Long poem by
Teppo Gren | Details |
July 1975, Mount Druitt, Sydney, Australia
Everything in my life seemed to be in place now and going beautifully. The most important part which had been missing in my life, love, had now been fulfilled. It seemed incredible that only three weeks had passed since I had met Johanna. Those three weeks had been the most wonderful time of my life. And what was even better, was that even more wonderful togetherness was still to come. I was feeling excit-ed and ecstatic. We were still in the beginning stages of our relationship and I could hardly wait how our love would grow into a deeper, more meaningful and intimate togetherness.
But after three weeks of dating Johanna something seemed to go wrong at a time when she had just moved into her own rental apartment in Burwood. I always took her home after folk dancing practice on Wednesdays, but this time she said that she didn’t need a lift. I was surprised and even more so I was disappointed. After we finished practice there was a white Holden station wagon with black curtains covering the side windows waiting for her. She got in the car and the car took off. I did not see who was driving it.
It was a clear message, but I didn’t realize it fully until the next day. I felt uneasy throughout the night, and the same uneasiness continued and increased during the day at work. At lunchtime I left the build-ing site at Parramatta and drove to Burwood to see Johanna to confront her as to what was going on and why I felt so ill at ease. I went to the door of Johanna’s apartment and knocked on the door but there was no reply. I knew that Johanna didn’t have a job, so I thought she must just be out somewhere. I thought I would wait around near Burwood and come back to try again in a little while. I went to a café for a drink. It was my lunchtime but I didn’t order anything to eat as the uneasy feeling I had was get-ting worse and took away my appetite. After a while I wondered back to Johanna’s apartment building outside of which I parked my car again. That’s when I saw the white Holden station wagon with the black curtains covering the side windows. Now I got really worried. I went up to Johanna’s apartment and knocked on the door. Again there was no reply, but I thought I heard a noise from inside indicating that she was there. I kept on knocking and finally Johanna came to open the door. She was wearing a robe although it was already past midday.
I told Johanna the reason I had come to see her. That I was feeling uneasy about her leaving like that the previous evening and that I needed to understand what was going on. Johanna said that I came at a bad time. At the same time I heard a sound of movement in the bedroom and it all became clear to me. I had caught Johanna at a bad time because she was having sex with another guy. I was devastated. She ex-plained that the previous night had been a direct message from her to indicate what was happening. We didn’t continue the discussion any further and she said it would be best for me to leave. I was happy to do so. I had to get out of there. I had made a fool of myself. I felt so stupid. I was being courteous with her not making sexual advances. Now I realized how stupid I was. That’s what she had wanted and ex-pected.
Many different feelings were going through my head as I got back to work. I was disappointed. I felt stupid. I felt betrayed. I felt anger. I felt anger towards Johanna for doing this to me, for not saying what she wanted from me. I felt anger at myself for being so stupid, naïve and inexperienced. I felt dis-traught for losing the feeling of love which I had for so long sought. I felt pain for having my dreams shattered.
Back at the building site I was stripping the formwork from a meter high concrete wall. The vertical tim-ber supports were slightly longer than a meter and went over the formwork plywood. Instead of using the crowbar as it was supposed to be used, I used it like a baseball bat with all my force to bang the sup-port timbers with the end of the crowbar to send them flying. I was angry. I was in pain. Letting out steam physically gave only slight relief. I felt the pain of love: I was burnt and hurt. I had started to learn about love from Johanna but being the fool I was, I was expecting happiness ever after between us: blissfulness and togetherness. But it was all a lie. My heart was not strong enough to take a lot of pain and thus it was left wounded and scarred. Fittingly, in 1975 the Nazareth hit “Love hurts” was released and played on the radio expressing the emotions I felt on this July day.
"love hurts, love scars,
love wounds, and mars,
any heart, not tough,
or strong, enough
to take a lot of pain,
take a lot of pain
love is like a cloud
Holds a lot of rain
love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
I'm young, I know,
but even so
I know a thing, or two
I learned, from you
I really learned a lot,
really learned a lot
love is like a flame
it burns you when it's hot
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
some fools think of happiness
some fools fool themselves I guess
they're not foolin' me
I know it isn't true,
I know it isn't true
love is just a lie,
made to make you blue
love hurts, ooh,ooh love hurts
ooh,ooh love hurts
I know it isn't true,
I know it isn't true
love is just a lie,
made to make you blue
love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts
ooh ooh love hurts
That wonderful feeling of falling in love had now been shattered and turned into shear misery. Same as two years ago when Kimberley had rejected with her lovely letter, I did not want my mother, or anyone else for that matter, to see the pain was I was feeling. I kept the pain within me and I didn’t want any-one to know: I did not cry. But deep within me I was screaming from pain. My heart was crying: it was crying profusely. For three weeks I had been happy. Now all I had left was the heartache and pain.
Copyright © Teppo Gren | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
Mary Oliver Rotman | Details |
Randomling 1: Matthew Macfadyen
I believe I'm in love with Matthew Macfadyen
He inspires in me a terribly bad yen
But as poetry goes
His name 'spires woes
Cause nothing rhymes with "Macfadyen”.
Randomling 2: Birthday Wishes
For my birthday, I would like a man.
I wonder---can you get one from a can?
Or maybe from a catalog?
Maybe I'll just get a dog.
Randomling 3: Yet Another Cat Poem
toddlers in fur
senior citizens with retractable claws
lions in their own minds
lunch in the minds of dogs.
Randomling 4: Desert Woes
A sage river in a field of sand:
so flows hope in a barren land;
the crippled heart in prosthetic steel,
hacked and scarred, a vulture’s meal.
Randomling 5: Dark Poetry
Follow poetry to its source;
There find heartbreak and remorse.
Follow poetry to the bitter end,
And there find death, its bosom friend.
Randomling 6: Ode to Bananas
an underappreciated fruit
sentenced to banananality
because yellow is their long suit.
Randomling 7: Untitled
this heart is closed to deposits.
There's no more room for pain.
Randomling 8: Untitled
My heart is sealed in a cold steel vault,
and I’ve lost the combination.
Randomling 9: Joyce Kilmer 2015
I think that I shall never see
A man as useful as a tree.
One has uses by the score;
The other one is apt to snore.
