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Janelle Sarah Poem
Her breathing was so even and calm,
Sleeping in that bed,
Her face once distorted with so much pain,
Now seems so soft and painless,
Looking closer to her face,
I think she’s kind of smiling,
Maybe she’s dreaming of when she was well,
Or maybe she’s dreaming of me, I can’t tell.
I remember summer evenings; we’d sit in the grass,
She’d tell me stories that I had never heard,
About people and places from the past,
She even shared her dreams with me,
And swore me never to tell,
That one day she would fly away,
And get out of what she called hell.
She never liked the place that we called home,
Always saying there was so much more,
But where I never saw, and always failed to ask,
I think she thought she wouldn’t have been sick,
If she hadn’t lived there,
But I know she would still be,
No matter where she did dwell.
Sometimes I would feel sad,
Because I know my time with her would end,
That one day she would be so sick,
She wouldn’t get back out of bed,
I feel this time has come,
She’s been in bed a long time now,
Her skin has lost its tan,
She’s so white and fragile now,
I’m afraid I’ll break her if I touch her,
I was told even though she sleeps, she can still hear me,
So I tell her lots of tales,
And all my darkest secrets,
I swore her never to tell,
That I wish that she were well,
Lately everyone around has been so sad,
So many tears- I don’t understand,
Is she finally going away?
From this place that she called hell?
Is she finally going to be free from pain,
And actually fly away?
I’ll guess she may have already,
Maybe that’s why she smiled,
Maybe in her dreams,
She’s flying high in the sky,
Sleep now,
And I will do the same,
I know that when I open my eyes,
Yours won’t because your time has finally came.
I’ll miss you forever.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
Listening to these old songs,
Telling me a story,
A story about a girl,
Who met a boy,
Who loved the boy,
Who lost the boy,
Who grew up to fast,
Who feels like she lost valuable time,
Who knows in her heart,
Should would do it again,
She cried in the song,
When she knew he wasn’t coming back,
She was said he left,
Couldn’t understand why,
Didn’t want to understand why,
Her friends had warned her,
Told her to stay away,
She didn’t listen.
Now she looks back, oddly they were right.
How could they have seen that?
How could she have not?
But leave it to a young girls heart,
To blind her from the truth,
How else can you teach her,
To be strong,
To fall, get back up, and do it again,
Until she doesn’t fall again.
No one knows for sure,
That’s how the song ends,
Does she love again?
Does she leave it behind?
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
Red rose petals in the bathtub of scented dripping water,
Candles gently flickering in the background,
Sending an iridescent glow throughout the bathroom,
Soft melodies can be heard from a distant room.
Why is it so sad?
A naked body stands in front of a fogging mirror,
A tear trickles down a wet cheek,
Sadness weeps through those glistening eyes,
A chin quivers and sighs,
Inside the sound of a weak heart can be heard,
Thumping loudly,
Ringing in the ears,
Boom – boom, boom – boom, boom – boom,
Why is it so loud?
A hand reaches down onto the counter by the sink,
Grabs a hold of something and draws it up,
Those sad eyes take one last look into that fogging mirror, and shut tightly,
The blood starts to drip so fast,
Down the arms,
Onto the sink, floor and feet,
Fear, panic, dizziness overwhelming,
Into the red rose petal bath,
Odd – the water turns so dark,
The red so vibrant,
Why is blood red?
Slipping into incoherence,
The fear is gone, panic disappeared,
Falling now – maybe floating,
Until;
There is no more,
Why is that so ironic?
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
I can’t explain why I felt what I felt,
At that very moment in time.
What made my heart crackle, shatter, and break.
Why in that instant I felt utterly and completely consumed with sadness,
There is no logical reasoning for letting something so small,
Hurt me in such a huge, and profound way.
I hate you for making me feel that way,
I hate myself more for letting you make me feel that way.
Hate that I still can feel sadness because of you,
As if you haven’t hurt me enough before,
You still hurt me after, without even knowing it.
Without me even realizing it will hurt me.
Oh, what bliss I could feel if I could just let it stop hurting me,
If I could only shut that door in my heart,
And leave it locked, throw away the key.
There is no reason for anyone to be in there,
No good reason the door should ever be unlocked.
If only my brain could do what is right for my heart and shut it out.
Take over the heart, make it stop feeling,
Make it stop double beating when there is excitement,
Make it stop bleeding with pain,
Agonizing pain, stop.
Stop now.
Give me strength to leave it behind,
Give me strength to shut the door,
Give me strength to keep it locked.
A tear won’t be shed for you,
The only tears that shall fall from these broken tired eyes,
Shall be the tears of happiness for someone deserving of those tears.
Someone grateful enough they would bottle them up and cherish them forever.
Like a precious gem.
My tears are precious gems.
Hard to get,
Unforgettable,
And almost always deserving.
Not for you.
You are not deserving of my tears,
Nor any part of my heart.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
To whom it may concern:
Someone once told me that in order to love yourself on the outside,
You have to love the inside first,
Easier said than done.
Since I know I’ve never done that- and now- will never.
It’s not that I don’t love you all,
My constant failures- the disappointment I am to you- and seem to always be.
I’m sorry.
Those words don’t seem like they mean much, but I heartfully mean them.
What can I say papa?
I made a mistake,
You’d think because I miss you so much, I’d do everything in my power to see you again one
day.
But papa- I’m not as strong as you were,
I couldn’t keep fighting- I gave up.
Papa please don’t hate me because I’m weak,
Please don’t be disappointed- and please, don’t forget me.
Because there has not been a day since you passed that I haven’t thought about you.
Wished I could tell you I love you- and that I miss you.
Sometimes I wish I had your guidance.
