Belligerent and irritated by almost any little thing
Insaneness all around me; craziness is what I bring
Psychosis is not the problem; the problem lies within
Overzealous personality; much absorption sinking in
Liar, cheat and manipulator; trust you should not give
Ambition at its lowest; no longer wanting to live
Racing thoughts; trying to unwind an ultimate goal for an unstable mind
Stacy Lynn Stiles
I have a date;
Feathered by fate;
Treading my fears...
Distancing my heart..
Screaming your name;
silenced from start...
Lost in the game...
Dead in my tracks..
Queried by love...
Stabbed in the back...
Taste of regret....
Following your lead...
Never to return...
Growing up as a child I never wanted to sleep alone
In fear of the darkness and most of all the unknown
“Mommy is there monsters” I would commonly ask
Her reply was “only on Halloween, the ones we see in masks”
Still not satisfied with her answer and questioning her some more
Asking her the same old thing as I did the night before
Frustrated and exhausted she finally took me by the hand
Looking under my bed, in my closet and even inside my night-stand
“So see my daughter the monsters are only in your head”
“It’s time to get some sleep me dear, now do as I have said”
Respectfully obeying my mother; my little body trembling with fear
Wishing the hour was morning, praying for “him” not to appear
But as the darkness faded and uncomfortable silence came about
I could hear the monster stirring, getting ready to come out
Hoping the noises I heard were only my brothers messing around
Pulling the covers over my head, hoping and praying not to be found
The footsteps getting closer, the monster is almost to the foot of my bed
I now can hear his heavy breathing, oh God how I wished he was dead
Quietly he lifts my covers back and lays down in the bed beside me
Touching, groping and mauling, trying to cover my eyes so I cannot see
He took away my childhood and with that my trust and self-esteem
A pleading child without a voice, invisible as it would seem
So yes my daughters there are monsters, everywhere we look
Saying as I remember my childhood and everything he took
Did you know I loved you before we met?
Drowning within your beautiful eyes,
Do you now feel the painful regret?
Did you vow to love me, and just only me?
Draped within a veil of pure bliss,
Diving below the depths of impurity.
Did you softly whisper, that I was the one?
Drinking the elixir of my innocence,
Downing till there was all but none.
Did you believe we would be here forever?
Distance keeping us miles apart,
Doubting we see each other ever.
Did you think of me lately, and miss me?
Dreaming of the two of us together,
Doused with love in an emotional sea.
Did you always wish misery, forever?
Darkness as your guardian in life,
Dragging us to hell, on this evil endeavor.
Did you wish I meant more, and ask why?
Dusting yourself entirely free of us,
Desolation forever, as you wave goodbye.
For the last time……….
Demons drown the desire;
proudly persecuting patiently.
Evil erupted entities;
maliciously mangling me.
Satan states the severity;
of corrupting his command.
Ferociously framed in fire;
horrifically at his hands.
Dreams died decades ago.
Slaying sins set out;
to traumatize the innocent,
on a rancid, wretched route.
Blood bath beginning;
Demons delightfully dote.
Abominations are appreciated;
take the knife to her throat.
The trials are terminated;
Judgment Day is just.
A lifetime with Lucifer;
all in the name of lust!
Who is this man laying beside me?
You’re not my lover and I’m not your enemy
Searching and hoping for a familiar touch
Wanting and needing it just a little too much
Where is the man I married prior to this war?
I want him back entirely as I had him once before
They tell me he’s changed and it will never be
But loving him so much; I tend to disagree
Heroically fighting for our freedom abound
Risking his life for a cause to be unfound
Solitude and silence is one of his demands
And as for our family; we’re not under your command
Shelled and mortared each and every night
Not able to sleep for the fear of needing to fight
Hot, sweaty and exhausted; feeling all alone
Feeling as though you’re invincible; wanting to come home
Exploring and probing for the man you used to be
Trying to find similarities; trying to remember me
I’ve been with you this entire time; all the while you were gone
I never left your side my husband, even though you have withdrawn
What is it going to take for this stranger to up and leave?
How long must you isolate yourself, how long must we grieve?
Our children need you desperately as so do I
Don’t let them destroy you; don’t you dare die
Come home again my best-friend and thrust this stranger out
He’s been residing here too long and he’s reign is over no doubt
You’ve served this country honorably without any remorse
Now serve your family faithfully and let our marriage run its course
I will not give up and abandon you nor will I give in
You will fight for this family adamantly as you did so back then
I’m tired of sleeping alone with this stranger in our bed
I want that loving, caring man; I want my husband back instead
Manipulated into thinking I know not right from wrong
Overpowered by his stature; my weakness makes him strong
Loathing at the thought that the time has come to go to bed
Escaping all the nightmares; forcing them to the back of my head
Sexually deviant and wicked; he’s completely out of control
Twisted are his thoughts, as he finally takes my soul
Evil vicious cycle; spinning round and round and round
Devastation lasting a life-time; still waiting to be found
© Stacy Lynn Stiles
There is a delusional vision inside me
Full of eternal love and mental bliss
Is that vision so un-comprehendible?
For the vision now seems so far wretched
What is it like to live one day completely insanely free?
For I cannot remember the very last time
My disease did not entirely consume me
Control and patience they say;
These remedies seem very far and few
For walk a path of insanity just once
Then you’ll see what it’s like
To walk a mile inside my mental shoes
By everyone I’ve
By every heart
I’ve ever clutched.
This vessel has
begun to decay.
ready to bust.
No one left
for me to trust.
My mind and
Ignorant to the favoritism; a desire to be special too
Naïve to all the sarcasm and criticism; finding it easy to subdue
Validity still not broken as I feverishly try to understand
Insanely searching for something; waiting upon your command
Silence numbs my body; reaching out for a delusion to hold
Imperfect vanishing appearance; a love so wrongfully cold
Brazen on the outside; while dying on the inside all alone
Love is all I ever yearned for; not this affection carved in stone
Eagerly waiting for a sign; will you see, or are you forever blind?
© Stacy Lynn Stiles