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Angel C Poem
How can I be selfless without being used?
How can I be demanding without being so rude?
How can I open up without closing back down?
How can I speak if you don't hear a sound?
How can I trust without being betrayed?
Yet how could I leave... even after you stayed?
But how can you love me when I won't let you in?
So many questions.... where do I begin?
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Memories now blurred, flying through my mind……
Now, I’m trying to repress the days of being youthful and blind.
Every morning I pull on my armor, right from within,
Preparing for a war, that I intend, to win.
If my heart is my comrade and my mind is the enemy,
Then in the midst of this battlefield,
Life is the remedy…
---
Trying to stay sane, knowing that although this is temporary, nothing is vain…
Learning that there is always a purpose and people will try to corrupt us, and bring you great shame…
Being told that ‘Victory isn't given to he who starts the race the strongest, but he who endures until the end.’
Trying to suspend you from learning to depend... on yourself,
instead making you depend on the wealth,
Of someone who doesn't even know who he is,
while you’re grasping the stealth of your true identity, in your right hand, in your heart, the knowledge…
Never been withheld
…
..
.
Feeling the world come crashing down on you, compacting into a mist of air so cool,
The breeze passing right through, right into the depths of your pores, to ensue,
The burning and broken and fragile pieces of the inhabitants of the earth from your birth til' now..
Physically becoming everything that you breathe, touch, conceive, munch, perceive, every aroma...
And every great or insignificant trauma, reflecting off your skin oh so temporarily, the mark so paper thin…
Physically, THAT is what you are…
Because we only see the physical, right?
Yet, behind every movie is there not a director… a cast?
And behind every painting is there not an artist, combining colors and lines so vast?
And behind every child is there not a journey, a past?
...
That you did not walk, yet you know that it’s there, not by sight, scent, taste, touch, or hearing... But something inside you, that says it makes sense, KNOWS that all of that is there,
KNOWING
...
..
.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
Before, while, and after I said goodbye
I couldn't help but sit there and cry.
I cried on and off for 7 hours and slept one
Woke up and cried again, I still wasn't even done.
Two more hours…wake up again.
Every so often a tear falls in the open.
I literally feel an aching pain in my chest
Thinking of how I lost you, wanting to forget.
I'm feeling sick and I still haven't ate.
I want you…my thoughts aren't straight.
Mane, almost every tweet...is about you
And almost every thought…is about who?
Someone who could have been playing me
Or showing me where my desires could lead.
I wanted to tell you everything, I wanted to say more,
There wasn't enough time and now my broken heart's feeling so sore.
I just wanna be alone and listen to this depressing song,
I can't get you out of my head... it hurts. Is that wrong?
I understand that I may be foolish wasting my time hurting over you.
But in all honesty my dear, I really wanted us to be something too.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
Rain threatening to pour,
so much pain don’t know what for.
Every word comes out all wrong,
just listen when she sings a song
Every stanza she sings her thoughts,
and thing’s she’s overcome and fought.
Alone she sees rain, and all she hears is thunder;
The rain falls so often, she feels she’s going under…
But she can’t swim, she can’t float.
There’s no raft, there’s no boat.
Raining over the ocean,
falling... in one motion.
She wants someone to listen,
but these fears are like a prison.
Keeping her from rising,
higher... she could be climbing.
But the howling winds, they never cease,
always screaming, never at ease.
Constantly throwing the waves,
roaring and shoving the rain…
I cry, I cry, the rain is pouring...
I scream, I scream; the wind is roaring...
I see red, I can’t breathe; the waves are soaring...
I can’t swim
…
Please stop this mourning.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
Crying over someone who's probably not even missing me.
My poor heart's steady crumbling like an eroded rock in the sea.
Walking around as if you haven't even crossed my mind
As soon as I get alone all this pain just reveals itself, unwinds.
I didn't think I'd lose you like this... I was unprepared.
Things like this? That's why attachment gives me such a scare.
You don't even know how much I'm hurting inside Edmond.
I'm crying again... haven't eaten... barely been sleeping.
So many ways for you to be taken from me, I didn't see this.
I'm so frustrated... I'm so sad... but not at all pissed.
My dad's reasonings are more than reasonable, I'll do as he says,
But I miss waking up to your voice... and those couple lettered texts.
I am so ...sad.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
Her mind is like an upbeat child who sees delicious cakes;
Her mind is like a lukewarm breeze that passes with no breaks
Her mind is like a whoosh of chaos rising from the sea;
Her mind is shouting over everything, because she’s a bride to be.
