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Erin Green Poem
I Once Knew A Man
What happened to the man I met?
The one I fell desperately in love with
The one I thought was a God send
He was the one who reminded me that the ruff exterior I wore
Was simply a wall of defense I’d created as a way to protect myself from hurt
He reminded me that there was a softer side to me
That there was still someone out here who was able to notice the diamond that shined within
He made me believe that he understood that the hard exterior I wore was just a role played
in an attempt to easily navigate between the worlds I live in
He made me feel comfortable talking to him about anything, everything and nothing at all
Never once believing judgment was being passed or that I was being looked down upon for
decisions made that time and maturity have now shown me differently about
When we hit sticking points
He showed me that it was okay to agree to disagree
To understand and embrace the individuality within each other
Respecting the fact that we each have our own mindsets and ways of thinking
To appreciate our differences and consider them as a blessing that someone has been put in
out lives to show us a different perspective
He made me realize that some of the vilest, most degrading sexual fantasies I had
Could be turned into some of the softest, most tender moments by two people who cared
about the others needs, wants & desires
The man allowed my inner child, long since locked away by the realities of adult life and
responsibility, feel that she once again had a playmate
Someone who, for just a little while every now and again, wanted to leave reality behind
And just be
He made me believe that I’d found the one I’d been looking for
For so long
The one who’d love me
Unconditionally
Who’d protect me from all hurt, harm and danger
Someone who would never think to allow any of those things to come to me by his words or
actions
Someone who’d take the time to try and understand the me that is me
Recognizing that I am a work in progress
That with each day, I take another step toward a better me
I knew that man
once upon a time
I met him
And fell madly in love with him
If anyone sees him
Please tell him
I miss him dearly
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
Sometimes..............I Think
Sometimes...
I think back to the days before you came into my life and I'm left wondering what I was
doing and how I made it through.
Sometimes...
I think of how full and complete my life feels with you in it and I can't do anything but smile.
Sometimes...
I think about how you could have and deserve so much more than I can offer yet, you still
stay.
Sometimes...
I think of you ambition and potential and am left asking myself if I'm a blessing to your gifts
or a burden.
Sometimes...
I think of times when we've argued and I've physically struck out at you. For those times I
am utterly embarrassed and desperately sorry.
Sometimes...
I think of my past relationships and wonder just how much of their BS is still my baggage
and how it'll effect what I’m trying to have with you.
Sometimes...
I think of where I'd be if you weren't here in my life and each time I draw a blank.
Sometimes...
I think of how it'd be to grow old with you, watching each other age and mature with time.
Sometimes...
I think I need to just stop and thank God a little more for sending you to me.
Sometimes...
I think that I couldn't love you anymore than I already do, then you go and do or say
something that makes me love you a little more.
Sometimes...
I think...
and all I can think of
is you.
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
I’m not a poet
I’m not an author
I’m simply
A writer
This is my outlet
My way of venting
I write about what’s on my mind
What I’m feeling
I write the things I want to say
But don’t for one reason or another
Because
I’m a writer
The person you see everyday
The face you see
It’s a mask
Just another character of my imagination
It’s what is needed to maneuver through my day
In an attempt to realize my dream
I’m a writer
In my writings I get to be myself
Expressing myself in a way that I believe gives you a true and honest piece of me
In the rawest form possible
While at the same time
Recognizing that it doesn’t matter that I think I have something worth being heard
But that you think I have something worth hearing
All because
I’m a writer
My pen and my paper are my only true friends
Never faltering
Never judgmental
Never disappointing
They are there from the first word to the last
They support my thoughts and ideas
Even the bad ones
And they are always within reach
Waiting when I have something to say
Because they too know
I’m a writer
I read everything I get my hands on
Soaking up every iota of information it contains
From the random trivia to abstract literary technique
Absorbing it and allowing it to manifest itself through my words
Hoping that it is making me better at my craft
Because
I’m a writer
I put my heart and soul into my work
Adding a little piece of me in every line I write
Opening myself up to your criticisms and critiques
Of my thoughts
Of my ideas
Of me
And when the rejections hurt
I wear yet another mask
The one with the big smile
I turn to my friends; the pen and paper
And I write
Because it’s what I’m supposed to do
Because
I’m a writer
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
I used to love a man
Who loved to love me baby
And he had no problem showing me in every way possible
This man I used to love
Showed me a level of passion, romance & affection I’d never known
In some of the simplest ways ever
This man used to talk with me
Not TO me…..but with me
Giving value to my thoughts, ideas & opinions
Not just listening to me
But hearing me & appreciating my words
This man used to be so affectionate
I couldn’t be around him without his hands on me some kind of way
Any kind of way
Every kind of way
And I loved it
This man reminded me that it was safe to love someone
And that I still deserved to be loved
He made me realize that negative experiences & relationships of my past
Were just that
The past
This man made me believe in a future
In the possibility of a ‘happily ever after’
With him
When I’d given up hope
Thinking happily ever afters only existed in the Golden Books of my childhood
This man I used to love
Allowed me to enjoy sex again and made me feel comfortable with dropping my inhibitions
and being exposed
With him I allowed the whore within me to reveal herself
And he embraced her and loved her too
Regardless of how vile and nasty she got
This man I used to love
Used to love me utterly & completely
He made me believe in myself again
He made me believe in possibilities
He made me believe in him
I believed him when he said I could trust him
I believed him when he said he would never hurt me
I believed him when he said I could depend on him
I believed him when he said he’d always be there for me
His back against mine as we take on the world
I believed in him
I never would have thought
And still find it hard to believe
I was putting all of that belief
All of that trust
All of that love
Into a representative
His representative
Not really him
But just a part of him
The part he wanted me to see
To know
To love
He kept hidden the real him
He let me find out on my own
That he’d lie to serve his own purpose
I found out on my own how little my feeling really meant
The hardest part though
Was finding out that the person I loved so much
Didn’t love me the same way
I really do miss that representative
And I’ll hold on to the memory of him
For as long as I live
Because even though I didn’t have him long
For the short time I did
I knew love
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
I used to wonder
What you sounded like
What you looked like
Why you weren’t here
For so long,
I thought my punishment from God for all the wrong I was GONNA do, was your absence.
