Long poem by
James Hackett Jr | Details |
A Glimpse In A Life
By James Hackett Jr
The harder i try to reach you, the gap seems to expand.
Its like grasping at sand the harder I squeeze the more slips through.
I do not know if its the difference in times journey that made me a different man.
Or the course of your life that wants to push me to another plan.
I know loves there but it feels like there has never been a visible stance.
I wish I could know what you know just a quick glance.
A memory of us that makes you smile but thats for you.
Just know I have plenty and its the reason I can still stand.
That is why I will never ask to you change because I know I am just grasping at sand.
The Demons I Hide
We all have demons,
We all have lied,
Its those of us that hide for pride or shame,
That push on others when we are to blame.
I am that man it be wrong to say,
to cast a stone any other way.
Still the question remains,
with out these demons called pain,
Could you appreciate the cool breeze before a midnight rain?
Would love feel so sweet if never burned by its flame?
Don't hide from your demons embrace them.
Walk through the dark and do not faulter.
Pray if you need but know the light of forgiveness is your alter.
The first time we met we were kids faulty and arragant.
Maybe me more than you cause I never knew love.
That kind of love that hits deep and fast like meteor when something crosses its path.
It wasn't your beauty
It wasnt your smile
I got lost in your eyes
Like an emerald maze of denile
I knew then what I wanted but felt in my heart I was not your aisle.
So we grew up and grew apart but never forgot my desire
to look into to those green eyes of fire
and tell you I love you and it will never extinguish or expire.
A Walk With Death
I never thought so early so young.
I would sit across from you and talk about the things I had done.
I didnt fear you but felt your icey embrace as you took color from my face.
I figured we would just leave and that would be the end of my race.
My dreams my amitions gone without a trace.
Instead you warned me of those who had arranged are date.
Then took me on a stroll through time and through space.
I saw those I left behind and the things they would never hear me say.
Abruptly you asked me is this really how you want to leave in place.
Then I shook my head no embarressed and ashamed you smiled and laughed.
Then you understand, know this was never your path.
We all fall and lose are way, some hit harder than others
you took it to the lowest summit on the lowest plain
As I wondered if this was the true Death's face.
He said remember this moment and learn to walk away.
A moment of warmth and light in my eyes to look up and see my mother.
I finally Understand why.
Music Is Life
To me music is life.
It binds and shares it connects in ways not seen by any eyes
Its an expression of the soul
Or an escape to a world where you find peace and control
It heals wounds and grants courage
motivates in face of determint
Music is the wind that calms the body
The pill that relaxes the mind
It needs no words nor reason to bind
masses of people who would never lend a hand or a dime
come together to celebrate our greatest acheivement
the ability for all creeds to stand together fell it and believe it.
Family isnt bound by blood
Family is bound by love
Its not shared through drugs
created through kisses and hugs
Family is the ability to love
To stand by a brother
when the things get rough
or lend a shoulder
when the world is to tough
Family never asks
Because Family already knows
Family will always be there
when those who claim to to stand toe
leave at the first moment the they think they know
a better oppertunity to find a better tree for their ivy to grow
Looking in the mirror I see the story of my life
The times when I was young fighting for my bike
My first kiss
My first miss
The first time I thought I was going some where great
And the first time I fought to pick myself up after i failed
Times when I couldnt bear it and wanted it to break
Then found the strength to put it back together
After forgiving the shatered pieces of my long going mistakes
Now the mirror is a reminder of of where Ive been but also where im going
once it was a boy looking back laughing and gloating
now its a man who has traveled along road back to it to see where he is going.
I am my worst enemie like most im not special.
The struggle is a daily battle between me and him.
But where some look at it as a burden I look to it as a strength.
He is my rival he helps me grow.
Not all battles are one but prgress still shows.
It took time I wasnt always in control.
I have the scars to prove as a reminder to never forget what I know.
He is selfesh
He is relentless
He has strengths that I dont have but he doesnt have restraint.
I have strengths he doesnt have but lack the curage to mantain.
We are one and through time are battles have taught us to trust in in each other.
There has always been struggle in out hearts but that is because in my opinion we fight who we are to be who we want people to see and this is what causes us interturmoil.
Dont lose yourself to the world but lose the battle inside.
We only lose when we stop fighting and I will never stop.
Copyright © James Hackett Jr | Year Posted 2016
Long poem by
arthur vaso | Details |
The Library of Trust and Hope
The Bank of Trust and Hope
(Cant decide on title, so feel free to pick or suggest one)
She was all but four years of age
Birthdays were such magical moments
The cake was filled with candles
The balloons still in their package twelve on the table
Daddy daddy, I can not fill these balloons!!
They are not magic like you said!!!!!
Do not fret Maria, its daddy who is magical
I shall help you little one, let me see those balloons
Sure enough daddy blew up twelve white and pink balloons
Maria was in awe at daddy’s magical powers
She knew her daddy would fight dragons to bring her but a smile
Maria knew she was safe in daddy's arms, oh what a birthday this will be
Maria was now ten years older
Fourteen years old and already filled with so many happy memories
On this fall day, home from school
There was grandpa in the back yard as usual
He was tending his garden of roses
When she was younger, he told her they were magical roses
Grandma would speak to him in his magical garden
From the heavens above
Now at eighteen, daydreaming in a coffee shop
A stranger picks up a rose from an empty table
A smile oozing in charm, stares into her eyes
This is for you, beauty for beauty
She was swept off her feet, in a whirlwind romance
They danced and dined, it seemed all on her dime
Until the morning she awoke, completely alone
Both lover and credit cards did abscond
Now twenty one, and wise to the world
Absorbed in her studies, somewhat colder than one should be for that age
A chilly fall day in an empty library
A stranger comes, giving her a drawing of a red rose
Hello he says! I drew this for you!
