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Patricia Ruiz Poem
Things that are on my mind . . . .
Dont really matter much . . . .
Dont matter much, really . . .
I understand that my thoughts are just silly . . .
I've come to an understanding that . . .
Some things I can choose and other things I cant . . .
Certain things I'm lucky enough to have a say . . . .
everything else does not matter, it's not I'm my control anyway . . . .
The things I felt were important . . . .
Have proven to me that they aren't meant . . . .
Find myself on the other side of a traumatic event . . . .
Still obsorbing all of the things I underwent . . . .
I'm still thinking that soon I'll wake up . . . .
From this nightmare I'm dreaming . . .
Keep asking myself why I have not woken up screaming . . . . .
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
I have always like rose flowers but not fully bloomed, not bloomed fully
I had an ideal perfect rose that was colored blue or blue in color for me
I fantasized of my love one day suprising me
I wanted one day for him to sweep me off my feet
The perfect day
In the perfect way
Just him and me
And on that day
Blue roses I would see
The roses would be blue that he gave me
I wanted so much to feel important, sexy, and pretty maybe
In some way be reminded by my love . . .
" momma I love you and your everything to me "
Of course it's a fantasy
When you know it'll never be true
Which is probably why I had yet to see
Roses that were blue
Then one day I had explained
My ideal perfect flower , I explained a blue rose
And how I've yet to see that perfect rose
Was then told that was because it's not how a rose grows
So some how some way I'd have to make it myself I suppose
If I had it my way, blue roses is what I would have chose
For reasons that except GOD himself know one knows
And then one day
I saw on display
A beautiful bouquet
Of blue roses you see
I fantasized that someone picked them for me
I thought they were pretty and stood there and froze
As I stood and admired the bluest rose
I remembered some one telling me
It's a funeral flower . . . And so I thought well maybe
In death someone might give them to me
I'll just have to wait until then to see
Time went by as so life went by
And one day life had happend to me
And had a few things taken from me
I was having a little boy. . . I've already got 3
So #4 was coming to be part of our family
Lifes decision was to bring to a halt the life inside me
Still cant help but to think original plans had included me
I'm just thankful I'm here now to be saying
These things that I'm saying
I'm so glad people love me and started praying
For me and my baby
They prayed for our staying
I was even put down again
Because bleeding kept happening
I woke up from that still in the woods
Hoping to be told things that were good
My baby was fragile this I understood
I didnt think he would die I didnt think he would
But sadly he did
I got my blue Rose's the day he was buried
Blue Rose's on top of the tiny casket my 3 kings carried
I thought oh my babys so sweet he sent some blue Rose's to me
My eyes filled with tears when I thought this
Because I did not want to receive blue Rose's like this
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
It all happend 36 years ago today
The date being april 24th of 1983
Taking place on the highway
Then quickly into eucalyptus tree
The young man in a daze , walked away
Opposite direction of the smashed up tree
Walking directly onto the highway
Getting hit by vehicles in lanes 1, 2 , and 3
It saddens my heart to say
From that moment on ,
He lived through memory
The young mother to be
Was suddenly
Awoken at approximately 3
Collision occurred 30 mins before
So maybe you see
The young daddy to be
Said his goodbyes to her and his baby
He was only 17 about to graduate
Unable to meet his daughter
Before his fate
Meeting eachother would have been great
He had to go though ,
He was unable to wait
Maybe he'll wait
For her at heavens gate
He died april 24th , she was born
July 13th of 1983
He lived on through her and memories
She will never know her daddy
Like no one knows their fate
This is the way things had to be
According to gods plan
She will have to wait
All family and friends were devistated
To learn of this tragedy
So much sorrow and sadness it created
Even worry and concern
For young mother to be
His parents arranged a funeral
For their son now belated
The church overfilled with family and friends
This pain will go away in time
As the heart mends
There was not a single dry eye
Everyone asked the lord
Why did he die
Carrigan arrived and slowly filled
The cemetery
Pawbearers cried silently as they carried
His casket to where hed be buried
He said he wanted blue carnations
When they get married
Blue carnations lay on the casket
The young men carried
She wondered why he left her and his
Baby she still carried
She asked "why did you take him ?"
