Let's Just Pretend June Never Happened
When I was at my lowest
You returned under the banner of friendship
"Strictly friends" you told me, I agreed
But you and I are both idiots if we believed it
Am I selfish for wanting something?
When the scars are this fresh
When the memories still open the scabs
Am I selfish for wanting relief?
You say you're over everything
The therapy worked, the meds are working
You've built an empire of new promise
A Falconia of purity and hope
As a beacon of light, you've blinded me
As a prophet of hope, you've led me to despair
They say it's insane to remain friends
And I think I've been given lucidity again
Less then two days, and I'll strike the earth
I've given all I am in this month
I've fought so bitterly against despair
And as I gazed at my foe, I became her
Yet I hesitate to raise my blade
Is it selfish to want something?
If there's any possibility
That harm will befall you?
What has June given me the last seven years of my life?
Loneliness, death, separation, fear, despair, hatred
And now an aching longing
That's turned my guts into soup
What the hell has June ever represented to me
Beyond a month of trying to survive?
A grim reminder that my Falconia
Is the amber that traps me and imprisons me
So screw it, right?
Let's pretend June never happened
Let's pretend you stayed away from me like you promised
Let's pretend that I wouldn't be just as miserable
Bedridden again, just like before
You're by my side, yet you've never been so far away
I don't know what I'm wishing for anymore
Wishing and dreaming stopped doing me good a long time ago
My heart beats for you as strongly as it ever did
And I'm prepared to strike the rope and sever us forever
My heartbeat dulled before you ignited it again
And I vastly preferred its slower pace
In an effort to save myself
From the grim despair that's haunted me for years
I'll stake June in a gamble
Offering my memories and the future that never was.
Copyright © Derek Chos | Year Posted 2016