Bring her a bowl of cream with fruit piled on the side;
Make her laugh and let her ponder the thought of who’s waiting inside;
Then oh so swiftly tuck her slim frame into the cloth that you weaved;
Because she’s about to enter the party, where she's a bride to be.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
On and off I'm popping pills just to sleep
And...
The effects of them are steadily forcing me to grow weak
After a few hours I'm still fighting the sedative
Because...
I'm afraid and these nights are too repetitive.
But, my hands begin to tremor and my eyes start un-focusing
Then...
I feel an itch in my throat while my heart slows down again
For some reason I'm fighting the urge to scream;
Like...
My heart's being compressed down so hard it's bursting at the seam.
I'm fighting tears for the same reason I've been crying year after year
And...
I know I'm not thinking straight... But my sanity's not 100% here.
I hate taking medicine because I don't understand what's up in my body
But...
I've resorted to poppin' since I'm up all day up all night like it's an ongoing party.
Tempted to relocate a razor, sip some vodka, or induce this behavior.
So...
I exert those external thoughts towards the exit of my mind because they're a danger.
I hold out until I come to the conclusion that I can no longer suppress the scream scratching at my throat...
And...
I turn up my music, grab my teddy bear, cry a bit, and just drift off in a place called Neverland on a boat
Where all I feel is loneliness , violation, and fear
Just...
Screaming and crying out for someone with a listening ear.
To come get this man up off of me, up out of me, take him away from me
But...
Just like then no one heard... No one cared... Not one bird... See.
Even they flew in the opposite direction unaware of how much that hurt
And...
The pills keep me locked in that world until the last SKUUUUR-T moment.
I awake either in the fetal position and/or with my heart pounding
Then...
I remember how I just saw myself trembling...shouting;
I'm Crying, resisting, just trying to stop what always takes place
When ...
A male gets my vulnerable a** all alone, forcing me to taste
The intense burning of masculine hands and a hint of trickled rage
With...
A side of familiar violations and fear cooked up with sage.
A bitter meal made up of the tormented moments that draaaag on through the next meal
So...
Let's forget that disgusting platter and resort to popping pills
Because no longer will I cut nor embrace hatred
But...
There's still sadness lingering around this let go.. tainted..
I won't hold these transgressions against men any longer
Because...
With their lusting hands and raspy commands among me I've become stronger.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
For the third time he’s got her, he’s trying to get it in;
She’s saying no, but whatever… he just won’t listen.
“Stop, Get the f--- off me! Don’t touch me… NO!”
She’s fighting, she’s glaring, but he isn't letting go.
People walking by, glimpse, looks away;
Pleading with her eyes, still no one stays…
From that moment she realized nobody cares,
Because when she needed someone, no one was there.
He’s groping her everywhere; her petite frame is crushed-
Between his body and a wall... the opposite of plush;
She’s in uniform; and inspection is in an hour,
Whining as he abuses her, draining all of her power…
There’s an opening, she strikes… she tries to run;
He grabs her by her hair, throws her around, he isn't done.
Feeling every jab in her back gritting against the wall,
And every time he draws back with his hand curled into a ball…
She now fears that anytime she strikes, he’ll strike back,
And it seems that manners are something that he unfortunately lacks.
So she stops hitting, she just pushes and blocks,
But he’s so d--- big! Like a boulder, a rock…
Hold in your tears; don’t let him see you cry,
Playing over through her mind like a lullaby.
She keeps on her face disgust and anger as he violates her everywhere;
Hoping for a hero, in the parking lot, past the cars…she just stares.
It’s over, he walks her to class and she’s in a daze;
Feeling so exposed, angry, and ashamed...
...
..
.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
Summer is finally leaving to rest,
As the trees are ceasing to look their best.
Life... Gathering, running, taking flight.
Leaves are flying, yet never losing sight.
As the days grow shorter, nights even colder.
The trees grow bare...Although beauty is still there.
Listen as the leaves whisper, feel as the breeze brushes your cheek...
Winter is almost here, wildlife...it grows weaker.
But listen...can you hear it?
It's coming... wait! The fall, it's here...(;
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
This Part of Me Wants to be Patient &&" Have More Self Control.
So that Temptation Doesn't Make Me Jump Whenever it Says Go.
This Side of Me Attracts Boys unexpectedly &&" Easily Makes Friends.
