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Cassie Dekker Poem
Empty promises; that's all your words are.
I care for you, do you even care for me?
I've given so much of myself;
mind, body, and soul, and it seems that
you could care less.
You're all I think about night and day
and you hardly think of me.
I wait for your call or a text.
Sometimes I become so hopeful
that you'll show up at my door,
and yet, it's just another lonely night
that I spend to myself.
Pain and agony bypass my heart
and it cuts deep into my soul,
and you wonder why and think,
"just let it go".
I wonder if there is someone else,
and wonder what they have that I don't.
I try, try, try, and try too many times,
curing the ground that you walk on,
then apologizing unnecessarily.
Why should I apologize?
You've put me on an emotional roller
coaster ride; happiness, sadness, and
anger rush through me like a tidal wave.
Happy when I see you, sad when I cannot,
and angry when you don't even care to try.
I care more about you than I do myself.
My feelings go ignored because I love.
I love someone who doesn't love me back.
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2014
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Cassie Dekker Poem
Addictions have had a great impact on my families life, all on my mother's side.
There were three people in our lives who have three very different addictions, two of them
are still with us. My uncle Ron had an addiction to drugs.
It started innocently enough with pot smoking in high school and drinking on weekends with
his friends. As he got a little older, though not much older, his taste for being high began to
consume his life. He would take acid or mushrooms just to get that "euphoric" feeling, and
when that wasn't enough, he started to snort cocaine. When taht was no longer giving him
the feeling he longed for he turned to the mother of all drugs at that time...heroin.
It consumed him. He began to sell his belongings just to buy enough for a day. He lied and
stole from my grandparents. He told my mom, who was 13 at the time, that it was like
having all your cares washed away in an instant. He compared it to getting your all time
favorite treat just when you needed it the most, and it was completely satisfying. Smoking it
eventually didn't have the desired affect, so he began to shoot it. It wasn't long after that
choice, he was at a party and several of his friends were all shooting it up, so he did too.
They all used the same needles, and that was a fatal choice. One of them had hepatitis and
he got very sick. By the time he went to the doctor, it was too late. He died four days after
being admitted to the UBC hospital. No other hospital would admit him because in the 80's
haptitis was highly contagious and deadly 8 out of 10 times.
He slipped into a coma and then all of his organs started to fail one by one, until eventually
the only thing keeping him alive was the machines. Together my moms family had to decide
to let him go. He was 21 when his life ended very sunddenly from stupid and tragic
circumstances, all because he made some poor choices in life. Sometimes I wish he were
still here, so I could get a chance to meet him. My mom says he was an amazing person, full
of love of life, and sincere devotion to his family...until the drugs came along.
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2010
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Cassie Dekker Poem
A goal, to become the best, to achieve. Only I hold the keys to my dreams.
Graduation is near - it's time to think positively about the future.
Although the world is a scary and unpredictable place,
Just the right attitude will help carry you to cope and face it.
Each and every student is unique,
And each and every one of us wants different things for our lives.
Without a doubt in my mind, there will be a point in all of our lives when
we will have to embrace and be embraced.
Follow your intuition and more importantly, your heart.
Always do your best in everything you do.
To my fellow graduates', the end has come.
With hidden tears and grateful hearts, we bid thee highschool, farewell!
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2012
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Cassie Dekker Poem
My boy,
My best friend,
The one who’s always
There…
My heroin.
You were there for me
When I was sad,
When I needed a shoulder
To lean on.
We were the best of friends,
No one could tear us apart.
Boy, we had our ups
And we had our downs,
But no matter what, we
Were always there for each other.
Every time your pinch touched
My skin, your pessimist, the
Adrenalin racing through my veins
Like a hurricain ripping through my body.
Once more I lay down
Beside you, staring across to
See that evil look you give me
When you know something
Bad will happen.
Once again, nothing tore us
Apart. I am your victim…
You... are my heroin.
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2008
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Cassie Dekker Poem
That first breath you take after one of those times when you feel as though nothing else
could ever matter is one that fills you full of life, and exhilaration. As if a new lease has been
taken out on your existence and you are free to fully understand all that is around you. The
simplistic beauty of nature, and the way things really are. Tall buildings, cars, television, the
toaster oven...these things have no bearing on what really matters.
In that one shining moment when I was alone with myself, I felt like it was just you and I. To
remember these things is like to remember the roads and streets painted on my face with
the tears of happiness, love, joy, sadness, regret, and all emotions in between. The only
moment we were alone, the only moment we existed together without anything but the
infinite. The only moment I was alone with myself to discover who I really was. One in the
same were these moments.
As if we spent every day in the dark until now, you and I, we were always the same...but I
guess I never realized it until now. I speak of, if it wasn't plain enough, of the 'Id'. He is me,
and I am him! I feel as though we truly never experience ourselves in the fullest extents
because we shroud our lives in negativity, worrying about how much money we will make, or
what someone else thinks.
A memory...this is all I have of the shell I once was. A shell that we all used to be! Some
who still exist within these parameters will someday wake with eyes unclothed to see all that
there is. Vibrant color, intoxicating smells, passion around every corner. I feel it, see it,
know it. I am all of these things as every single molecule that represents my structural
makeup is also the same ones that make up every living thing, every inanimate object,
every two hands held as one, and every heart that pumps the blood that keeps us alive.
So we are always searching, and searching, and searching for the things to make us happy
when they're always right in front us, within us if we just want to look hard enough. To fill
your life with positivity will be the greatest gift, and I hope you read this and feel as though I
am taking your hand in mine...and walking off into eternity...for the rest of all of our lives.
