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Ellen Heafield Poem
Late night overthinking
Heart racing, made up situation anticipating
Feelings chasing, dread encasing
I return, rewind to the start, replaying the awful part.
When they said that, what did they actually mean?
Conversation misconstrued, I probably came across really rude!
Going through that scenario
Searching for a way to let it go
Heart racing, situation is escalating
Tears rolled, feelings uncontrolled
I was the glue...holding it all together, what happened? Who knew?
Mentally stumbling
Rock and a hard place,
Put on your brave face
Dulling my shine
When will my mind be mine?
Getting caught on my thoughts
Trying to shake it, positive thinking,
deep breathing, count to ten, not working - count again.
Feeling like I'm sidestepping, continually procrastinating, forever underestimating
I'm in the way, just annoying, self efficacy so low, what to do? I don't know!
People do this so much better,
Heart still racing, face sweating
Non stop fretting, forever regretting
Everybody knows, cognitive overload
Short term-isms vs long term gains,
Refrain, hold back, don't do that!
Don't call them.. what would you say?
You can't say those words, total dismay
Stop it now, enough damage done
Heart racing, painstakingly debilitating
Beating faster, approaching disaster
She looked at me funny, although, that was ten years ago!
It was a silly thing to say, nobody got it anyway!
I've definitely spent too much money
Have a drink - stop the overthink
Numb it out, dim the shout
Not going to have time, I can't be late
thoughts re-group, consolidate
Move out the way,
pushing thoughts to one side, no where to hide, missing my stride
Am I mentally unstable?...No, normally quite able
Damn it, forgot the birthday card
How could I forget when I was remembering so hard
Heart racing, anxiety overtaking
Energy is decreasing, thoughts requiring releasing.
Confidence - an easy task, smiling - just a mask
Need to sleep, mind too deep
Deep breathing, count to ten - not working, count again.
Same time tomorrow? why yes of course!
Powerless to stop the overthinking force
Copyright © Ellen Heafield | Year Posted 2021
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Ellen Heafield Poem
In our first years together we bought a caravan
The living conditions weren't ideal but we had a plan
We moved around a bit so the Council couldn't catch us
The dream far too precious to be snatched from us
We saved our money, working hard - day and night
For the dream we dreamt together was in our sight
We wanted children and a family home
Our dream - something we could call our own
Four years passed and we were doing fine
We were rewarded by our efforts - buying our first house in 2009
We decorated fast - especially one room
This was the place where our first baby would bloom
A month later she arrived,
10 fingers, 10 toes - in our arms she would thrive
We adored her and praised her for every step that she took
We held her, played daily and read her a book
She got poorly one day, we tried to make her feel better
Everything we tried only upset her
We drove to the hospital to wait in A&E
Holding her tight whilst she sat on our knee
The doctors ran their tests looking for answers
Results read out loud, the words - blood cancer
Our dream completely shattered
Getting her better - the only thing that mattered
To Bristol we were taken
Our hearts and minds completely shaken
9 months we spent together as a team
Trying to beat cancer - our new dream!
Taking her back home was the best day of all
Watching her walk through the door was magical!
"We are so lucky to keep her" - which we always say
So many stories don't turn out this way
Another year on, she was getting strong
Now she needed a sister to play along
Our second baby arrived, and wow what a beauty!
We loved her and continued our parental duty
We adored her and praised her for every step that she took
We held her, played daily and read her a book
They laughed and they played and they loved each other too
Together they were happy with me and you
We dreamed of a garden for them to play
Seeing them muddy and collecting bugs for the day
We worked harder still, working day and night
For the dream of our garden and sitting somewhere bright
We found it! - the house of our dreams
Our new garden right there showered in sun beams
The four of us now, the dog and the cat
Enjoying our garden - our own habitat
That brings us to now and our story so far
Us, the kids, the house, the animals, the caravan and car
With ups and downs our dreams came true
And with all of my heart, I love you x
Copyright © Ellen Heafield | Year Posted 2021
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Details |
Ellen Heafield Poem
Unhealthy friendship
Lopsided. I think you would say
The way a taker takes more than a giver can give away
A sad situation, somewhat injust
How someone can take so much that the giver loses trust
Unhinged, unbalanced, the scales tipped too far
Where the giver wants the taker to raise their bar
I made the hardest decision, you'll see...
It was definitely because of you, not me
Not meaning unwell, harm or ill
I couldn't keep giving, I simply lost the will
It's not the words spoken that mean much at all
It's the action which is taken when you see a friend fall
A giver will always catch without hesitation
A taker may catch but after much deliberation
The times you would bail quite unexpectedly
Far too many times you ignored my plea
It wasn't equal or even a bit of give and take
Many of your words completely fake
Unhinged, unbalanced, the scales tipped too far.
How the giver keeps on giving and the taker takes it all!
Copyright © Ellen Heafield | Year Posted 2022
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