Randomling 10: Bedtime Prayers
Now I lay me down to sleep,
A leaden heart is mine to keep.
If I should die before I wake--
Now there’s an offer I’d gladly take.
Randomling 11: The Devil Wind
Fury with a smoky tail
Eddies of destruction
Deceitful beauty, enchanting danger
Death sporting a makeover
DON'T READ #12 IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR ME TALK TO MY SON ABOUT CERTAIN ASPECTS OF THE BIRDS AND BEES_________________________
Randomling 12: A Boy's Best Friend
Your penis—it is not a toy
I told my little son.
O yes it is, he parried me
It's quite my favorite one.
Randomling 13: Fault Lines
I have a bathroom mirror
that's grown faulty over time.
My reflection is no longer true;
it's developed little lines!
Randomling 14: Shakespeare 101
“To be or not to be. That is the question.”
--Whaddya mean, THE question?
Randomling 15: Christmas?
Peace on earth to men of good credit
Who give the gift of corporate profit
in the holy name of commercialism.
Randomling 16: Musical Believer
Though my conscience sleeps,
wrapped in the Valium of
agnosticism, it awakens to
the music of Mozart--
once more knowing God
by the sound of His voice.
Randomling 17: Vacuum
I didn't write a poem when you died.
The words would not come.
Perhaps I felt too deeply,
perhaps not enough;
maybe I died too. 10/06/01
Randomling 18: Insanity
Insanity is underrated
Its drawbacks,much overstated.
How else to do what you darn well please
And accomplish it with so much ease?
Randomling 19: Dog Day Afternoon
WATER! BALL! CHASE!
salt, waves, undertow
I don't know what's going
on here, but I'm HAPPY!
Randomling 20: Opposites Attract
i am matter---love, antimatter
never to meet save to explode
i am space, love is time
parallel dimensions never to meet
Randomling 21: Puppy Love
I ride a leaky newspaper raft
Adrift on the linoleum
Anxiously awaiting an
An attack of smelly
covered in fuzz:
Randomling 22: Newton's Poultice
Apple falls from tree
Newton (ouch!) takes notice
Comes up with law of gravity
while wearing a poultice
on the solstice
Randomling 23: Ticking
And the clock on the wall kept on ticking
while my life fell apart all around me.
Sweet memories faded to shadow
as my heart fell to pieces inside me.
And the clock on the wall kept on ticking
Relentlessly ticking, ticking
While my life fell apart all around me.
Randomling 24: Untitled
a mosaic assembled from
tiles of delight and
black-glazed stones of despair
in seamless beauty
Randomling 25: Seasonal Lament
end at both end
as summer falls into the
arm of winter. arm
Randomling 26: Untitled
I didn't want
to love you.
Randomling 27: Pills
Depression is days and nights curled fetal-like
in a dark room, no interest in the world outside,
idly wondering if there are enough
pills in the bottle to kill you,
then thinking it's not worth the effort
to find out because you're dead inside already.
Randomling 28: Guilt By Association
Fresh morning light frames
the cat, surrounded by piles of
dirt and deceased plants,
Randomling 29: Bell the Cat
How do you give a cat a bath?
Maybe you can do the math.
All I know is she stinks to high heaven.
And of us there are only seven.
How many humans to bathe a cat?
Definitely more than where we're at!
Randomling 30: Muse
I want to write a poem
using the word gossamer.
Randomling 31: Ripples
Canoes rock gently
under the waxing moon.
Black water ripples,
painting a beautiful scene
under the scented pines.
Randomling 32: Sunshine Waterfall
I cleanse my face in a sunshine waterfall,
luxuriate in a sunshine shower.
Waterfall flow and warm me;
sprinkle lemon drops through my hair.
Randomling 33: Salon Treatment
Hurricanes scour everything
they touch, then rinse and blow
Randomling 34: My Window
Blue sky pokes its face
through the canopy of trees.
Heat wave is over!
Copyright © Mary Oliver Rotman | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
cassie hellberg | Details |
sometimes i talk to myself,
my mind is racing,
i dont know what to do...
so hard to explain.
depression isn't a stage
or a faze some kids go through
it shatters you...
i saw it all.
she cried silent in her bed,
blood stains covered her favorite jeans,
her every shirt,
long sleeve ofcourse...
she suffered through it all with few people to call friend
and more to call enemy
even more to say where quite dissappointed....
her first name in school,
not started by a bully
or a mean rival,
but by her sister,
and it echoed through her soul,
repeating in her mind... over and over again,
like the ripples of still water
when a pebble is dropped
flash frozen in time
over and over again...
It was the first name they gave her,
millions where created over the years,
some repeating again, just as the first had..
gothic they called her,
emo, fat, ugly....worse things.
but in her mind, things where worse.
everything was repeating,
over and over again,
finally she believed it.
she asked for help, from everyone
tried to explain to parents she wasnt well,
got called a psycho for asking to see a theripist,
not from a teacher,
not from a class mate,
but from her own father, who wouldn't, couldn't,
believe there could possibly be a thing wrong....
finally, crying, she confessed her bloody secret to a teacher.
rather then giving her time,
she is sent back to class crying her eyes out, as if she wherent going through enough...
she is sent to the principals office a few minutes later, after breaking down in class...
the princlipal says she needs help,
sends her and her dad for a risk evaluation,
her dads crying as she shows him her cuts...
they walk into a hospital room,
it smells of chemicals and hand sanitizer,
the lady at the desk gives her a smile.
then she goes into a room with a lady,
her cheeks are sunken in and shes wearing way too much makeup,
the girl is gaging on her perfume,
and she looks really intimidating....
her dark brown hair looks dead and flat
even though its a bit wavy,
and she wears somewhat of a mocking frown.
asks her all these questions,
is mommy beating her?
is daddy raping her?
is she doing drugs?
is anyone beating her?
did anyone molest her?
oxcarbezapine, trazadone, citalipran, clinazapam, colonipan,
valium, lithium, more.......
and thats what they gave her,
some numbed the pain
some brought it out
tearing through her organs,
she became an addict by the time she was fourteen....
over dose after over dose
some for pleasure
some for pain,
gashes on her legs getting deeper,
this time she didnt tell a soul,
not even those she had come to call friends....