The only cure for love....is more love, let positivity set you free.
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2010
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Cassie Dekker Poem
People who talk like they think they are so much better than everyone else, people who are
too stupid to realize that they talk like they think they are so much better than everyone
else, slobs that chew with their mouth open, people think that P-Diddy is cool because
he's 'gangster', people who think that their way is the only way because they think that their
way is their omnipotent being of choice's way, chemicals and the people who consume them
because they think they're cool or because they don't know how to have fun without, people
who don't understand the difference between your and you're - think back to grade 2, i know
you can do it, people who think that baby blue is the new "black", get a life, unless you're an
athlete running in a rally, you dont need to dress up in those tracksuits and act "gangster",
people who refuse to spell out simple words like 'you' or 'too' and use 'u' and '2' instead -
you only saved 3 keystrokes and you're now impossible to read, people who buy a honda
civic, put 20,000 dollars of work into it to make it cool, and forget that IT'S STILL JUST A
CIVIC...
oh, and to every dumb ass who thinks being a little gangster is cool, who does their
east/west side hand-signs, and holds up a few 20s to show how much cash they can rake in
while living the thug life, this is all I have to say in response: I have a real job and I
definitely have more than you. Have a nice day!
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2010
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Cassie Dekker Poem
I thought this love we shared with
each other was perpetual, but my heart
proved to me it was all prevarication.
You left me to rot in my depression,
abdicate and cold. My heart; perforated
and mourning for someone to apprehend my
fall through the abyss of darkness.
My knee's, they weaken at the thought
of those three words you spoke to me.
" I'm leaving you."
Susceptable and hurt, I try to impersonate
all the good things happy people do but I seem
to be know where parallel to them.
I finally learned to traverse everything
that had occured between the two of us.
Now, I'm trying harder then ever because
I know I deserved the love that you weren't
willing to give back and I know that I deserved
much better then you.
There's no more tears here. I have shead my last
drop.
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2008
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Cassie Dekker Poem
I, I made a big mistake of letting you go,
Yeah I know.
Your so much happier now.
When your laughing,
I am crying cause
I have to think of you
Kissing her and hugging her
And just being next to her,
Holding her.
I wish I was there
Holding you and kissing you.
But I guess I was so dumb I let you go,
I know,
That I broke you into a thousand pieces.
And I know I was dumb enough to let you go.
I through your stuff on the floor.
I remember the days so clearly,
And then I knew that I lost you,
Cause I had a ridiculous fit over something
so, so stupid.
I should've of known that you didn't cheat,
but I was too stupid.
I thought you did
I thought you were cheating when you weren't
when you weren't,
when you weren't.
I was dumb, I was stupid
I know
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2009
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Cassie Dekker Poem
I am not going to waste too much time talking about my grandfather because I don't really
care for him much. He is an alcoholic who is in denial by the way. I don't really spend that
much time with him because just being around him rather upsets my mom, so we don't go
there much...thank goodness. I know I am probably picking up on my mom's attitude about
it all, but at this point and time it doesn't matter all that much. According to the one uncle I
have that doesn't have any addictions, papa has been an alcoholic since before my mom
was even born. Grandma did an excellent job hiding it from the kids until they all got older,
then one by one they started to notice. My mom was the last one left at home and grandma
joined anything to get out of the house. Bingo on Monday and Thursday at Star of the Sea,
Tuesdays at St. Bernadette's, bowling on sundays and cards on Wednesdays, but that was at
home with mom and her friends. Papa would get to drinking like he did every night after
work, and once the alcohol took affect, he would bring out the musical intrusments and get
very loud and obnoxious. Many times mom would have to drag him to the couch and get him
functioning long enough to get on it. The day my mom met my dad and they decided to
move out, grandma said her job was done, the kids were grown and she was leaving. Papa
eventually remarried and he still drinks. The funny part is that he says he doesn't drink
anymore. He only has beer and wine, but that is not drinking according to him. What a joke,
huh?
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2010
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Cassie Dekker Poem
After having the need to purge my stomach, tear glands
and trying to feel clean by scrubbing like a lunatic...
I have to write some things I could barely think of mustering.
Very coward of me. I know. I have no excuses for
anything I've ever done to hurt you.
I don't like having such an impact in your life... sure the
plus side is great... but you don't deserve this...any of it.
You're better than that. I should encourage you to untie
your heart from this train-wreck...thing. I
can't even call it anything, cause nothing is solid,
concrete.
I sometimes think of how much better your life would
be right now if I didn't messege you back on Facebook
that day. You'd have more time, money, patience, better
work attitude, probably would've gotten a richer experience
becoming what you aspired to be... less stress, drama and
bullshit to deal with. I haven't done anything positive,
except making you smile a couple of times... and wheeze
like you were going to die. But is it worth it?
My answer through your mouth would be, no.
I feel like I've hit the lowest. Rock bottom would be a
pinnacle of achievment at this stage. I have nothing but excuses,
sorry's and sorrow left in my vocabulary.
I don't know what to do anymore... and I feel sick to my bones for
the things I've put you through. I almost wish you ignored me,
from now on, for your own good sake. I know I deserve that,
along with a slap in the face and a kick to the knees. Even then
I'd still feel horrible.
I don't want to say anything that will make you want anything
from me... know that it's there, but its pointing and asking you
to go your own way, make your own decisions. Selfishly.
I'm sorry.
Copyright © Cassie Dekker | Year Posted 2010
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