Home » Poems » Best » Martin Jameson » Best Martin Jameson Poems

Best Poems Written by Martin Jameson

Below are the all-time best Martin Jameson poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

Numbers

Nineteen nosey newts nudged nasty nautical nannies
Eighteen eager ermines excitedly edged everyone’s ego 
Seventeen sacred slugs sat sideways searching seagulls
Sixteen slippery snails slid southwards sipping sangria
Fifteen flowery foxes fell forward fondling fuchsias
Fourteen frantic fleas froze fighting frightening fanatics
Twelve twiddling tigers told thirteen tasteless tales
Eleven elderly elephants embellished eighteen ebony earrings
Ten terrified tardy ticks tricked two thirsty Turkish tramps
Nine naughty nasal know-it-alls knew nothing nearing knowledge
Eight elastic earthworms echoed eighty edgy Egyptians
Seven solemn snakes slithered slowly sensing sunshine
Six sassy silk-moths sceptically squished spinach selfishly
Five funny fatties feared following fancy French fashion
Four fantastic faithful Finnish flies faked famous farcical facelifts
Three tenacious terriers thrilled twelve tipsy throbbing thespians 
Two tireless Tanzanian tapirs tittle tattled tirelessly throughout Tuesday
One obedient oily octopus offered obnoxious orangutans oranges outrageously

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

Conspicuous Lice

Some conspicuous lice met once or twice  
With white follicle mites who came out at night
And an upside down tick who did magic tricks
That entertained maggots who shared roasted haggis
With pole dancing worms who wriggled and squirmed
Under Chinese mosquitos munching burpy burritos
Chasing cobwebby crickets selling counterfeit tickets
To shows where no sensible grubs want to go
Warning churchgoing termites that these shows were a blight
On a class of weevil whose bite could be lethal
For marbleized moths drinking steaming Scotch broth
And sanitized beetles who had pins and needles
From sharing cold baths with nonsensical gnats
Watched by camp caterpillars strung out on painkillers
Sharing smokes with loud locusts who were very much focussed
On prostrate praying mantises with suspicious practices

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

Woozy and Floozy

All aboard the conductor roared
Gripping the puce spruced rolling caboose
At starboard some people snored
While shaking loose foul gastric juice
But to port was a snort
From a piebald plump pig doing a jig
Only to thwart a one legged dwarf
From kissing a prig with a long twisty wig
In the middle was a fiddle
At the bar a guitar
And little by little
A freight car cigar
Was smoked by a Pope
Who drank sixty short whiskeys
And licked soap on a rope
Got tipsy and frisky
Swooned in the saloon
With a woozy auld floozy
Playing a tune to the moon
That was groovy and bluesy

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

A Spider Drank Cider

A spider drank cider and was legless at breakfast 
Now this placid arachnid with a shoddy wee body
Asked weevils so evil if they each had a needle
Could they just for a joke smoke while they poked
At erudite mites with myopic eyesight
And bedridden black beetles who bawled noon and night 
At bow legged bees who could bumble and fumble
With wasps that were dishy but got into a tizzy
Watching high jumping fleas pee in the sea
Beside conniving cockroaches who approached in stagecoaches
Near trails of pale snails drinking buckets of ale 
Sold by charming blow flies wearing spotted bow ties
In a dark damp old cellar with an ant storyteller
Whose sight had declined until he was blind 
Who made up strange tales of fat whales with sharp nails
That fed on a diet of cat, sprat and rat 
Carrying small bugs who never gave hugs
To horn-tailed yellow midges wearing red tartan breeches
And whopper leafhoppers sucking monster gobstoppers
So the spider could laugh like a three legged giraffe
And begin to grin at the insects chagrin

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

Watery Nonsense

One time a stickleback
Asked a tadpole what’s the craic
He replied there’s nothin’ doing
It’s just the water I was viewing

So he slurped a glass of gin
And let the stickleback begin
To swim upside down in loops
Until his eyes began to droop

I’m becoming very dizzy
Feels like the Mississippi
The stickleback then stopped
The tadpole’s eyes had nearly popped

The stickleback said sorry
Do you like calamari?
The tadpole then replied 
When I’m swimming with the tide

I find it can be chewy
It turns my tail real gooey
The stickleback said no way
It makes a rather nice buffet

They then said their goodbyes
And the stickleback advised
Calamari you shouldn’t swallow
Or trouble it will follow

Good luck and take it handy
Said the tadpole sipping brandy
The stickleback swam off
To have some beer and stroganoff

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

Animal Antics

Freddie the goat was as wide as a boat
His hair was long, tangled and whiffy
He asked Maisie the cow could she help him right now
And she mooed she would in a jiffy

Joey the horse said with some force
My tail is also quite smelly
So Maisie mooed here I’ll make it real clear
I can also shave your big belly

Daisy the hen clucked from her pen
Could you take a look at my feathers?
Maisie then mooed you’re so very rude 
I do all three of you nitwits together

September 6th 2016

Details | Martin Jameson Poem

Shelter

Would you visit the dragon’s tower?
And slip into his lair
The place where he has all the power
You wouldn’t have a prayer
Could you walk with one shoe missing?
And expose your holey soul
All the while you’re almost tripping
While you take that painful stroll
To test and trial for one more mile
Before you take a rest
You try to smile with blushing style
Your endurance will divest