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Victoria Payne Poem
'Believe me'
It's the disbelief that I most hate
Being told that I exaggerate
When life's already so unfair
I know most people hardly care
Whether it's pain I share or my lack of sleep
Most my woes; don't share I keep
Finally I think you understand
Till you dismiss me once more with a flick of your hand
Won't you try, just pretend to believe
When I share with you my heart on sleeve
Not many I love know real me
Yet to 'strangers' online I at last feel free
It's true no one will share my blues
Unless they walk a mile in my shoes
'Believe me' ~ by Victoria Payne
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'Litter bugs'
Why are we such a messy nation?
When blessed with such great sanitation
The litter bugs make my blood boil
When I see street cleaners toil
So of your taxes please don't moan
Would you litter like this in your home?
Please next time you spit out your gum
Think would you like it stuck to your bum?
Coz my other pet peeve
Is shoes up on seats
And here endeth my morning greet
By Victoria Payne
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'But you don't look sick'
"What you doing just lying there?
I'm sure it would help if you begged in more prayer"
"Have you not yet tried this special snake oil?"
I've said there's no cure, my blood starts to boil
"But you look just fine" I guess I must refrain
From boring you with woes of my pain
Well I'm bored of hearing "you don't look sick"
You don't look stupid I think
Yet you must be thick
"You're far too young to be in such pain"
Oh really? Then to broken body explain.
"Get well soon" I know you're trying to be kind
But that ain't gonna happen
If Google 'chronic' you'll find;
'Persistent, long-standing, long term'
"I'm trying" I smile instead of making you squirm
"I'm sure you can't really need that chair"
"How can it be that hard just to blow dry damp hair?"
When walking in pain don't dare use a stick
"Just exercise more you can't be that sick"
"Just try this new potion"
"It's all in your head"
"My cousin used lotion"
"Instead of lazing in bed"
"You must be depressed, you're anxious a lot"
Yeah coz being told all is well
One might lose the plot
"I don't care what you say it must just be the worry"
Oh yes coz my body would heal
If I just told it I'm sorry
Why is it because you've not heard of my plight
That you think it's essential I put up a fight?
It's real and it's chronic and arrived via genes
Not because I haven't yet fulfilled all my dreams
Believe me I wish I could come out tonight
And if winning disease was through putting up fight
I'd have won it by now i'd be so much better
But it's in black and white on many a consultants letter
'But you don't look sick' -
Victoria Payne February 2016
One of my personal favourites :)
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'Our Mother'
Our Mother - a sophisticated lady
Always destined for the top
You'd never see her walk on by
A top designer shop
So impeccably presented;
Amazing handbag, clothes and shoe
Even perfume richly scented
Numbered bottle gives the clue
Never more elegant a lady
Than the stylish Mrs Mannell
Surely can't be just co-incidence
That her name rhymes with Chanel?
For pleasure; Mum rode her horses
Liked playing hard and drinking gin
Slip in friends and glass of champers
And her heart you'd surely win
Of her job she could wax lyrical
And of work being her miracle
A workaholic one might say
Toiled every cent of hard earned pay
Mum frequented finest restaurants
If dined with Margaret you would discern
Whether lunching at the Ivy
Or in Paris, of course; Jules Verne
Mum once painted chairs and pottery
And boiled up fudge to taste
She made luscious chocolate mousse those days
And yoga trimmed her waist
Mum sketched and drew with creative flare
Gave her loving cats amazing care
She sung out loud never just a hum
Then taught me to be a Mum
We all knew different parts of Mum
But between us we all know
Her strength could be a barrier
"Dahhling, don't let feelings show"
No matter what we all admire in her
With love and pride we glow
At the sea of people facing her
Must not let tear drops flow
A formidable woman Margaret
Or as Peggi to many friends
Just 'Mum' to my sister and I
And where this poem almost ends
She was Grandma Peg to four granddaughters
And now a great grand-son
Who knew she stayed and fought
To become a great grand mum
So to the 'bar', let's go raise glasses
For this tough old bird please grin
She'd hate to see sad faces
No tears while drinking gin
'Our mother'
For Margaret Mannell's funeral
By Victoria Payne
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'If chronic pain were Olympic sport'
Morning shocks me with a jolt
Night time flies like Usain Bolt
If dream of sleep were 'lympic pride
My pain within I'd win not hide
If feeling tired, was winning gold
My chronic illness medal hold
We would be there chasing Mo
If energy won at being low
If 'pushing through' meant top of game
And trembling hands meant pride and fame
If migraine vice meant all things nice
And neck strain drain meant King of pain
If winning crunch was base of spine
Or BP drop that renders blind
We would excel Olympic pride
Where no one you love would dream you 'lied'
They'd even know it's genes so fate
They'd say 'I believe' not 'you exaggerate'
If feeling drained was strong like Phelps
Where tiredness reigns and brain fog helps
POTS fatigue, compression nylons
Clunky shoulders easy bronze
If Olympian meant broken bowel
We'd feel their pain, lay on beach towel
For every day we feel that burn
From joints all round and stomach churn
If chronic pain were Olympic pride
We'd win hands down, in bed would hide
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
To Fifi
You look so cute just lying there
Squidgy cheeks and soft dark hair
You're just so perfect all I see
As you snuggle up to me
You make my cheeks hurt, silly grin
Glued to face ?? much love within
My time at last to understand
My role as 'Nan' to hold your hand
Can't wait to spend more love and time
