Loss

‘Do not fear’, she told me as I measured the value of carrying on with a life with a gap, with a life on my own. ‘Your pain will diminish’, was a covenant she made without a lie in her voice, but with an ephemeral attempt. We balanced each other’s pain for less than a year and a half. Then a man tempted her away and a plague sickened my heart. I have thrust away her love like she pushed away my being. Now a chasm lies between us, which I have dug despite my craving to cross to the other side, to throw my arms around her, to accept the other guy, their communion and their ardor. I don’t seek to ruin the security that she built, but I wish that she could see how alone for years I’ve felt. My pain never diminished, but its intensity has augmented. Now I mourn for not one loss, but a second that I’ve created.