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Best Poems Written by William Borntrager

Below are the all-time best William Borntrager poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Unspoken Gratitude

Today I found out 
that some people still care 
and somehow I believe 
in the feelings they'd shared, 
even though I'd assumed
they'd rather look away, 
that they're shaking their heads, 
that they've nothing to say. 
Did they know I'd be sober?
Its two months today 
that I drank that last beer,
threw the emptys away. 
Then she tells me she's thinking
about me each day 
and my heart starts to break..
I don't know what to say. 
Then the next thing she says
lights my soul like a candle 
"God won't put on your shoulders 
what you can't handle." 
I know she's sincere..
I've taken her for granted. 
God help me to water 
the seed that she's planted. 
Someday I must thank her
for being sincere 
and for still having hope
where I only had fear. 
I will try to forget 
how I gave in again, 
even though I knew I
could not win in the end. 
And the years that I've wasted 
preserving my pride 
because I am so selfish selfish..
a master of lies. 
So tonight I'll lay here 
all alone in this bed 
but I won't take a drink..
I believe what she said

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Imagine Me Dead

Just a few hours ago I read your letter 
Explaining to me how you think you’d be better 
Off dead, that your life is no longer worth living 
You say you’ve done things that just aren’t worth forgiving 
The tears that you’ve cried, and the lies that you hide 
How they eat you inside with no one to confide in 
I want you to know that I’ve always been here 
Wanting only to guide you away from your fears 
If you’d only just let me I’d kiss all your tears 
away, you never gave me the chance to be near 
you. So please listen closely my words are sincere 
you would take part of me if you just disappeared 
a big piece of my heart that I could not replace 
along with memories that I could not erase 
like those moments when I brought a smile to your face 
you can NOT convince me that you’ve fallen from grace 
so before you give in take a look at yourself 
not the “you” who’s depended on somebody else 
to feel loved, to feel blessed, to feel beautiful inside 
take a look at the real “you” the one you’ve denied 
cause she’s screaming inside you “please open your eyes!” 
please look past this disguise you’ve created with lies 
there’s a beautiful soul within walls that you’ve built 
out of bricks of low self-esteem, anger, and guilt 
If you’d just let me in I could show you the real you 
with love, unconditional, love that could heal you 
before you listen to that voice in your head 
think of how you would feel if it was me instead 
could you live with yourself if you found me in bed 
with the sheets stained and soaked with the blood that I’ve bled? 
Please remember my face when you start to see red 
When you pick up that blade, just imagine me dead

Details | William Borntrager Poem

What I Didn'T Forget.

I thought about calling you last night again.
Then I thought about Ryan, and how long it's been.
Have you told him my name, Does he know I'm his father,
Do you even care, and should I even bother?
I've learned to accept that I'll never be with you.
I've buried the past, It's no longer an issue.
I cried when I thought it was unnecessary,
but not knowing my son isn't easy to bury.
I still remember how your face was so cold.
You put him in my arms, he was just three days old.
Then you said "here's the reason you need to quit drinking."
My heart broke to pieces, I remember thinking
that right at this moment a drink does not matter,
if I lose my son then my whole world will shatter.
And shatter it did when they put me in cuffs.
when the judge said "William haven't you had enough?"
And I tried not to break, but I did shed a tear.
I was sentenced to prison for 2-5 years.
My mom sent the picture with him in my arms 
and I sent you that letter, though not to cause harm.
When you didn't write back I kept hope every day
until I finally gave up, and you started to fade.

November the third of 2003, 
the wait was over, I was finally free.
I sat one last time on the bunk where I'd slept
for the last three years, I did not want to forget
how I lay there each night where no moonlight would shine,
through the darkest of times, with your face in my mind.
Where I'd wake up each morning to fight the same tears,
you were still in my dreams even after three years.

Nine years ago, you gave birth to our son.
His birthday just passed, and I hope he had fun.
I'll always look back at us without regret,
and remember what you probably thought I'd forget.

