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Best Jim David Poems

Below are the all-time best Jim David poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Details | Jim David Poem

The Gulf

They take
We rake!


Details | Jim David Poem

Keep it polite, please......(my WORST poem ever!!!!)

Four Ugly Colored Kittens 
Often Fight Fatigue

Sugar Honey Iced Tea
Helps Everything Any Day

Darn Umpire Misjudged Ball
Can't Understand Normal Thinking

Gary Only Dreamed Darla Answered Mail Now
As She Started Having Other Liaisons Earnestly


Details | Jim David Poem

How Mr Pie came to rule the world

It all started when Mr. Pie was a little bugger,
Just a wisp of fluff in the palm of your hand.
"Oh, isn't mama's little man the most handsomest EVER?!"
Not a day has gone by when he has argued that point!
"Be careful with all that encouragement" I prophetically warned,
"It may go straight to his head!!"....and what a head it became!!
Grey, dignified, regal....a lions mane with white marbling.
2 golden eyes piercing you with that casually bored stare one may give to one's shoes.

Every morning at 8 am and every night at 10 pm he demonstrates his knowledge of time.
Head-butting the door and SCREAMING the words "MOM!!! 
MAAAWWWMMMM!!......NOW???!!???.........MOM???   NOWWWWW??" (for real!!)
Needless to say, he's got us trained pretty well,
But we're still working on house-breaking me!!!!!
He still has yet to teach us PROPER portion control,
And I get the impression I'm not so popular when I give less than expected.
Maybe it's the "Death-threat" stare, or maybe the Kitty Log in my slippers, I don't know!

All I can tell you is don't EVER make the mistake of addressing him as a "cat"
Or you may come to know the justice of King Pie, The Terrible........just a warning!!




Details | Jim David Poem

The perspective of a Halloween candle....

Bright, orange, white, flicker.....
Two black eyes, one dark mouth viewed,
I'm the flame inside

They trim the flesh out
Stubby children's hands; entrails
I'm the flame inside

My face-like windows
My removable roof-top
I'm the flame inside


Details | Jim David Poem

I wish I had headlice

I wish I had headlice, so I'd get out of work for a day.
I wish I had headlice, to play hookey, I say
I wish I had headlice, I could trick-or-treat alone
I wish I had headlice, I'd get more loot per home!!
I wish I had headlice, I'd get the block to myself
I wish I had headlice, My candy, My wealth!!
I wish I had headlice, my candy stash would be SOOO BIG!!
But mostly, quite honestly, I wish I had headlice,
'Cause some jerk stole my EFFING WIG!!!!

(TRUE STORY!!)


*for the "Show me the Funny" contest!*


Details | Jim David Poem

Walkin' With My Wiener In My Hand......

(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

See the frost, watch it glisten
Too much beer, I'm on a mission
To write my name in the snow 
With a funny yellow glow
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

Got a trenchcoat that I'm wearing
So that I can do some "sharing"
Maybe my legs are too white
That gives 'em a fright
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

At the lounge we were chillin'
After time, my bladder's fillin'
I stagger left and then right
Hope I make it in time
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!

Feels so good to drain my lizard
From behind I hear a whisper
"I hope you'll be done soon, 
'cause you're in the ladies room!"
Walkin' with my wiener in my hand!


Details | Jim David Poem

Last Bell.....

Man, I remember the thrumming of that last bell of the school year.....
Like a prisoner being furloughed into the warm sun, buzzing of grasshoppers.
Field stickers burrowing into your ankles, joyfully, while you take the wrong way/long way 
back.
The sound of whispering gold as your armplane wings dislodge future assaulters of ankles.
I always liked sighs in the summer.....those sweet drones were the tones of freedom.
In the distance you hear Shirley scream as Brad tells EVERYBODY she likes Ralph...
You knew you should be gettin' home, but, confound it, this one brief moment was yours. 
Eternal.
There was a sound, like a shell to the ear, of all you had learned, escaping as if under 
pressure.
To thwart it was to stop a tsunami with an umbrella.....ineffectual....unnoticed.
But, also vacant, was common sense; probably why I went Jake's way that day....
Oh, he was there, lurking...lying in wait for my almost clock-work arrival.
Many a day I had screamed a million insults at him as he chased me like Satan,
Hoping "today" wasn't the day he caught up with me.
His exhalations never sounded labored, as if he was letting me get ahead.....
But not today!!!!!.....I JUMP......He LUNGES......and his teeth gain purchase on my seat!!!!
However, I escape....My bottom, that much cooler than it was before and will probably be 
later!
........................
.........
.....
...
Home.......... you see mom in the kitchen, drinking sun tea and waiting for you to arrive....
"So, How was school?"..."Uh, fine, I guess."     "What did you learn today?"......."Uh, to never 
underestimate the value of Gym Class!!"......"Well," she says, "if you took home economics, 
you'd be able to fix up your pants before Dad gets home and sees your underwear!!"......

Parents NEVER respect an Adventurer's near-fatal exploits!!!


Details | Jim David Poem

The Shaman of Modernity

She put herself out there
Alone, cleansed from the stink of the city
She perfects the art of quieting one's mind
The fading blah blah blah's, a relic of "Civilization"

She hears slight groans from above and below
A sickening wrench to her heart
The transmission is unanimous

"STOP!!!!!", "PLEASE!!", "THERE'S STILL TIME..."
Cedar, stone, and river feel the break coming
If only the stewards renewed their vows to Terra

From out of the black she snaps awake, eyes of terror, urgency and hope
It is clear to her what she must do, no alternative
She must return to the metropolis she loathes
To rally the spiritually dead, to reconnect them to planet frequencies

She sacrifices herself for her love of the land and the hope of her brethren



Details | Jim David Poem

Ramblings of a Graveyard shift worker....

I used to complain about having to work at night on weekends.
Everyone was having fun but li'l ol' me.
Some years back I had an epiphany on the matter.
Suddenly, I had time to cash my check AND pay my bills!
Then, I might possibly catch a movie, which has plenty of seating on Monday nights!
But my favorite part is: The People Zoo.
I started visualizing folks in their cubicles and at their counters as exhibits.
You find mostly monkeys in cubicles working for some government agency.
The sharks you'll find in the car lots and on showroom floors.
The insects buzzing and dutifully mimicking their peers are found at schools.
The buzzards and carrion feeders can be found at law firms and in courtrooms.
The bulls and bears can be found scrapping it out on Wall street,
While the elephants and donkeys exchange insults on the TV monitors.
The pigs are found cruising the streets making sure the rats and snakes don't take over.
The blood-sucking Vampire bats can be found working for insurance companies.

BUT.......

Just a warning: Most of these exhibits offer you no protection from the brutality of nature!
There are no tour guides and no guarantees of safety or fun.....
And, one more thing: They will eventually come to see you in YOUR exhibit!


Details | Jim David Poem

Human sandcastles

we build ourselves up
into what we want to be...
life's tide erodes us


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