I'M Sorry

After having the need to purge my stomach, tear glands and trying to feel clean by scrubbing like a lunatic... I have to write some things I could barely think of mustering. Very coward of me. I know. I have no excuses for anything I've ever done to hurt you. I don't like having such an impact in your life... sure the plus side is great... but you don't deserve this...any of it. You're better than that. I should encourage you to untie your heart from this train-wreck...thing. I can't even call it anything, cause nothing is solid, concrete. I sometimes think of how much better your life would be right now if I didn't messege you back on Facebook that day. You'd have more time, money, patience, better work attitude, probably would've gotten a richer experience becoming what you aspired to be... less stress, drama and bullshit to deal with. I haven't done anything positive, except making you smile a couple of times... and wheeze like you were going to die. But is it worth it? My answer through your mouth would be, no. I feel like I've hit the lowest. Rock bottom would be a pinnacle of achievment at this stage. I have nothing but excuses, sorry's and sorrow left in my vocabulary. I don't know what to do anymore... and I feel sick to my bones for the things I've put you through. I almost wish you ignored me, from now on, for your own good sake. I know I deserve that, along with a slap in the face and a kick to the knees. Even then I'd still feel horrible. I don't want to say anything that will make you want anything from me... know that it's there, but its pointing and asking you to go your own way, make your own decisions. Selfishly. I'm sorry.