wakeup she screamed in her head over and over again
as she dropped weight like it was nothing....
you cant controll it she argued as things became worse.
at age fourteen she attempted suicide,
she didnt quite succeed.
the medication took away her aappitite....
she liked it
she hated her body
felt out of controll
found a new way to cope
as she shoved tooth brush after toothbrush down her throat
to keep her body from nuitrients...
as she whent weeks and weeks spitting food into napkins and making excuses
I ate at my friends house....
spoken as a whisper
heard like a sentance
echoing in her mind over and over again,
along with that word, all the words,
ugy, anoying, stupid, fake, worthless, nothing...
one bite she would say
rocking back and forth
craving nothing but food
her body racked with hunger pain
one bite and there she was again
over and over and over again
back to a toothbrush
this time she sees blood
she saw her ribs
she saw her bones,
it wasnt good enough,
she almost died, again....
choking on this deep dissappointment in herself,
gaging on everything they where pushing down her throat,
their words, and their insults, their criticism.... their drugs
all shoved down her throat like candy
and just as she was was trained to do she swallowed despite the bad taste
or the hurt
or the fact that at the rate she was going she would be dead soon...
and you know why?
because daddy yelled
and couldnt accept what was happening
not because he wanted to hurt her
but because it hurt him,
and she let him believe,
because she could take the hurt if it meant he didnt have too.
because mommy didnt want to sit in her room all day
practically having us raise ourselves,
she didnt mean to take anger, or frustration or hurt out on her daughter
she suffered everyday in her solitary confinement,
and from a young age she accepted her bedroom was the cage
her mother had created for herself.
because sister didnt want to effect her the way she did
she was just frustrated
fed up with the way things where
scared, she needed someone to take her cruelty
and to help heal her pain...
because people in school
who where so cruel
had to have learned from somewhere
and she wasnt going to play into their games,
and they knew she was an easy target
because she would never attack someone so weak
and she accepted her suffering was a sacrafice
to help all these people....
to help her dad,
every person who was beaten abused or hurt
and felt so weak at home they wanted to feel strong in the one safe place they had.
because depite the fact she had died inside,
and almost passed away on the out,
it was a saccrafice she was willing to make
so that no one else would have to feel that kind of pain,
and they all inflicted it and broke her down'untill there was nothing left but a shell
of somthing that could have been
and never had the chance
because she would take it and wouldnt strike back,
because sometimes "just taking it"
isnt so much about the weakness not to do anything
but about the strangth not to hurt others the way they hurt you...
Copyright © cassie hellberg | Year Posted 2013
Long poem by
James Inman | Details |
We sat at the end of the bar in a seedy place on Seventh street.
Nursing our drinks, we both had a bit too much that night.
My Whiskey Sour, you could tell everything about me by my drink,
always a Whiskey Sour, no mystery here, was still about half full.
Her's, this time a Strawberry Daiquiri, she drained with ease.
"Set her up another Bar Keep," I sad to the burly tattooed man behind the counter.
She quickly responded with slightly slurred speech, "No, make it a Frozen Margarita!"
She had been mixing her drinks all night. The bar man grabbed her glass and placed
it in a small sink full of sudsy water. "I told you, two drinks ago, last call, now dude drink up
so I can get out of here. For Christ sake its 2:38, I should have left 30 minutes ago."
The bar's last patrons had indeed left much earlier leaving only the two of us.
I touched Sarah's, or was it Sandy's, hand. What difference does it make?
She looked at me trying to focus her eyes, her expression bland. Eyes roaming
unabashedly from face to groan and back again. She sighed heavily and turned
back to the bar tender and pleaded for one more drink. "Anything she said,"
trying to steel herself for the inevitable culmination of our evening,
as if one more drink would make a difference. The only response she got was
a short firm, "No!" Grinding my teeth, I threw two twenties on the bar and grabbed her, not so gently, by the arm. She half slid, half fell off of the bar stool she was sitting on. "Lets go I said," leaving my half empty glass on the bar. She stumbled across the floor towards the door leaning heavily against me. She was tall and beautiful in a slightly used sort of way. Not young but not old enough for wrinkles, just a few laugh lines around her eyes and forehead. As we reached the door I thought I heard her mumble something about getting this over. I didn't care. I knew she should have been going home with someone a lot better then me.
As we stepped into the damp, cool morning breeze, head free of the stagnate dead air of the bar, my senses cleared slightly. Still, when I heard the sound of the vibration in my pocket it took a moment to register what was happening. Stephanie(?), giggling beside me pressed herself against my pocket letting out a low, playful, "MMmmmm," making it impossible for me to get to my phone. I pushed her away and she giggled some more as I fumbled for it. Pressing the button on the screen my ex-girlfriends disheveled face appeared. She had been texting me all evening, most of which I ignored. Why I answered her call this time I don't know. Deep purple and black bruises ran the length of the right side of her face and she seemed to have a chunk of hair missing from a red spot on her temple. She halfheartedly tried to cover it with a wispy lock she pulled down over it. "What?" I said gruffly. The phone was set to speaker. Tears running down her face, she said, "I love you." My response was quick and indifferent, "Yeah, tell it to someone who cares. Like maybe your new boyfriend."
She dumped me for a new guy weeks before but kept calling me and telling me how much she still loved me. She said she wouldn't have thrown me out if I had shown some feelings toward her. She said he was sensitive and emotional and cried in her arms. Yeah, he cried all right just before he beat the hell out of her. I should have known when she started coming home with the bruises on her body. He was careful at first not to hit her in the face. I looked up and reflectively glanced down the street. You couldn't see her apartment from where I stood but it was just a block down the road off Seventh on Stanton Ave. I came home early one afternoon and found them there. She was lying on the floor with blood trickling from her lip. He was standing naked over her, hands curled in fists.
I lost it. I beat him until you couldn't recognize his pretty little face, all the time hearing her screaming stop and trying to push me away. When I finally stopped he was lying motionless on the floor and she was hitting me on my arm yelling foul expletives at me. I looked into her eyes and realized I felt nothing for her at that moment. I remember saying just before I left, "Baby, you've just missed your last call to wake up." I never went back. I understand he spent several days in the hospital.