She asked why he died ?
She asked god to take away
The pain she felt inside
She wondered if she'd see him again
On the other side
She was pregnant , left alone
And horrified
As the blue casket lowered
All her feelings intensified
Everyone bowed their heads
As they cried
So many lives changed the day he died
It took a long time until all
The tears had dried
There wasn't a single dry eye
For their loved one had to die
As everyone said their final goodbye
And heard his mother's painful cry
She wanted to know why
Her son so young had to die
They all were burt and asked GOD why
Or they wondered why
The young father to be
Was a popular guy
And he was just too young to die
He was gonna be a daddy
Didnt deserve to die
Hes gone away now , must cut that tie
To be strong , they must try
Hes got wings now and can fly
Hes an angel now in the sky
Watching from the heavens up high
Over his baby he could not tell " bye "
Continued living through her
Her birth took place that july
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
today when we went to visit you
we saw a little leprachaun visiting with you
He was there at the gravesite sitting with you
he greeted us so happily
" so very pleased to meet you "
he had just completed a journey through a rainbow
and this was where it came to end
the meeting place of such a beautiful angel
who now is this leprachauns very dear friend
which is far more valuable than a pot of gold
He said . . . ." I've traveled to the end of many rainbows
at its end , many riches to behold
but never have I found such a special love and beautiful angel "
"thank you , with all our hearts and souls we love our beautiful little angel "
is what this leprachaun was told
To have him as a part of our life our family we are thankful
he is so very special,
he is OUR pot of gold
he said. . ." yes this , I see
discovering it was a pleasure for me
you ought to consider yourself very very lucky . . . .
in fact even luckier than me . . . .
I tell you that rainbow , by far was the longest journey
but the best journey for me . . .
and it makes me very happy to see
that the truest beautiful treasures
at rainbows endings they be "
He shook my hand to congratulate me
my heart felt warm immediately
and I smiled at the leprachaun looking up at me
then that little leprechaun said to me
"it's a pleasure meeting grama RITA and baby FRANKIE . . . .
I must run along now , your so very lucky
to have known your beautiful angel s
who I got to meet at the end of this rainbow
they are good dear friend s who now I know . . . .
that I'm glad to now know . . . .
I've found my luck and now I must go
to find , to chase another rainbow
oh wait and by the way ,
One more thing I must say
to you and your family . . .
do have a HAPPY HAPPY st Patrick's day
and do remember your luck not just today but EVERYDAY
to you this I say
. . . . once more. . . .
HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
Tomorrow is January 26th an I wish I could rewind back to december
To a day that I will always remember
The day GOD sent me a precious/beautiful treasure
1 of the 4 most happiest days ever if I could, I'd do it all over again with pleasure
If I could, I'd do it again with pleasure
All these feelings, go way beyond measure
The good and the bad, all mixed together
The happy and the sad, lives inside me forever
At 0556 I'll remember waking up separated from you
I can still feel you move inside me before they put me to slaeep
you inside me I wanted to keep just maybe at least another 2 weeks
I woke up without you in my womb
Replace with a horrible pain inside
Then the nurse pushed on my stomach, I started to cry
Did she have to do that? Please tell me why?