&&" Whenever iFall for Someone My Feelings are Strong, very Hard to Bend.
I'm Not Afraid to Stand Out, iTry not to but iAlways Do.
I'm a Shoulder to Cry on &&" Justify What iFeel is True.
I'm not Afraid to Act Unmannerably in the Prescence of Others,
&&" I'm a Romantic so iRespect Lovers .
iSmile at Random People &&" Hold my Head High
Because iKnow Who iAm &&" iKnow what to Walk by.
iRun Home with My Hair Down, Breathing in Flowers, &&" Listening to the Trees..
iAdore &&" Love to Watch the Sunset Right Above the Sea.
You Will Always Catch Me Singing Something Though iSound Terrible,
&&" It's Very Difficult for Me to Find Someone Comparible.
I've Been Told I'm Different &&" iBelieve that to be True.
Yet iKnow I'm No Better &&" No worst than Anyone, Even You...
I am Sweet to Whomever Comes Before Me,
&&" iKnow that Right Within Lies My True Beauty.
This Part of Me is Merciful &&" Empathetic,
This Side of Me Wont Laugh in Your Face &&" Call You Pathetic.
I am a Lover When iDon't Have to Fight...
A Sweetheart that will Sit Down, Cry With You, &&" Hold You Tight.
Who is Competitive When Playing Any Type of Game.
Who Doesn't Seek Other's Money nor Fame.
iEnjoy What's Given to me &&" Love to Entertain Others...
&&" Cares for a Child as if iWere their Own Mother
iLook for the Beauty in the World Because there is Light
&&" I'm Not Afraid to Take Chances Because of Fright.
This one's Shy Because Compliments Make Me Feel Insecure &&" Flattered.
The Only Difference is that she hopes, while the other me is Shattered.
Two Extremely Different People but I am not the First One,
That one "Kinda" Took Over &&" She Think She's Won.
People tend to Hold on to Me &&" not Wanna Let Go...
iSuppose There's Alot More Inside that this Mean Face Won't Show.
iDon't Know if I've Let You Really get to Meet This Side Yet..
But Remember, I'm Quickk to Leave so Pleasee Don't Forget.
iKnow this is Alot so Thank You For Lending Me Your Ear,
&&" iDon't Trust You completely cuz idk if...You'll Still Be Here.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2013
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Angel C Poem
Having someone like you
around would be something
new
I wouldn't even mind wasting
my time doing what you wanna
do
You're a handful I know... but
you know I am too.
So if you got me then I see no
reason for why I shouldn't have
you.
It's only been a couple months
but you've really caught my
attention...
Not by appearances but your
personality's a fascination..
Wanting to give you
something... A laugh... Some
affection.
Or maybe just a deeper insight
of my perception...
Closed is what I am but it's not
what I wanna be...
Giving me a sense of
reassurance that seems to be
guaranteed
Your heart seems to be as
sweet as sugar yet as hard as
steel
Making me wanna get a taste
then pull apart your guarded
seal
A sweetheart you are... As well
as a potential friend..honestly
The word seems so weird but
labels aside... You're someone
special to me
I woke up one morning and felt
like you could possibly be
trustworthy
Psssst.. Deonté! Can I tell you
something?
I like you when you're bald and
even when you're hairy...
I'd still carry you even if you
were an outdated blackberry...
I'd be a canvas if you would be
the artist...
I'd be interested in whatever if
you had some part in this...
I'd be the syrup if you'd be the
pancakes...
I'd be a gas pedal as long as
you were the brakes...
I'd be the chocolate and you
could be the strawberries...
If I was alone I'd rather you
travel through my memories.
All jokes aside I love your
voice...
If I could have you with me
then there's no other desirable
choice...
I don't like when you're
hurting... it makes me feel
helpless.
I don't like when you're upset...
It makes me feel feckless.
I do like when you're happy...
It makes me feel at ease.
And I do like when you're
amused...
It makes me feel oh so lovely.
I gotta say don't let these
suckas steal your joy
They're not worth the trouble
so don't stay annoyed...
Just know that if there's ever a
day where nobody cares...
You may find me online cus I'll
most likely be there.
Thank you for showing me you
truly do care...
I'd prefer you didn't worry
because I don't think it's fair...
To suffer through my bs but
Your thoughts I'd want you to
share...
And one other thing...
Have a Happy New Year.
Copyright © Angel C | Year Posted 2014
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