Looking at her on that small screen with tears in her eyes and scared, sad look on her face I wanted to feel something for her. I didn't. We had a good thing and she threw it away for some psycho. Now she'll just have to live with her decision. As I looked at her pleading face I heard a angry voice in the back ground, "Who are you talking to!" She glanced in the direction of the voice and turned back to me. I watched as her helpless look became determined and she leaned over and picked up something from the table beside her bed. Her sweet, tear filled blue eyes looked directly at me as she raised her hand. "I love you," she said. In an instant, before my inebriated mind could fathom what happened, I heard a loud bang reverberate down the street from the direction of her apartment and there before my eyes I saw her head explode like the pumpkins we used to throw from the roof tops after Halloween. Beside me, Sherry (shit, it started with an S), who ever, let out a gasp. A moment passed and I grabbed her by the hand. We started off in the direction of my dumpy apartment. I couldn't help but to think at that moment, that's the last call she'll ever make.
Triple Prompt- Hear the Calling: 3rd Place
Copyright © James Inman | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Kim van Breda | Details |
OUR BABY GIRL TURNS 21
ON 1ST JULY 1990~ THE ANGELS DID SOMETHING ALMIGHTY
FROM HEAVEN THEY SENT US OUR LIFE-LONG DESIRE-A PRECIOUS DAUGHTER TO LOVE AND ADMIRE.
TRUE TO YOUR NATURE YOU ARRIVED WITHOUT FUSS OR PAIN--THE FIRST TIME OUR EYES MET WE KNEW OUR LIVES WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME
AS A BABY AND TODDLER YOU MADE US SO PROUD
YOUR VERY LONG HAIR, GREEN EYES AND SMILE-
ALL THOSE GOOD LOOKS MADE YOU STAND OUT IN A CROWD
YOU STARTED TALKING EARLY WITH MANY VOICEPRINTS
YOUR CHARM AND GOOD LOOKS HAVE NOT STOPPED SINCE
YOU LOVED YOUR DOLLS AND PRAMS-- DREAMT OF BEING A “SINGER”
AND VERY QUICKLY LEARNED HOW TO WRAP YOUR DAD AROUND YOUR LITTLE FINGER
YOUR BIG BROTHER DEVON--BEST FRIEND AND PROTECTER
MOST OF THE TIME YOU GOT ON PERFECTLY TOGETHER
FROM AN EARLY AGE YOU SHOWED YOUR LOVE OF SWIMMING
AGE TWO AND A HALF YOU WERE ABLE AND WILLING
TO SWIM UNDER WATER AND DO MANY LENGTHS
THIS WAS CLEARLY ONE OF YOUR SPORTING STRENGTHS
AT AGE THREE YOU COULD BARELY WAIT TO START PLAYSCHOOL
“MISS INDEPENDENCE”, WAS YOUR GENERAL RULE
THE SLIDE AND JUNGLE GYM WERE YOUR FAVOURITE SPOTS
AND TO OUR HORROR YOU WOULD CLIMB RIGHT TO THE TOP!
AT AROUND THIS TIME, YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND YOU MET-
HE LIVED NEXT DOOR, AND HIS NAME WAS BRETT
SOON IT WAS TIME FOR PRE-SCHOOL
YOU LOVED YOUR TEACHER--YOUR NEW FRIENDS WERE COOL
‘SPRING BONNETS’ AND THE END OF YEAR SCHOOL PLAYS
THE TEDDY BEAR CLASS GAVE YOU SOME REAL SPECIAL DAYS
NEXT WAS ‘BIG SCHOOL’ AND YOUR FIRST CLASS
WE WERE SERIOUSLY ANXIOUS BUT FOR YOU JUST ANOTHER ‘MISS INDEPENDENCE’ TASK
LETTERLAND, MATHS AND LEARNING TO READ
YOU EXCELLED AT ALL THAT WITH INCREDIBLE SPEED
YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS CONTINUED THROUGH GRADES 2, 3 AND FOUR
YOUR PLACE IN THE SWIMMING TEAM HELPED YOUR SCHOOL WIN MORE
OUR MOVE TO AUSTRALIA… SAD FAREWELLS TO YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR PETS
BUT, GREAT EXCITEMENT YOU FELT AT ADVENTURES TO BE MET
A NEW SCHOOL--“METHODIST LADIES COLLEGE”
NEW FRIENDS--JUMPING A GRADE-- MET WITH SUCH POSITIVE COURAGE
YOU MADE US SO PROUD IN THE WAY YOU ADAPTED
MRS. WILLIAMSON SAID YOU WERE THEIR NEW CLASS ‘ASSETT’
THE ‘MR BEE’ SPELLING AWARD AND MANY MERITS LATER
WE ALL GOT HOMESICK-- BUT YOUR POSITIVE NATURE DID NOT WAVER
THE DECISION WE MADE TO RETURN TO CAPE TOWN
CAUSED YOU HEARTBROCKEN TEARS AND A PERMANENT FROWN
ONCE AGAIN A SAD FAREWELL TO YOUR NEW FOUND FRIENDS
RETURNING TO S.A. FOR OLD ONES TO MAKE AMMENDS
IT WASN’T VERY LONG THAT YOU PICKED UP WHERE YOU LEFT OFF AT ALL
ADDED TO YOUR TALENTS WERE NOW TEAM HOCKEY AND NETBALL
AS YOU APPROACHED THE FIRST OF YOUR TEEN YEARS
WITH YOUR LOOKS AND CHARM, INEVITABLY THE BOYFRIENDS WOULD APPEAR
SHOPPING, MOVIES AND MANY PARTY SLEEP-OVERS
CHOOSING TRUE FRIENDS AND DUMPING THE LOSERS
DANCE SHOWS AND DANCING EXAMS… YOU EXCELLED AT HIP- HOP
FUN AND OF COURSE THE DESIRE TO SHOP
THE END OF JUNIOR SCHOOL-- THE FINAL ASSEMBLY—AWARDS
TROPHIES FOR SPORTSMANSHIP AND YOUR S.R.C. PRIZE GOT MANY APPLAUDS
SAD FEELINGS AT LEAVING YOUR OLD SCHOOL BEHIND
EXCITEMENT AT STARTING HIGH SCHOOL WOULD SOON COME TO MIND
NO PROBLEM TO YOU, IT WAS ALL JUST A BREEZE
AS YEAR BY YEAR YOU CONTINUED TO ACHIEVE
SWIMMING AND ‘A’ TEAM HOCKY MATCHES ON THE ASTRO TURF
YOU EVEN STARTED TO LEARN HOW TO SURF
FRIDAY AFTERNOON CHRISTIAN MEETINGS AND EVENING CHURCH YOUTH
WE WERE SO HAPPY YOU FOUND GOD AND HIS TRUTH
THE REST OF HIGH SCHOOL PASSED IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE WHILE
YOUR LIST OF ACHIEVEMENTS REMAINED EXCEPTIONALLY HIGH
YOUR ORGANISATIONAL SKILLS WERE ASTOUNDING
COPING WITH TOUGH SUBJECTS LIKE MATHS, SCIENCE AND ACCOUNTING
IN HOCKEY AND SWIMMING YOU MADE THE TOP TEAMS
NO SURPRISE AT ALL THAT SWIMMING COACHES MOVED IN ON THE SCENE.