I wondered if I were simply a mistake of two teenagers who didn’t know their head from
their a$$es.
I used to ask about you, a lot.
I was either sent outside to play or given a look that told me I shouldn’t even be asking.
So I stopped and simply accepted what I had
And I always had plenty,
Even when I was too ungrateful to realize it.
I let thoughts of you go
During what I call ‘The Dark Years’
The years when I’d hardened my heart and my mind
The years when I felt like my life was founded on rejection and pain
The years when I didn’t care about much of anything, including myself
My teens and early twenties weren’t much fun at all.
Then something happened
I became a mother
The father proved that he wasn’t ready to be a father
I entered the real world
I got a better understanding of what you and Mommy just have faced
A better understanding of the responsibility it brings
Over the years
I’ve matured
I’ve gotten smarter
I’ve grown into a woman
And my mind came back to you
I started again to wonder
What you looked like
What you sounded like
If you thought of me, like I was thinking of you
My wonderment got the best of me and I replaced it with a need to know
To know
If you were still alive
If you lived close or far
If you were a fine, upstanding person
Or some cracked out drunken loser
Not that any of it really mattered
I just needed to know
So I began my search
For answers
For closure
For my father.
Each leg of my search brought me new revelations.
You were still alive
You were married
You had other children
And finally
An exact location
It took courage I didn’t have even know I had to send that letter
It took even more to answer that first phone call
Stomach flipping
Heart pumping
With a simple “hello”
A door opened
To my past
To my future
To the unanswered parts of me
To my father
Now that I’m here
I don’t regret a moment lost
I know that time cannot be replaced
But a new, improved future can be made.
And with you, my father
I’m looking forward to it.
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
I saw a young couple on the bus the other day
And knew right away what my eyes was beholding
Young love
His arm around her
Her snuggled into his side
The intense conversation
Hanging on to each others every word
The shared giddiness as they find each other totally hilarious
The game of cat & mouse played
In search of one common goal
A simple kiss
Young love
Seeing it makes me remember
What that used to feel like
The innocence
The sincerity
The freeness
The pureness
I miss that time
Miss that feeling
I envy them
And their young love
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
I have been challenged
To everyday
Just WRITE SOMETHING
You’d think that’d be a simple task
Since I call myself a writer
Just WRITE SOMETHING
Isn’t as easy as it seems.
What am I supposed to write
When all I’m trying to do is
Just WRITE SOMETHING?
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About how I woke up feeling great, ready to take on the day
Until I turned on the news heard the snow storm hit earlier than expected
Making the commute to and from work a complete disaster
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About how for once
The CTA was running on time
And I actually made it to work early
As opposed to my standard 5 – 10 minutes late
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About how long my workday seems to drag when I’m in the office
And how fast times flies when I’m not
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About how I’m grateful that I have a job
But really feel like I’m just spinning my wheels coming here everyday
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About the homeless woman I saw during lunch
And how I wondered where she’d go tonight when the ‘deep freeze’ hits
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About never finding the time to myself to write
Instead settling on jotting lines down
On whatever piece of paper is handy
Whenever something comes to mind
Maybe I should WRITE SOMETHING
About how at the end of the day
I look in my notebook and all I see written is
I WISH I COULD’VE THOUGHT
OF SOMETHING TO WRITE
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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Erin Green Poem
As we grow into adults
We get lesson after lesson
Of sacrifice
And we’re shown again and again
Its rewards
We sacrifice
For our kids
For our family
For that car
For this house
For that job
For this status
We go without
We abstain
We hold back
All for a greater cause
This time
My lesson
Will be the sacrifice made
For me
For my craft
For my writings
I will sacrifice time from the kids
Because they’d rather be somewhere, anywhere, other than hanging with their mom
I will sacrifice time from my spouse
Because he’d much rather have more time to talk with his mistress than talk with me about
our future
I will sacrifice money from my measly earnings
Because I may be living paycheck to paycheck but the few dollars spent to be amongst other
people who share the same passion of writing
Is worth it to me
I will sacrifice whatever is needed
Because I believe
It is time
Copyright © Erin Green | Year Posted 2009
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