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Best Poems Written by Dan Meese

Below are the all-time best Dan Meese poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Dan Meese Poem

The Joys of Internet Dating

I’ve paid my fee
Uploaded pictures of me
In a attempt to attract a mate
Or maybe just a single date
As the single life, all be it free
Simply does not agree with me 

Now don’t be fooled by my opening verse,
Im not unattractive and by no means adverse
To normal social conduct of a type
To attend  bars and clubs on an hormonal fuelled night
To meet and greet the love of my life
Someone to have me in sickness and in strife
Or maybe just a fumble with someone I find 
To gyrate on the dance floor, our bodies entwined
Yet no matter how many numbers, no matter how many texts
I still haven’t found my ideal opposite sex

So I revert to the internet with a plan in my head
Not attempting to seduce someone into my bed
I write up a statement about who I am
But I’ve chosen a picture of Jean Claude Van Damm
You see the plan that I’ve hatched is one of up most cunning
And my concern here a must is I’ll send em’ all running 
With a picture of me trying to look like a cutie
Or my bare naked chest to try something more fruity
No I’ll  draw the poor girl in before I cause her alarm
Then win over her trust with my very best charm  
Before revealing myself in all of my might
And watching my next taking to flight

But please my dear reader I ask you to see
That this angle of dating can back fire on me
As it didn’t occur to me, my mind never entering fear
that there are many a female with a similar idea
to post pictures of models and claim it to be them
to draw the attention of unsuspecting men
And I admit my dear reader that I was ensnared
By a female of the species and enticed to her lair  
For the picture I saw was of a heavenly blonde
Instead what I got was something quite wrong
And yet the face that confronts me is troubled and dim
And the girl stood before me rubs the stubble on her chin
She says she is angry that I should take a hike
For my blushing bride expected  a Van Damm look alike
Seems we both learnt a lesson about internet dating
You need honesty and trust before cyber style mating

Details | Dan Meese Poem

The Fisherman's Torment

5am, the alarm goes off
Who knows what today will bring
Im up for the early worm
Competing with the birds that sing
But today is my day
I’m prepared you see
Maggots in the bait box,
A flask full of tea
Cheese rolls I have made 
These are for fuel
And my thermal undies, 
Protecting my jewels

So its off to the lake
In my head a silent wish
But make no mistake
I’m gonna catch fish!!
With my trusty rod
And favourite float
I arrive at the water 
And climb in my boat
I row into the middle 
Mist creeping around
The world is so silent
Im hearing no sound


I send out my first cast
Oh this cannot be
I didn’t see that coming
I’m stuck in a tree!
Not to worry, these things happen
And I reel in my line
Not panicked or shaken
I’ll get it right next time
So now I am fishing
Maggot on my hook
My full concentration
Like it say’s in the book

8 hours later, 
No fish you will see
A whole pint of maggots
And I’ve drank all my tea
I’m cold and I’m hungry
But how can I go home
With no tales of success
Fingers froze to the bone
This is some kind of torture
Cold hands I now rub
The wife will be laughing
So I’m off down the pub

I think I’ll take up golf

Details | Dan Meese Poem

Owed To the Lego Men

Do you ever have those days
When your mind wonders in a haze
And you take yourself through time and space
Back to your child hood, that special place
And you think of toys you would never share
Your Transformers, your fav teddy bear
But in a Tupperware box under the bed
Some little dudes can be found
Each with plastic for a head
And though living in darkness
Not seen for a while
Relentlessly they continue to smile
One has no legs, 
Pulled apart like stick
Split down the middle 
Like a cheap conjurers trick
But these chaps were always there
Ready to fight, ready to follow me
On the fore front of design
Plastic pioneers of technology
So Forget about Barbie, forget about Ken
This poems my tribute to the brave Lego Men

Details | Dan Meese Poem

Mr Orange

Poor Mr Orange 
what a sorry site
He’s been lay in the fruit bowl 
for many days, many nights

All shrivelled up his skin looks
Bruised, battered, needing a new hip
Oh how he remembers the days 
when he was just a pip

The farm he did grow up in
His friends from the orchard too
The tree where he did ripen
Deep orange his colour grew

But now he’s lay in a fruit bowl
Slowly growing old
Becoming over ripened
And starting to grow mould

He looks back on his sorry life span
Thinking what could have been
All the good he had to offer
Now all a distant dream
  
So next time you buy some oranges
Remember what there purpose be
And eat them all as soon as possible
Cuz there full of vitamin C

Details | Dan Meese Poem

Said the Ghost To the Goblin

Said the Ghost to the Goblin,
What’s with this Halloween?
I been floating round for 1000 years,
And this is all I've seen.
Kids hyped up on candy,
Dressed up like Frankenstein,
Parents at their wits end,
Keeping them in line.
A disgrace of a holiday,
A monstrosity of a night
I can not wait for morning
To bring about first light.