Remember when you tried to teach me how to tell time?
Or we’d sneak snacks before dinner?
Or the way you used to rub your face against mine and sting my face with your whiskers,
Oh papa, I can still hear your laugh!
Sometimes I would think about you hard enough, I would believe I could still hear your voice.
Why did you leave?
Why couldn’t dreams come true and you’d be here with us still?
Why couldn’t I come with you?
A part of my heart died when you did, I don’t think anyone could understand that now.
It’s been so long papa- why is it whenever I think of you, I still cry?
Why is this wrenching pain still there?
I miss you so much papa.
I miss being papa’s little girl,
I miss those painful whisker burns,
And sneaking those snacks,
I miss the man you were.
I loved you then,
I love you still,
And I will love you until the end of my time.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
Dizzy moments,
Spent thinking of you,
Feeling foolish,
The thoughts that dance in my head.
Hopes of a future,
No cares of a past,
Simple bliss,
I’m ignorant to reality,
My world is colorful,
It’s beautiful,
The sun never goes down,
the river is cool and refreshing.
The look you give me,
Could warm me,
If it were cold,
When it rains,
I twirl in its midst.
I smile,
Laugh,
Feel alive,
Even if I were dead,
I would be alive,
Knowing you’re in my world,
The garden in my world,
Grows fruits of passion,
Never ending apples of lust,
Grapes of compassion,
Melons of loyalty.
Thank you,
For giving me my world,
For letting me dream,
For giving me something,
To dream about.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2007
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Janelle Sarah Poem
My world is spiraling out of control,
Spiraling,
Spiraling,
Out of control.
Grasp it tightly you say?
Grasp it and don’t let it go?
Remain strong, remain vigilant,
Remain on top?
I am trying, trying so hard,
Trying and fighting,
Fighting and trying,
To stay in control,
They make it so hard,
So hard to keep hold,
They push me, they pull me,
They try to force me to remain,
To say nothing,
To do nothing,
I know I can’t.
I must be strong to survive this game,
To play by the rules,
That I must inforce,
So hard this can be,
So hard it is now,
I fight them,
They push me,
I fight them,
They pull me.
So many times I hear I am too young,
There is no age to what I do,
I am not too young,
You’re not too old,
It’s not how old you are,
It’s what you know,
I know this job,
I know this job better than life,
It’s what I breathe now,
It’s what I live for most of the time.
Stop pushing me around,
Yes, I seem quiet,
Yes, I seem together,
Yes it seems nothing is bothering me,
But it is.
You are what’s making this harder than it has been,
No you have not changed everything since you came,
No you have not fixed all the problems,
And if I am to find, that you’ve said anything else,
I will cut you out,
I will make you stop,
I will let you go.
No one likes to be ended by someone so young,
Then do as I ask,
Don’t tell me I’m wrong,
Don’t forget who I am,
I am
Your boss.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
I see you looking at me,
Watching my every move,
Listening to my every word,
I know you wonder why I chose you,
Why for some reason you stuck out amongst the rest,
How it is, I decided to spend my time with you.
There is not a complex answer,
I can not tell you what it was,
But simply my curiosity.
The way you looked at me the first glance,
The way you continued to look at me,
The way you watched me as I walked away.
There was a silent type,
Yet something in your eyes told me you could hurt me,
Told me you could break my heart,
Told me you could make me crumble.
I do not want to be hurt by you,
But it is a chance I am willing to take,
Because my curiosity as won,
And I want you as mine.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2007
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Janelle Sarah Poem
I loved,
It hurt,
Can’t understand why anyone,
Would ever want that.
Why fall for someone,
Knowing it may end,
Knowing what heartbreak feels like.
The gut wrenching feeling it leaves,
This feeling so hopeless, so helpless, so lost,
Why tears seem to flow,
They never fix anything,
Maybe help exhaust your soul, so it may sleep.
Why love someone,
Who can’t seem to love you?
Why stay with someone,
When they don’t seem to care to stay with you?
Why stand beside someone,
When they want you behind?
Why care for someone,
Try to change for someone,
Try to get along with someone,
When they won’t do it for you?
Why put someone first,
When they’re doing the same,
Why care so deeply,
When they never tell you,
That you are special to them,
That they need you,
That they would do anything for you.
Why care,
When they don’t?
Why cry,
When they’re not?
Why bother,
When they haven’t?
Why does it still hurt to think about it?
When you know you did the right thing.
It’s hard not to pick up the phone,
Hard not to see them,
Hard not to be with them,
But it’s safer for your heart.
If this is what love is,
I want no part of it,
Ever again.
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2006
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Janelle Sarah Poem
Why does it still hurt?
Why is it every time I hear from them,
Or hear about them,
I feel ripped inside?
Was it really you I loved so much,
And didn’t want to lose,
Or was I in love with your family,
Because they loved me too.
How come when I look back,
I was sadder to see them go in the end,
And barely crushed I hadn’t heard from you,
Numb from any pain you could have caused?
Maybe, despite how much you broke me down,
Your family built me up,
They were always there,
Because you never were.
My heart to hearts were not with you,
They were with your mom, your sister.
While you were out being you,
Doing only god knows.
This sadness I feel deep inside,
Is not because of what I miss of you,
But not having them-I don’t get to keep them.
I miss them. More than you know.
You’ve moved on- and I am so glad for you,
I’ve moved on, but I am alone.
That doesn’t hurt.
What does,
Is the thought they’ll love her,
Maybe more than they did me,
And I would lose the one thing I did deserve,
The one thing you couldn’t continue to give me,
Love.
Maybe I will continue to fade away into the past and I will only
become, “remember her?”
Copyright © Janelle Sarah | Year Posted 2007
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