THEY CULTIVATED YOUR TALENTS FROM STRENGTH TO STRENGTH
EVERY YOUR NIGHT YOUR PASSION SAW YOU DOING MANY LENGTHS
WEEKENDS OF GALA’S AND NATIONAL SWIMMING
S.A.SHORT COURSE, YOUR P.B’S, AND FAIR SHARE OF WINNING
TOGETHER WE CELEBRATED YOUR PLACE IN W.P. SCHOOL CHAMPS THAT YEAR
SO PROUD OF OUR BEAUTIFUL SWIMMER ALWAYS AHEAD OF HER PEERS
FIRST YEAR AT UNIVERSITY YOU BECAME SO INDEPENDENT
STARTING YOUR STUDIES AS A B.Sc. STUDENT
IT WAS ALSO THE YEAR YOU LEARNED TO DRIVE
GOT YOUR LICENSE—DAD SPOILT YOU—NEW CAR—RESPLENDENT
YOUR FAITH AND TRUST IN THE LORD STILL REMAINS FIRM
AS YOU WALK AND GROW SPIRITUALLY DAILY WITH HIM
SO MUCH HAS CHANGED, AND YET SOME THINGS REMAIN
YOU BEAUTY AND TALENTS SO EASILY MAINTAINED
YOUR LOVE OF SWIMMING AND OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENTS IN WATER
YOU KNOW WE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR NO. 1 SUPPORTERS
AND NOW YOU ARE 21, SWEETHEART
YOUR WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU-- TODAY IS JUST THE START
IT SEEMS LIKE JUST YESTERDAY THAT YOU WERE BORN—
OUR DAUGHTER~LOVES BRIGHT SHINING LIGHT~ WE ADORE
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED IN EVERY WAY
WISHING YOU GOD’S RICHEST BLESSINGS ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY
HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO OUR BABY GIRL
TO HAVE YOU AS A DAUGHTER HAS BEEN A REAL PLEASURE
-YOU HAVE AND ALWAYS WILL BE OUR MOST BEAUTIFUL TREASURE-
(FOOTNOTE: OUR DAUGHTER WILL BE 23 THIS YEAR, HAS COMPLETED HER BSc. AND HONOURS DEGREE’S IN PHYSIOLOGY AND GENETICS AND NOW DOING HER MASTERS DEGREE IN EXERCISE SCIENCE. SHE IS ALSO A PROFESSIONAL TRIATHLETE—DOING SWIMMING, CYCLING AND RUNNING AS ONE DISCLIPLINE)
Copyright © Kim van Breda | Year Posted 2013
Long poem by
The Seeker | Details |
The day finally arrived, the day all new parents eagerly anticipate! The contractions were ten minutes apart. We climbed into our 1999 Subaru and headed for the hospital, her belly sticking out a mile, the look on her face a mixture of pain and excitement. Last month we celebrated our tenth anniversary. It seemed as though she would never conceive, we'd almost given up. I'll never forget the day she told me. I'd had an especially trying day at work and came home tired and grumpy. I spoke harshly to her about something, I don't even remember what it was about now. Something trivial. She took my hand and led me into the bedroom and placed my hand on her stomach. It took me a moment, but I finally got it. She was pregnant! Our new lives were to begin on that day.
Almost there, just a half mile more. Her pangs had increased in severity and I was afraid she was gonna have that baby before we got there. As we approached the intersection at Main and 3rd, the light turned green. What happened next is still a blur, but I remember an impact and a loud crunching noise. The next think I knew I was lying in a hospital bed.
"Mr. Johnson, Mr. Johnson?" someone called.
I woke up to see a tall, imposing figure standing over me. He introduced himself as Dr. Kevin Green.
"Wha, what happened? Where am I?" I asked.
"Mr. Johnson, you were in an accident, but you are going to be fine," said the doctor.
"My wife, the baby, where are they?" I begged, my voice just above a whisper.
What the doctor said next I didn't fully comprehend. I watched his lips move and could hear the sound of his voice, but the words seemed mumbled and weren't registering in my brain. I don't know if the concussion I had suffered was the cause or if my mind was deliberately protecting me from the full impact, but I passed out before he could finish speaking to me.
When I awoke that evening, the words of the doctor began to coalesce, and I realized at that moment that my precious Amy was gone. How was this possible? We were on our way to welcome a new life into the world and now I have to say goodbye? Surely it was all a bad dream. I could hear two of the nurses talking outside my room. I was certain that they were unaware that I could hear them. The one was shaking her head as the other said something about a drunk driver, and how he had walked away from the crash without so much as a scratch! I yelled out at the top of my lungs:
The nurse rushed to my side, but I passed out once again. I would not awaken until morning.
"The baby, what about our baby?" I asked Dr. Green as he made his morning rounds. His voice was soft and kind. This time I understood every word. The infant had been successfully delivered, but was in critical condition. I asked the doctor if I could see the baby. He reluctantly assented.