Ryan's birth date...4-5-1999

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Steering Blindly

Sometimes it's best to be left all alone. 
Sometimes I guess I just need to be shown 
how to look in the mirror and not have to see 
a reflection of self pity staring back at me. 

Sometimes I guess I don't know how to think 
let my thoughts take the wheel why I sit back and drink 
till I can't think no more, so my will must be weak. 
Sometimes I guess I need to learn how to speak. 

Getting back up off the ground isn't easy 
when family and loved ones were all there to see me 
fall flat on my face cause I just couldn't find 
what I did wrong this time without losing my mind. 

Sometimes I should probably learn to let go 
of my past, when it haunts me, to let someone know 
how I feel before turning to what's killing me. 
I guess I need to see vodka won't set me free. 

Sometimes I guess I need to be reminded 
I can't love myself when I'm constantly blinded 
by my own perceptions of what love should be. 
If I knew what love was, she'd still be here with me. 

Sometimes I guess I don't know why I'm here 
in the drivers seat, when I don't know how to steer 
without finding a ditch cause my vision's gone black 
so I crash with my loved ones sitting in the back. 

Sometimes I guess I need to learn how to listen 
to hear that one point that I'm constantly missing, 
those few simple words that should make it all clear. 
When they say "hey Bill, you can't even have one beer." 

Sometimes I think life is an ocean of lessons 
we're put here to learn, so I'll make this confession. 
I am the reason for my misery. 
I will never be free until I learn to fix me.

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Suicidal Poem

I was looking through a magazine when something caught my eye.
A picture of a girl, the words "attempted suicide."
The photograph was taken on the day she turned sixteen.
The story told of how the very next day she O.D'd.
Her face no longer innocent, determined to conceal
a pain so deep she made herself believe could not be healed.
She dressed in only black, and when her father asked her why
she said "I make myself ugly because that's how I feel inside.
Tangled in a web of sin, religion played its part
so she found her love in heroin and worshipping the dark.
The day she turned sixteen she sat up in her room alone
and vented all her anger through a suicidal poem.
The next night as she closed her eyes, the needle in her vein,
she closed the door behind her on a world of only pain.
Her mother in a storm of tears, her father broken down
when they find her in her bedroom, laying naked on the ground.
They blame themselves unbendingly, determined that they've failed.
The train they've tried so hard to steer has finally derailed.
They stand beside the bed as she's unconsciess in her sleep.
The doctor says she's fighting for a life she wants to keep.
Hope can be a crutch, but sometimes hopes not what it takes
when its not the leg that's broken, but inside when something breaks.

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Suicide Note

I'm sorry I haven't written in some time 
I've been lost in myself. I've been trying to find 
just one reason I shouldn't leave this life behind 
close the door on the past, which still torments my mind 
sure, I know all these years you've been trying to prod 
me along the right path saying “let go, let God” 
but to let go of guilt is what seemed to evade me 
for some reason not even God could persuade me 
There's so many times that I've wanted to die 
that I've wanted to call you and just say goodbye 
but I'd suddenly see the tears fall from your eyes 
so I'd drink myself numb and continue the lie 
I've been living and still live to this very day 
I just want it to end, I cannot live this way 
anymore, please just know I'm not putting the blame 
on you. You're not the reason I'm living in shame 
If I told you I loved you I probably meant it 
but words weren't enough, so you'll probably resent it 
There's so many things I've been needing to say 
I've kept locked up inside, my fear stood in the way 
and I've lost all these years to my selfish desires 
I've laughed as your dreams for us slowly expired 
If there was just one thing left for me to do 
I would go back in time to the day I met you 
and forget all those things that you wanted to show me 
I'd just walk away so you would never know me 
Forgive me for every word that I'm saying 
I know with each word that I'm surely betraying 
the hopes and the dreams through the years we have built 
but your innocence just cannot outweigh my guilt 
so good bye and I'm sorry. I'll always regret 
how I came to be someone you'll never forget.

