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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
Since I was a little girl, in my eyes, you saw the sadness which reached beyond your control.
I was your angel whom you treated as fragile as an ocean pearl.
When there was hurt in my soul, you prayed that somehow my world would be under control.
When it came time for comfort, in your arms I lay, I was consoled as your soft whisper told my ear, “it’ll be okay, as god is here.”
Years have passed. Innocence now gone. Nothing seemed to last. It’s still the same misunderstood song.
All of a sudden, I wish you could see, I’m nothing but a heavy burden, yet somehow, you still look for the best in me.
You say I’m a special spirit but how? I’m still the same old me.
You see love.
I see hatred.
You see selflessness.
I see selfishness.
You see beauty.
I see ugly.
You see a fighter.
I see a failure.
You continue to see a survivor.
You see what everyone doesn’t.
I see what I always wasn’t.
Through all my defiance
You remain a solid reliance.
While I suffer through the pain every day,
You are my angel every step of the way.
Everything deep inside has made all my relationships collide.
My life as I know it, is two trains on overdrive.
Meeting on opposite ends, never compromising,
Leaving you for continued sacrificing.
Now everyday as I wake up, I can’t help but see the disgust in others eyes.
My darkened room filled with silence
Watching the world from the window seal, I only want to hide
From the pain, from the illnesses, from all the hurt I have caused. From here on, god is my guidance.
Morning to night I bow my head to my hands and pray that one day we could make up,
Yet the next day it remains the same …
Screaming, hurtful words, slamming of doors, the cries at night.
Riding the same wave has made me insane.
I beg of you, please forgive my cruelty, “don’t let it break our strong ties,” I cried.
I want our love back, let’s conquer the bond we once had, the one we now lack. Somehow we got lost in the hidden path.
A peaceful mind is all I’m trying to maintain.
Every harsh word spoken I apologize for, truly sincere from my heart to the core.
“I’m sorry,” is no longer trustworthy. The many hurtful actions in which you can’t ignore, maybe you can open your heart enough to see …it’s the depression, it’s not the real me.
Nothing will fix what I did, all I can do is make the same actions forbid.
My best friend, my hero.
My shoulder, my courage, and my rock.
Through the winds of any storm, our love remains solid, as it’s tightened with a lock.
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
I havent touched another since you
Your busy, but to me... time isnt a factor
I havent kissed another since you
Just to show... you are the one that matters
We have had fun times
Along with crazy experiences
Yet the genuineness in your heart showed me the sign
The sign of what I wanted
Also what I deserved
We couldnt make it work
I was a little to much work
But I'll never forget all the sweet words which came out of your mouth
Tenderness came out of your soul
None of my secrets left your mouth
I'll always be here for you, I hope you know
Your actions are rare as can be found
Learning to trust, in you I found
Unconditionally there
Sad, happy, depressed, anxious, you were still there
So when it got hard, I wish you didnt disappear
The friend I never had
The friend I needed
Made me believe I can and I will succeed
Opened my eyes to a whole new world
I hate that I pushed you away
I truly thought you were strong enough to deal with my flaws and all
I thought you would be the one to stay
Gave up so easily
See the bad
Do you notice any good in me?
Sweet texts
Midnight "im thinking of you" shows up on my phone
Forehead kisses
Made me feel I wasnt alone
Thoughts, words of romance and dates...flowers and chocolates
The dates never came
But how sweet, the thoughts of you wanting to remained
I often wonder. ..
Do you think of me like I think of you?
Does any part of you miss me?
I often wonder. ..
Why couldn't I rewind time and start over
Why wasnt I good enough
And why did I have to meet the perfect person at most imperfectly wrong time
I miss the way we talked
The sweet things we both said
I miss being in your arms
Feeling safe with you
I thought since I was honest in the beginning you would understand
When time came down to it you just wasn't a strong enough man
You cant handle me
Yet you ignored how good I would've treated you
Time has passed
But always know,
our friendship will always last.
Months without a single word
When that word is spoken I will be there
Not because im waiting
Not because im weak
Yet, because im a real friend
Truly genuine
When you are ready to let me in, dont think you cant because we havent talked
Know that you can because we talked enough for you to know the real me
Someone that cares and sees deep beneath
Someone who will always be around
Even when the friendship feels its no longer around
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
The smile on her face hides the scars in which you left her to case
The huge suitcase in which everyday she throws one out
Throws out one pain at a time
As she will get better in time
She has god on her side
He knows the torture she had to hide
Hide for many many years
Now they come out uncontrollably
She wears make up to cover it controllably
Soon the scars she sees in the mirror turns into beautiful lessons of strength gained
Every day, a fighter she remained
You judge, yet you dont know
Her golden heart and beautiful soul has been torn apart
The pieces are finally back together
She can move on with her life
She deserves the best in life
She is better than you may see
Words can be spoken yet doesnt have to be heard
Silence remains, the screms are never heard
Paints a positive image everyday
So no one will see the pain layed deep beneath
Yet the side affects remain the same
Held tears inside... if she started crying she wouldnt stop
Being hurt is what she learned to stop
No control
No ones words or opinions longer matter
As she is a strong woman on her own... only her acceptance matters
Shes beautiful
Shes worthy
Shes stronger than ever
She loves harder than ever
She cares more than ever
She is less naive than ever
She is perfectly perfect whom makes mistakes
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
Look around. ..
Friends? What are they?
Not sure...because they're no where to be found
Sit back and relax
Sip on fireball and watch the candle wax
As it mealts along with my tears
So many lonely years
Nowhere to belong
Every night its the same song
Every day its the same silence as I pray
Paint make up on my face just to make it through the race
A smile on my face I fake
Until the rainbow appears
No more storms
Just the wind blowing and birds chirping
I wont let anything keep me down
Not fears nor nightmares
I will live strong to make it to the next day
No more one way streets
Sorry...thats just no longer for me
From now it takes two in every situation
If not...there will be no situation
Good or bad ill be there
But it takes two...