I remember when my sister had her baby, walking into the pediatric unit was quite an experience. Little wiggling babies crying for their mommies. But as I entered this special unit for struggling infants two things struck me: There was no sound except the sound of medical equipment and the unit had a strange sweet smell to it. I didn't know what to compare it to - citrus? It reminded me a bit of tangerines. I walked over to where the child lay. A little girl. How I hated to see her with tubes attached and monitors everywhere. A tear formed in my eye as I contemplated how and when I would tell this precious little girl that her mommy had died. And then it hit me like a ton of bricks! What if she doesn't make it? I would be alone in the world. Just as I was contemplating these things one of the monitors she was hooked up to began making an awful noise. I was rushed out of the room as a team of nurses and doctors hovered over her.
Six in the morning. I couldn't sleep all night. No one would tell me anything. I wished I was dead. Why couldn't I be the one? Everyone knows that children need their mothers, for crying out loud!
"Mr. Johnson?" the doctor called. "I'm Dr. Kim. I want you to know that your baby girl is going to be okay. It will be a long recovery and it won't be easy, but she's going to make it. I'm so sorry about your wife."
My whole being was flooded with a mixture of emotions - grief, joy, anger, frustration, guilt. I immediately prayed like I had never prayed before in my life, asking God to help me raise this little girl, a little girl who would never get to be held by her mommy. I prayed for wisdom and courage and the strength that would be needed to face what lay ahead.
As I entered the unit where my child was, I smelled that same scent I had noticed the first time I was here. Only this time it was pleasant, relaxing. I walked over to where my baby, our baby, lay. She was sleeping, her chest rising and falling rhythmically with each breath. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was looking at my future. Just then, quite unexpectedly, her eyes opened wide. She looked around with her gorgeous baby blue's and then her eyes caught mine. We locked for what seemed like an eternity and I knew at that very moment what her name was going to be - Tangerine! Tangerine Amy Johnson.
Copyright © The Seeker | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
Bob Quigley | Details |
He stood and aimlessly watched the parade of patrons and volunteers that wandered daily past his kennel. All so familiar, so ordinary. Just like every other day he mused. Nothing new. Nothing special.
Moving to the small crumpled blanket near the back of his cage, he turned several times and finally curled up, head on his paws, positioned so that he could watch the activity around him. But in reality, he was bored. It had been a long time since he had met each morning with anticipation. Too many days. Too much disappointment. He would leave all that barking and racing to the front of their cage to the younger pups who hadn’t figured out yet that the cute ones went first. It didn’t really make any difference what you did to attract attention if you weren’t young or cute, or both.
Too much time had gone by to participate in the charade. In reality, Walter had seen a lot of people that he would rather not spend a lot of time with. You know the type. Kind of hyper, bouncing from stray to stray, looking for a perfect dog. Kids poking their fingers through the kennel screen or banging on it. Some even making barking sounds. He didn’t need any of that and was glad when they were gone.
Walter was very picky. Set in his ways after so many years. He had had it good for a long time. An only dog in a household of two people that let him be himself. No tricks. No stunts. Just long naps and daily walks. A yard to himself to reflect on what was for dinner. He had been fond of his doggy bed in their bedroom. Each night he would help his owner walk through the house turning off the lights and checking the doors before they climbed the stairs together. And there was always one last good night pat before settling down.
But those days were gone now. First one had become ill and went to the hospital and never came back. The other one changed overnight, spending long days, sitting mostly. The walks became less frequent. Walter did what he could. He could see it in their eyes that they were hurting from their loss. He would make a point of laying his head in their lap, trying to let them know that he missed them too. At times like this, he instinctively knew that although it remained unsaid, they only had each other.
He remembers well the day that his owner snapped a leash on him and said, “well Walter, I’m afraid we have to say goodbye. I have to go to a place where they won’t let me keep you, so I am going to have to let you go.” Walter could see the tears in his eyes. He knew it would do him no good to whine or resist. It was obvious there were no alternatives. And besides, it would just make it harder on his owner. But he was going to miss him. It was not going to be easy to adjust.
But adjust he did. He had been here a long time now and had seen countless pups and dogs trot past his cage with light hearts and new owners, heading off with new found hopes and expectations. But it soon became obvious that there weren’t a lot of people that wanted an old yellow hound. Everyone wanted the young ones. So here he lay, dozing a bit, but still keeping an eye on those walking by, many giving him but a glance before moving on.
He heard them before the saw them. ”Honey” the voice said. ”That looks like Walter, old Mr. Whitney’s dog.” Walters ears perked up a little. ”Do I know them” he thought. ”They seem to know me”. I’d better go take a closer look” and with that, he stood and slowly ambled toward his kennel gate, giving a cautious wag of his tail.
“It is him” the man said. ”Walter, how you doing boy? Do you remember me?”
And upon closer inspection, Walter did remember him. He used to live right across the street. He would see him in his yard and if Walter were to ramble over, he usually had a dog treat in his pocket. With the recognition, Walter gave a little stronger wag and moved toward the fingers extended through the fencing. It was good to see an old friend.
“What do you say hon” the man said. ”How would you feel about bringing Walter home with us?”
Walter looked at the woman and saw her nod in agreement. ”You wait here and I’ll go find a volunteer.”
The man bent down and said “What do you think Walter? Would you like to go home with us?”
Actually, Walter decided, he could think of nothing he would like more. A chance to go back to the old neighborhood with people he already knew. What was there not to like.
Soon the woman returned and the gate opened. A leash was snapped on Walter and together they proceeded past the rows of dogs and puppies, all vying for their attention. Walter couldn't help but stand a little straighter, stepping a little more lightly, showing off. ”This is what going home looks like guys.” he thought. ”Good luck and goodbye”.
As they neared the car the man said “I can’t believe we found you Walter. There is someone I am going to take you to see. I can’t wait to see the expression on his face when you walk in his room>”
Walter, of course, knew exactly who he was talking about. And he couldn't wait to see the expression on his face either.
Copyright © Bob Quigley | Year Posted 2013
Long poem by
ruta skendeliene | Details |
Georg Cantor. Chasing infinity. I must!