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Banging My Head

How many times 
will I try to remember 
something to cling to 
to keep me together. 
How many times 
will I hold on to nothing 
waiting for something 
to fall into my hands. 
How many times 
am I banging my head 
hanging on by a thread 
till I wished I was dead. 
How many times 
will I stare at this paper 
searching for words 
to create an escape. 
How many times 
will I try to erase 
all my fears with the drink 
that I cant stand the taste of. 
And how many times 
will I whisper your name 
to remember the pain 
and the tears that stained 
your face.

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Through Sober Eyes

She stares at me with empty eyes, 
tilts the bottle back, 
and swallows her pride. 
She forces a smile. 
She's so good at telling lies, 
one after another, 
building a wall. 
She needs something to hide behind. 

One more day just passes by. 
One more reason to deny. 
One more chance to face 
the demons she's been running from. 
One more promise that she'll make. 
One more promise that she'll break. 
One more lie she'll tell 
to make up for what she'll never be. 

She can't remember yesterday, 
tilts the bottle back 
as soon as she wakes, 
something to stop the shakes. 
Wish there was something i could say, 
but she learned it all 
from my own mistakes, 
because I did the same thing every day. 

She says she dont know how to change. 
And then I'm filled with so much shame 
when she reminds me 
everyday that I'm the one to blame. 
So I watch her as she drinks, 
and I dont know what to think, 
because I see myself 
with every goddamned drink that she takes. 

She's not trying to recover. 
What's the point in facing the pain 
when its easier running away. 
She dont need another lover. 
Alcohol gives her everything 
till theres nothing left for me to offer. 

She's not trying to recover. 
What's the point in loving herself 
when she's somebody else 
every day 
Maybe someday she'll discover 
how everything is perfect and new 
when she finally see's through 
sober eyes.

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Gothic Smile

I saw you in a dream, 
laying on a beach. 
From the corner of my eye 
I caught the color of your smile. 
With eyes that captivate, 
I'd get lost in them for days. 
and I'd give anything 
for just a taste of you. 

Im wanting you to know 
the feelings I couldnt show, 
the words I never said 
in conversations on your bed. 
The aroma of your incense, 
your lips of crimson red. 
I wanted so much to taste, 
you have such a pretty face. 

Its so hard to be your friend 
and it's hard to keep pretending 
that i'm not in love with you. 
And i'm wanting you again, 
but you say were only friends. 
Remind me if I forget. 

Sleep all day and up all night. 
Seeing your face through candle light. 
The hours spent up in your room, 
the lingering scent of your perfume. 
Watching you get dressed in black 
still sends shivers down my back. 
seeing you naked kept me in a trance, 
I only wanted.. to touch you 
to hold you.. to taste your skin. 

You're so pretty smiling at me.

Details | William Borntrager Poem

Shades of Gray

You say you want to die. 
You say you just don't care. 
You say nobody loves you 
and you've nothing more to share. 
You say your life's too difficult, 
you're so full of despair. 
You say the weight you're carrying 
is just too much to bear. 
You say that you are sorry 
and that none of us should weep. 
You make death sound so beautiful, 
this grand eternal sleep. 
The razor is your truest friend, 
it gives you what you need. 
You glorify the pain it brings 
each time it makes you bleed. 
You try to paint this pretty picture 
using shades of gray. 
You hold our hearts within your hands 
with every word you say. 
You lead us through your darkened halls 
of anger, fear, and shame. 
The question still remains unanswered. 
Tell me...who's to blame? 
A lover from your past who left 
with broken promises? 
A God you gave your heart to 
just to find does not exist? 
The parents who have let you down 
through neglect or abuse? 
Your peers, whos unforgiving words 
have made you feel obtuse? 
Your poetry's an anecdote 
of what you feel inside. 
Your words scream for attention 
while you try to keep your pride. 
You say you want to die, 
but deep inside, I know you're scared. 
You say nobody loves you, 
so you want someone to care. 
The question you must answer first 
is..do you love yourself? 
You'll never know true love 
if you rely on someone else. 
Even if my words to you 
are too far out of reach, 
for you to keep on writing 
is the one thing I beseech. 
So, say you just dont give a damn. 
So, say you want to die. 
As long as you keep saying it, 
I know you're still alive.