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Loss

‘Do not fear’, she told me
as I measured the value of carrying on
with a life with a gap, 
with a life on my own.

‘Your pain will diminish’, 
was a covenant she made
without a lie in her voice, 
but with an ephemeral attempt.

We balanced each other’s pain
for less than a year and a half.
Then a man tempted her away
and a plague sickened my heart.

I have thrust away her love
like she pushed away my being.
Now a chasm lies between us,
which I have dug despite my craving 
to cross to the other side, 
to throw my arms around her, 
to accept the other guy, 
their communion and their ardor.

I don’t seek to ruin
the security that she built,
but I wish that she could see
how alone for years I’ve felt. 

My pain never diminished,
but its intensity has augmented.
Now I mourn for not one loss,
but a second that I’ve created.

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