He was a very lonely man
Tortured by desire to understand
The world and the God’s mind
Like a fearless seasoned sailor
He embarked an elegant boat
Of extreme mental endeavor
With powerful white sails spread wide
And four winds flying behind
He sailed into the realm of unknown
Rejected and abandoned by the world
Breaking hostile waves utterly alone
His peers called him scientific charlatan
And his attempt sickness of mind
But he ignored them and moved forward
Trying to find terra incognita
That was keeping secrets of mathematics
Touching the limits of infinity
Balancing on the edge of insanity
He reached a point where
All the lines of reality converge
In the mind of God in one tight knot
Where everything starts and ends
In one minuscule steadfast spot
The sails halted entangled in wind
And collapsed in a wide swing
He stood there still for three days
Like crucified sun on the cross
Of torturous spring equinox
Till the moment of revelation came
And he saw overwhelmingly beautiful
Pattern spread wide if front of his sight
Of cosmic motion in one elegant flight
Moving towards the horizon
And bending on the other side
He saw infinity standing still all night
Revealing to him her mystical beauty
Expressed in vision of cornucopia
Of even bigger infinities springing
From each other’s solar plexus
Spreading at the speed of light
In an eerie turbulent cosmic night
Lustfully intertwining in one knot
And passionately devouring each other
In heavenly cosmic orgy of motion
Expiring in violent fiery commotion
And then flying slowly away
In a sensuous dreamy way
Extending to the horizon
And disappearing at sun rising
The next morning he saw
The navel of cosmos giving birth
To forever expanding universe
Overwhelmed with exhaustion
In numb emptiness he collapsed
He woke up in the cell of mad house
Opening his burning eyes
In pitch darkness of aerie night
He saw himself laying in a cold metal bed
With restricting shirt holding his arms tied
Firmly behind his spine
Covered with sticky blanket of sweat
Waking up he was trying to grasp
The meaning of his vivid dream
And to memorize how big is infinity
Which he saw reaching the dome of his head
And spreading wide outside it
How big infinity is that would fit in his mind
He agonized about it every night
In the depth of darkness,
He heard a secret voice
Calling him to open the doors
To mathematics of infinity
And in a daze of inspiration
And non-ending hallucinations
In his dream he saw the numbers
Dancing in front of his eyes
Like seagulls flying up high in the sky
And diving in to the waters of ocean
Of eternal primal motion
With indescribable precision
He put names on each of them
And saw their pretty faces smiling at him
Seductively winking in a lustful way
And then spreading out in disarray
He could count them and see
How elegant the pattern was
That weaves the fabric of cosmos
The numbers were dancing
in front of his eyes all night along
Till the morning opened the doors
With the sun shining through the window
They dissipated like vampires
Burnt to dust by the power of light
All he could see was ashes and dust
He couldn’t remember the last night’s lust
He saw it he memorized the design
But in the bright sunlight
He couldn’t remember it
Or think of it or see it
It was gone in one instant
It was like a gulp of water
Disappearing in his mouth
That quenched his thirst
But could not be grasped
A moment ago it had a shape of glass
That he held in his hands
And now it was nothing
But a part of his flesh
A lonely organ was playing Bach
In the distant landscape
Behind cold shattered window
With frost painted floral glass
He struggled to remember
And he screamed:
I must I must to grasp it
To catch it to understand it
To memorize it
That which was hidden
Will be brought to light
One day or one night
In bright sun or candlelight
I must to find the way
To etch it in my brain
A solitary violin was crying
In a distant murky landscape
Of remote rural Saxony
Telling a tragic story of a lonely man
Possessed by desire to understand
His titanic effort to catch infinity
With his bare strong hands
Of his brilliant powerful mind
Locked in a cramped square
Filled with transcendental fear
Clinging to infinity hopelessly
In his feverishly racing brain
Like an old man in the sea
Was holding a sublime fish
Bigger than his eyes could see
In desperate mortal attempt
To win the battle of his life
Or to perish in demise
Violin was crying for infinity
imprisoned in a tiny square
Of a madhouse dreary cell
In an extraordinary mind
Of a very lonely man
Till the day he died
Then the doors opened wide
Letting freed infinity fly away
In to the burning skies
Of the cold grim evening
Of sorrowful winter day
Lonely Violin quietly cried
For a man who tried
To tame infinity
Like a wild mustang
That was born to be wild
Copyright © ruta skendeliene | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
J. W. Earnings | Details |
I grieve for your safety, sis, and I pray for you almost every day –
Depression does leave a big impact on us in a negative way
But I think you think I’m crazy…tell me if I am…
My heart’s devouring curiosity, pain and sham
And still – there’s questions left unanswered…
I feel awkward…I feel unheard like a loner at school, hovering around, yet
Staring at a blank screen before me…hurting my eyes a bit to a certain degree
I see that I have a long way to go with my writing process
I see my past unwind – set me free…the time will never leave me be
I’m living in a fairy tale, never truly bowing down to true success
Let me be…let me flutte like a butterfly out of its cocoon
Let me be who I want to be…let me shine bright like the moon
I’m glistening in the moonlight – I love you more than before
I wish the night away…hoping for some sunshine
I’ll stay with you till the day I pass away
We’ll fight this depression wars…if only you were mine
We’ll go through remorse and romance
Together…forever…we’ll dance in a serenity-indulged trance
Do you hear the wind, whispering their “goodbyes”?
Clear skies beam upon me for a little while at last!
Nothin’ but joyous skies feels therapeutic to my eyesight…
Forgetting the dilemmas that I’ve encountered and the horrid past
Clear baby blue skies hang above our heads in polished delight
Can you see right through me?
Will you ever see me in this reality?
You are bothering me, DEPRESSION!?
All I see is dismal clouds passing me by, accepting derision as a friend instead
of a foe
Should I just move on with life? Why do I feel the urge to cry?
I stab myself with frustration and hurt badly – I feel guilty for your crimes and
your sympathy will never show…let the wicked wind blow!
It pierces like an arrow that flies by night, hitting bull’s eye
Regret shouldn’t get the best of me
Why should I have an unwanted guess by the name of Anxiety?
I’m alone at last…but the future is left unknown
And, yet I don’t groan and God’s my backbone –
I accept the truth of it all…
These scars won’t heal at all,
Can’t help but be in the helpless frame of mind and the shattered state
The stars dim when city lights illuminate the ebony skies, revealing the
cemented ink painted in the atmosphere, unwavering without a smear of fear
Hold on to the bars before you – hold on to me, my love – I can’t help, but
hesitate – I keep thinking of my future, fretful fate
Please wait for me till the dawn scorches aflame like the planet Mars, but until
then – turn the wheel! Turn the wheel!