With my grand-girl so sublime
Will soon be smiles and giggles too
I'll even change your nappy poo
Taken back to years gone by
When sung to daughters lullaby
Fifi oh so beautiful
Our love is indisputable
We'll love you while you're small and curled
And for ever 'til we leave this world
In meantime we will teach you things
'Bout 'olden days' that this life brings
Will try our best to chose words wise
About life before you opened eyes
Our dear sweet girl so much to learn
New roads to reach at every turn
We'll help you walk and write and smile
In others shoes to walk a mile
But mostly we will just be there
To laugh, have fun and always care
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'Everything Aches'
Oh my arms do ache as I write down this prose
Most days it feels like the pain goes all the way to my toes
Bring me back lazy days lying in the sun
Or the age when being flexible meant so much more fun
Living with aches and strains and all things stretchy
Remembering a day without pain seems so sketchy
From my head, to my ankles, hips and back in between
They say it would help if I could be more 'lean'
But extra movement above the essentials feels unfair
It even kills me each morning just to blow dry my hair
So please understand how hard it can be every day
When all I want to do is stay in my bed and lay
I know you may find it hard to understand
That even the slightest pain in the knuckles, the hand
Can be overbearing, and so unforgiving
But still have to work, still make a living
If only you knew how hard most days it becomes
Just to text and email, how much it strains ones thumbs
Childbirth may have been so much faster and slicker
But ageing of the pelvis and hips comes much quicker
My pelvic floor and backside have certainly seen better days
My moaning and groaning you must hope is a faze
Shoulders forever, feeling so strained
My legs constantly looking blue veined
Cramps in my arches, IBS in my tummy
Hereditary illness, blame my flexible mummy
Bunions will scream, Bulging discs take my power
It even pains me just to stand in the shower
Tired and sleepy I need to relax
Even those days that I rest to the max
So just bring me your patience, comfort, understanding
Even when you hear my joints creak more than the landing
You know it's me, 'crackling' just walking downstairs
The lack of sleep again bringing nightmares
Thank you for listening, for just being here
Not having you close to comfort is my biggest fear
I know I go on, my frustration and tears
Must be hard work for so many years
But knowing you're here to carry the weight of my head
Even on the days it feels heavier than lead
Gives me the strength to be strong, keep me moving
Your love and support it just keeps on proving
Thank you again for holding my hand and week wrist
Even though my pain must never seem to cease to persist
'Everything Aches' by Victoria Payne
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'If only they could see real me'
Wide awake at 2 am
What you doing on Facebook then?
Try to distract from aches and pains
Adrenaline rush through floppy veins
Morning light comes all too soon
Wish could sleep till after noon
Wrecked from pain and fight to work
Staying put insurance perk
Some days fatigue is too much strife
No energy left to win at life
Too much effort to get me fed
When all I want's to stay in bed
Back feels broken, worn out disks
Just standing, walking has its risks
Light headed, dizzy, need a seat
Blood pressure drops to swollen feet
Commuters shuffle, busy train
As fight own struggles of hectic brain
If only they could see real me
Inside out the pain they'd see
All while my fake smile generated
The real me hides not penetrated 'If only they could see real me'
Victoria Payne September 2016
#chronicfatigue #chronicpain #spoonie #fatigue #sick #tired #EDS #ehlersdanlossyndrome #ehlersdanlos #POTS #Chiari #poet #poem #poetry #painpoem #hiddenpain #fakesmile #yawn #sleep #autonomicdysfunction #dysautonomia #rhymes #instapain
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
The commute
The daily commute it's so depressing
Not getting a seat is so distressing
Standing here heart racing proud
I only wish it would beat aloud
So people could hear the strain it makes
The mound of energy standing takes
To just be me to stand not fall
I stop my tears from being a bawl
Some days I get to that last seat
Thank goodness, a moment to rest tired feet
As I journey, joints crack and pop
All the way to my last stop
Heads bowed down in phones and papers
Know one cares of my dramatic capers
As one by one discs fall from strain
When will I give up this bloody train?
‘The commute’ – by Victoria Payne
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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Victoria Payne Poem
'Being me' #EDS #chronicillness #Chiari #pain #fatigue
No rest in day, cant sleep at night
I've even lost my appetite
No fix for me, no cure in sight
No help towards my daily fight
The pain runs deep, too tired to weep
Fall back to bed in restless heap
"Stop being down, don't show your frown"
"Get outside, don't slip that crown"
"Keep on smiling, just fight through"
I hope you'll never have a clue
"It can't be that bad, it's just the stress"
That drives me mad I must confess
Don't tell me what I know's a lie
Torn body is my alibi
Just coz you never heard of this
Don't think it's fine to be remiss
Genetic joints and bendy brain
I'd prefer it if you did refrain
From making out its in my head
You think I love a life in bed?
I pretend 'I'm fine' most every day
It's better for all of you that way
But on days like these I must confess
The act does slip, I look a mess
Some days I rest and be myself
Like scattered dust on ageing shelf
Sorry it doesn't suit your mood
Or makes me sound in constant brood
I know that if you felt this way
"So sorry love" I'd hear you say
"I had no idea, not one clue"
"At how you cope with being you".
Copyright © Victoria Payne | Year Posted 2016
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