No wait I'd rather know more about the pain that's inside
Of my heart and my body the most horrible pain in my life
Some comfort came when I hear that my babys alive and doing okay
1 pound and 5 ounces, december 26th, my babys birthday
Opened the box , memories on display
I wish I had more than a box to remember my baby today
Your tiny little outfit and footprints in a shell
The tiny beanie you wore on your head fit you well
Half way into the box, I catch a smell
Of you, my baby. I want you with me now
The day you were born december twenty six
You weren't due until april, on the 24th
So quickly so suddenly, you were called forth
It seemed when called, you quickly came forth
I'm left with these feelings, I love you I miss you of course
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
mommy was woken up by your early arrival
she decided it was time to open up the bible
as she read she realized it was time to be more mindful
she ask god to forgive her for being so spiteful
what she went through with you she felt it was so frightful
she saw things now in a different way she seemed more insightful
she knows now she wants to change her ways and be a righteous prideful.
she understood you came to soon because changes to be made were vital
one day soon real soon a status she'll entitle
she said the life we live right now is just not even rightful
she seems different now , she said GOD sent her a disciple
in the past she had been oh so trifle
I think maybe you were her disciple
Now the future is filled with smiles and a happiness so delightful
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
The day that I felt the most pain inside
Was the day that my baby died
A month and a few days have gone by
Sleepless nights and countless times I've cried
The pain that I gained that day
Will heal in time, some will say
Others show they think it will/should just go away
The pain is still here
I think its here to stay
I dont believe it'll go away
The day I felt the most pain inside
Was the day that part of me died
Funeral came and went with/as time went by
Dreams repeated and countless times I've cried
The pain that I gained that day
Has left me feeling this way
I've never felt this way
I've never gained a pain this way
The pain is still here
I think its here to stay
I dont believe it'll go away
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
Written on
Date : 25/03/2020
Tomorrow you would be 3 months old
The sadest story is one left untold
The shortest story to ever unfold
I wish I could go back to that december day
I wish I could rewind somehow some way
I wish you were here so we can celebrate
You turning 3 months in 1 more day
I dont think that my pain has lessened truth be told
It seems so much longer than 3 months ago
At the same time , it seems like yesterday
not 3 months ago
I continously think about you and y u had to go
I constantly blame myself . I think u already know
Your always on my mind
Forever in my heart
It just hurts so much now that we re apart
Your due date is next month which isnt very far
Wish I would've taken better care from the very start
The day you were born it was the happiest part
At the same time along with the day u went it was the saddest part
I know you had to go for a reason . That reason broke my heart
Because for that reason we are now apart .
I will love you forever .
And forever I will keep u in my heart
I pray that one day we will be together
Like we should've been from the very start
I thought losing you would've brought our family together
It seems like it's only torn us apart
I wish that I could've held u forever
Wish we would've never had to part
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
Sitting there posted
Looking down to the floor
Thinking bout the most and
How there is no more
It was all a waste and
So there will be no more
Stay where it stands
That's what it's there for
Manipulating demands
Wont be met no more
Couldn't do it first hand
Anyways . . . .so what for ?
Took the dealt out hand
And walked out the door
Probably what was planned
Maybe what's in store
Saw heaven and ran
So the chance . . . No more
Now the devils biggest fan
How much will he pay for
The soul of a son of man
If he wants to buy more
That is now the plan
To Find the devil once more
And to hold out the hand
That hold the soul of a whore
How much will he pay and
Will he need it any more?
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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Patricia Ruiz Poem
04/24/2020 Today is your due date my little BABY
Today was the day the dr's said youd arrive
A lot of emotions surface , because we
Already said hello and had to say goodbye
When they told me the date It was fine by me
One thing that I now see
Is that its GODS plans that we must abide
I do wish that today you were here with me
With more days ahead of you , to thrive
Somedays are sad , some days I'm angry
I'm just hurt because your not alive
Im blessed tho, because an angel is what GOD gave me
When he sent you into my life
I just cant help but to think how we
Could be meeting today for the very first time
It hurts my heart when I sit here and think
You couldve been alive inside me
this entire time
Just 4 months ago you were here with me
Since you've been gone ,
I feel a way no words can describe
I believe one day you'll be back with me
Until that day I'll patiently wait and see
Today we could've said hello but we've already had to say goodbye
Copyright © Patricia Ruiz | Year Posted 2020
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