Said the Goblin to the Ghost,
I know exactly what you mean,
I haven’t haunted in 15 years,
Because of Halloween!
No wailing in the darkness,
Or rattling of chains,
No jumping out of wardrobes,
Or coming up through drains!
In spirit we have no purpose,
No career path to follow,
We're the underworlds new unemployed,
Our transparent forms left hollow

Said the Ghoul to them both,
I couldn’t help but interact,
Your current line of conversation, 
Needs putting back on track!
You see tonight holds opportunity,
Possibilities a bust,
But you have to follow my every word
Discression is a must.
Its our chance to do some scaring, 
To inject fear of our own,
So follow me my new found chums,
I know the very home!

And so off they went on their new found task,
Leaving nothing set to chance,
Each focused on the mission at hand,
They began their merry dance.
Each had their own methods of course
Their very own technique,
One would howl, another would growl,
And the other one would shriek.
They step upon the doorstep,
The front door in their sight,
This was it, this was their time,
Their revenge, their moment, their night!!

But suddenly the door opens,
An old lady out she bursts,
Smiling at them from ear to ear,
Clutching at her purse.
Oh how wonderful, you kids look great,
The best I ever saw,
I wasn’t expecting costumes so good,
When I opened up the door!!
For the Ghoul this was all too much
He couldn’t believe this was real 
So he turned and ran to the underworld
Fleeing this disastrous ordeal!

But the Ghost and Goblin stood fixed to the spot
Unable to move from due to fear,
More people now gathered around this strange sight
All beginning to clap and cheer.
What amazing costumes, all transparent and clear,
The best we have seen all night!!
They must win a prize, these to wonderful kids
Their names should be put up in lights!!
Said the Ghost to the Goblin I quite like Halloween, 
It kinda suits us doesnt it?
And next year we'll try and make some cash,
Maybe turn a small profit!

Details | Dan Meese Poem

The Flashers Paradise

With my trench coat you will see me
Looking for hoots
Almost in my birthday suit
Except for my boots
I head to the sea front
I’ll find someone there
With my man hood to show you
My private parts I shall bare

For this is my past time
I’m a flasher you see
In my trench coat and dark glasses
It’s a strange sort of hobby
And you know when I’m around
Breaking twigs in the bush
Jumping out in your path
Then disappearing in a rush
Leaving you red faced
Wondering what you just saw
Speed is my weapon
Its called shock and awe

But behind every flasher
There’s insecurity and fear
Mixed in with our pleasure
A strange Terror is near
We ask silent questions
What if they Laugh?
Was it because it is cold?
Or am I stood in a draft?
And what would I do 
If my victims stands rooted in a fix
Claiming knowledge to my Manhood
Its Mrs Thomas from number six
She then pulls out a camera
My own thoughts become clashed
Lighting trees in the darkness
The flasher soon becomes flashed
And the pictures are published
Me exposed for all to see
But with a twinkle in my eye
A flashers paradise for me

Details | Dan Meese Poem

The Blue Bottles Legacy

So there I was, minding my own 
Doing my normal things 
Buzzing around from house to house
Stopping only to rest my wings.
An old rotten apple, last nights take away
Things much to nasty for you.
Or meeting up with my old maggot mates
Whilst sitting around on poo!!

But this was to be no ordinary day
As my final buzz draws near
Today was to be my last on the earth
But not filled with trepidation or fear!
I did not have a clue 
That today I would die
That it was my time to go 
To the big waste bin in the sky

You see for years I have dodged the spider’s webs,
And rolled up news paper batons
And those electric grills that give you a zap
Or the sharp brisling teeth of a Venus fly trap
And yet the thing that would kill me, 
Be it much larger in size,
As on the windscreen of a car
I would meet my demise.

Some would say that what did me in, 
Was a lack of concentration
That I should have seen what was to come
Flying without due care and attention
And the last fleeting thought,
The last thing in my head,
Was my own back side 
As the Windscreen left me dead

So from high on above
I look back on the scene
Seeing my being as physical
Smeared across the windscreen
What a sad waste of life
But the lesson made me much wiser
My belief is reincarnation
And ill come back as a spider!!

Details | Dan Meese Poem

Night Nasty

Now I’ve looked under the bed
Everything seems fine
Nothing waiting to get you
Its all in your mind.
Yes I know that your worried
But there’s nothing to fear
If something moves in the darkness
Remember im near.

What’s that now you say?
I should check the wardrobe 
For demons and skeletons
With old dusty bones.
Forget it, this is crazy
There aint no such thing 
As vampires and zombies
And other such beings.

No I cant leave the light on
Its expensive you know
And it wont stop the burglar
Coming in through the window.
Now stop being silly
Your as bad as the kids
And start acting your age
A man of 46!