Hold on to the rope of hope – it won’t harm us, my dove! I can’t escape my
ruins, but I can change for the better and pick all the pieces up and sweep
away the debris - all we are is dust on the ground, rising like the horizon of
the sunset…stimulating our eyes with undying appeal
From where the sun now stands,
I’ve been succumbing to tragedy and preparing for the battle that lies ahead
How I wish upon Tomorrow to see you smile and lock hands
With me…with me…and go ahead of me – put your doubts and worries to bed!
Borrow happiness from me instead! You don’t have to return it back –
If it’s something you lack…come on and open up a crack!
Your hands as cold as ice in Antarctica…it’s frostbitten and I freeze to the bone
You’re concealing this warmhearted soul within you…do you want to be left
But, I won’t leave you without a trace, hiking this mountain on your own!
I know it’s dying to come out without a doubt like the dawn,
Shyly pushing away nightfall by projecting the sun in the sorrow-whelmed
Giving us sunlit glee…converting into flourishing ecstasy – God has my back!
Put your heart at ease and make Depression your slave –
Desert it forever and pick a different route to tread on…self-control keeps me
Oh! Perhaps, you were naturally made for me, but I must behave
I’ve had harder days than you – I’ve been through so much worse
Are you a refined, splendid gift or are you just another wretched curse?
You restored peace to my verse, angel of ambitious bliss, spreading about
good news with glorious grace!
(I can see your halo, spinning around and round and round your head like
Though I was tattered and torn by remorseful spirits, you were my childlike
You and I dismiss the blues and we figure out the mystery’s many clues,
placing our feet in other people’s shoes with empathy traced on our face!
I put my daily worries and distrust to sleep… I can see you weep…
The laments hits us too deep…I’m out of luck…all I thought I was was a loving
But, I was enchanted by the mirror and what it reflected with jubilation that’s
as shiny as a silver, noble sword –
A new spirit, radiant with compassionate, elegant elation …my heart beats in
Copyright © J. W. Earnings | Year Posted 2014
Long poem by
kabuteng P.iNk k. | Details |
Hmmm, where do I start? With deep sighs, I am sighing right now.
I just finished burying 2 lizards, and my heart is heavy...
Let me back up a bit...bear with me if I might turn out to be confusing here,
but I just need to write this, release something, in some way
Although I must admit, this is not exactly what I had in mind to write for this day,
hopefully I can write something more decent later...
I have been wanting to write something for my brother since yesterday,
since February 26 is his 10th year death anniversary.
The words remained stuck in my heart, 'til I fell asleep.
Visited him again today, heard mass for him,
ate a Chinese dinner with my parents and sister, went home.
I now needed dessert. Got a piece of Ferrero Rocher, but just one wouldn't do.
So I got a piece of Almond Roca this time and ate it while walking.
All this time, I have managed to keep my tears away
but maybe somehow, someway, if tears want to fall, they will find a way?
I walk to that area again as I ate that piece of chocolate-
when what do you know, what do you know??
I stepped on a lizard. Again
Yes. Almost exactly the Same area, tail falls off, and the lizard skitters away.
But. I did not slip this time. But, yes, I still screamed, scaring everybody again.
I. Could. Not. Simply. Believe. IT.
One month and 25 days after, I step on a lizard. Again.
Today, of all days. As if I needed more reason to be sadder.
This time around, I had the sense to try to find that lizard.
I had to know if it lived, if it was okay.
I pushed away the nearby cabinet.
And there it was.
Rather, and there they were.
The lizard that I stepped on now
and the petrified remains of the lizard that I stepped on on new year's day...
the other one didn't live after all :(
I know it was that lizard, same area, no tail, who else could it be?
Survival mechanism, no match for my killer foot.
By this time, I am crying, sobbing.
Seriously, the tears just start falling, and my heart so heavy.
And I know it's from the combination of so many things.
The day itself, what I had just done, just things running through me.
What broke my heart, was to see that lizard.
I was wearing rubber shoes this time, last time I was wearing slippers.
And its guts had spilled from its sides.
I couldn't help but keep on saying, "Oh, oh, oh lizard, I am so sorry"
I touched it feebly, and it was literally gaping its mouth.
I don't think I can ever forget that?
Such a small creature, gasping, with its insides out,
its skin on its legs and body scraped.
And it was all my fault.
My sister was there with me, trying to help in her own way.
But yes, there's nothing you can really do...I didn't want to stress it even more,
and let death finish what I did.
There's so much I can glean from this, and I want to ramble on, so badly
but I will try to stop myself from rambling too much.
I put the two lizards, along with a note, the dates when I stepped on them
(ok, killed them), and placed them carefully in a chocolate truffle box.
I buried them and still feel so sorry.
In some ways, this is can be so funny, and just freaky & crazy (what's new, this is me?)
What were the odds??? Same place, same thing happening.
And I can't help but roll my eyes at myself as well, just finding it so hard to fathom
how I stepped on not just one but Two lizards in just two months.
I bet that the lizards are all afraid of me now,
saying how I am a lizard killer. A serial lizard killer.
MO: stepping on them while screaming, maybe my screams also killed them off?
I actually took photos of both lizards, I am not sure why though.
Oh dear God, help me, I am acting like one, even documenting them.
I tell you, as I watched that lizard die, I couldn't help but just also
think of St. Jude (for the impossible) and St. Francis of Assisi (for animals).
I know he was dying, but somehow, yes, prayers still comfort me.
I just feel so guilty, with this happening.
I still can't help but cry for those lizards, death by me, for no reason at all,
no purpose served.
I know it's all a part of life...
but it still doesn't change the fact how death can change us
and of how I am responsible for two lizard deaths.
I know they were just small animals, but Still. They were living creatures.
Death can change us in small ways, some in big ways, negatively or positively.
It all boils down to death transforming us one way or another...
I won't expound on it anymore, this is too long,
but one of the ways I can think of comparing it to, is that of a chemical change,
maybe of the spirit, the soul? Not merely a physical change.
And we can never be the same.
Copyright © kabuteng P.iNk k. | Year Posted 2014