Can you day the same for you?
Im done with all the lies...
The broken promises...
And the dreams which never come alive...
Words are just that....words
Im now action...so show me, or leave with your goodbye word
Family is friends
Friends are family
No one has the same story
Yet, if you got me,
I got you....always...no matter whats the story
Soon I realize it's just me, myself and I
Im alone in life
Look in my kids eyes and see the love
Remember what im here for
Them...they are all that matters
They will never pay for my past or mishaps
They will receive love
Always and forever
Unconditionally
The light in their eyes shine so bright
Their love is never far from sight
They will reach their dreams
In life, they will achieve
They have heart
They have soul
They have a conscious
They have what matters
They have grace and beauty
They have joy and are witty
They are amazing, simply a blessing
They are giving...never under estimate them
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
when I first met you,
everything I wanted in a man, to me you showed
all the love we felt, I believed it to be true
you did everything to open up my heart from being cold
everyday I had new butterflies...
shopping for a wedding dress while having hopes of us building a home
foolish me to have believed all of your lies
your priorities were being wasted and staying out every other night
seven in the morning you would come stumbling through the door
eleven at night I would cry myself to sleep a little more
Everyone warned me to stay away from you...
so naive, I continued to see only the good in you
no matter what you did, I consistently remained by your side
while in the back of my mind I always knew
you and me, could never truly be
for each other we were no good
it wasn’t just you
it was me as well
I wasn’t healthy for you to pursue
you weren’t able to love me like you did when it was new
my eyes always swollen with tears
always thinking you would change
eventually I had to face reality...change was no where near...
All of your mistakes have taken a toll on me, you never did understand how affected I have remained
always blaming me...never looking at you
thought you would always protect me,
no matter the situation, I never imagined you would be the one to hurt me
its crazy how my love for you made me stay around
what hurt the most, you took my worst fear, and literally threw it on top of me
why couldn’t you see, all of the hurt you have caused me, why didn’t you stop to see?
I'll never be the same looking into the mirror
the reflection I continue to see shows all that you have done to me
black and blue and the touch of you
trembling every time I remember it
wishing it was just a dream and I’ll wake up to something new
when I say I will never be the same
I mean I will become so much stronger
make no mistake, you wont be my mistake any longer
I now know my worth is greater than yours,
my beauty is spectacular,
my heart is special,
my body is precious,
I am no longer a victim
I am a person worth having the best in my life
I am a survivor
I am a mentor whom will help guide others
everyday will be a struggle,
yet, everyday will prove an accomplishment
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
Never talk to me again
Please, just do me that favor
You pretend to be nice by saying you want me around
But when it comes down to it, im really sick of all your lies
You go your way
I'll definitely go mine
We will cross paths
But that will be that
No more calls
No more nice words
No more i love yous
No more thank yous
You can keep your pithy
As it was never wanted to begin with
Start your own chapter
Leave me to myself...you, I do not want with
Fake your personality to everyone
I know the real you
I know what truly matters
I'll watch from a distance
Because I just can no longer be around
Make the best of your life
As I'll make the best of mine
Im cutting all ties
No more lies
This is my final goodbye
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
One minute apart
So much older
Yet we couldnt be further from eachother
You were a second mother
All three of us
Yet eye to eye we'll never see
Always wanted acceptance
Always wanted to fit in
Room full of people
Yet im stuck on the outside looking in
There for eachother
Yet never there for "eachother"
Catch 22 is the way I would present you
Why wasnt I ever good enough
Why couldnt you see all I really needed
Was your love and affection
Not hatred and dismissance
Begged and pleaded on my knees
Constantly screaming for you to love me
I pushed to far
Pulled you away
With that you were more than perfectly okay
Couldn't care less
Thinking about us every day I stressed
Not to mention the other who hates me like no other
He should have stepped up
He should have been there
Yet his cowardness was always around
Just to tear me down
Drugs before us
My mistakes he could never look past
While his life affected my past
Always filled with anger and rage
We will never be a family
We'll never be on the same page
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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Shannon Ronaldson Poem
Days are long
Nights a lonely song
Blades are her escape
As she fits in, in no place
Darkened room is her safety place
Liquor is her way to forget the hurt space
She wishes on every star
Yet her dreams seem so far
No one is there
No one understands
They say get over it
They dont comprehend
Black and blue fades
The fear always remains
She cries every night
No one knows why music is her life
She heals as she writes
Looking out the window seal praying for light
Shes looking into a place where she never belonged
She always wished she would find where that place is
No family
No friends
Its just her and her kids
Trying to help them forget what they witnessed
As she tries to forget being the victim
She gives them everything shes got
Her love shows in so many ways
Yet so does the stress on her thats weighed
She writes what she hears and sees
She writes to be an escapee
Some true
Some thoughts
Thoughts in which keep her from sleep
Sleep which she is awakened every hour
By the nightmares of abuse
Which everyone knew how she was getting used
They say she did it to herself
She says she survived what most couldn't
She overcame something she shouldn't
Wishes on stars now coming true
A brand new beginning
A brand new life to pursue
The love in her kids eyes kept her alive
Everyday she fought to survive
A battle of many wars
No more pain
Now shes saine
No more darkened rooms
The light has filled all the rooms
No longer on the floor
No more crying out "please no more"
On top of the world
Shes as precious as an ocean pearl
She made it through many storms
As you can if you never give up
Copyright © Shannon Ronaldson | Year Posted 2015
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