Oh no she thinks to herself, not another one!
Politely she smiles and replies thank-you, but I am taken
This stranger smiles right back and says, the drawing is for you no matter
The next week, and the weeks after, the same routine
He comes to her with a drawing of another beautiful rose
She politely declines his advances
Maria knows that a rose, has a stem, and that comes with pricks
The twelfth week and here he is again
What is the poor girl to do?
She is curious, and she can not quite help herself
She asks, from what do you draw such beautiful flowers?
He smiles kindly and replies
How about next week, I show you?
We can have a coffee, and discuss art
Hesitating she just can not say no to this simple gesture of kindness
They are walking along, and surprisingly she finds herself
Quite intrigued with the ease of their conversation
He takes hold of her hand, and says I live over there, the house in red
She has no time to object as he pulls her forward to the backyard
She stares in absolute shock and awe at what appears before her
Why its the most beautiful, wonderful, enchanting English garden she ever saw
You? she stammers, you made this?
He smiles shyly and says; well now you know what inspires my drawings
Now Maria is eighty and filled with both happiness and sadness
Her husband of all these years has passed on
To be with all his precious roses in the heavens waiting
She sits in their garden, remembering a life time of memories
She picks a single rose, and inhales its fragrance
Contemplating the wisdom's of life
I miss you so much my love
You taught me trust is earned and not given
Your love was my blanket of happiness, wait for me my love,
I am yours eternally
I was lucky in life to have had a good upbringing. My daddy, showered me with love, but most of all he taught me that gifts were not objects, balloons were not magical, nor was he. I learned that what was magical is the time and effort he took to love me, and protect me and those memories I so cherish, but they also he showed me the values I hold dear in myself and those around me.
Then there was dear old grandpa. His garden was his passion, and I suspect that if I could have had more time to spend with him, it was really grandma’s passion, and after her passing, this was the activity that kept him close to her soul. In that respect, I guess it was truly a magical garden. Whenever he saw me, his eyes would light up, he would pour lemonades and he told me such wonderful stories. Unlike many though, he listened to all my troubles and told me, that in life I had to learn some things the hard way, but that he himself knew for a certainty that I would find the love and happiness, that as a young women, I felt would be lost to me forever.
I re-tell my story for all the people out there that have lost trust in others, or have lost hope in humanity. You may have your heart stolen for awhile, someone can bring you sadness, but never let them steal your soul. Learn that trust is earned, not given, and never punish the rest of the world, for your bad experience, for ultimately it is you who suffers most. Be giving, kind and generous, with a strong will and mind. If someone does not respect you, then they shall never earn your trust, and that’s how it should be. Be wise, be prudent, be safe, but most of all be open to love and kindness
Copyright © arthur vaso | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Robert Candler | Details |
Fifty years, boy and man, I’ve been a Sooners fan;
And watched thousands of recruits try to make my Sooners Team.
Often, I’ve enviously wondered what it must be like
To be a touted Sooners recruit, living out his dream.
He’d had a great career through high school;
Made good grades, was a football star, played baseball too.
Coach said college recruiters were watching closely;
So, he tried his very best to make his dream come true.
You see, he’d played on the L’il Sooners as a kid;
Started getting serious about the game when he was only eight
Played with older, bigger boys and practiced hard;
Always told his friends, “To be a Sooner, ya gotta play great”.
Oh yes, his parents raised a football player;
And, even more important, a Sooners fan;
But he wanted more, to be a Sooner,
To feel the glory raining down from the stands.
Now, the Sooners’ Head Coach is in his living room.
“Son, you’ve got talent. We think you fit our scheme.
We’re offering you a scholarship, an opportunity
To be an important member of our great Sooners Team”.
His mother smiles her biggest smile.
His father nods proudly and pats him on the knee.
“Lord knows, son, it’s a dream come true.
Go be the very best Sooner you can be”.
He walks into the locker room,
Not quite sure what to expect;
But sure that to play for the Sooners
He will first have to earn respect.
He looks each man straight in the eye -
Other recruits, trainers, assistants, and every coach.
“Be proud, but respectful”, his mother had said;
Your character, more than your performance, must be above reproach”.
His handshake is firm and he smiles.
“Only one chance for a first impression”, his father had said;
"Always put yourself in positive light, on and off the field.
That’s what it will take to play for the mighty Big Red”.
He meets so many other recruits, each one a high school star.
He’s played against a few and knows they share his dream.
And, to a man, each knows before any chance for Glory,
He first must prove worthy to play for this Sooners Team.
He knows a few will fail to meet the coaches’ expectations.
For some, the scout team will be their fate.
Many will suit up, but rarely play.
Only the very best will ever dare to be great.
Coach says, “If every man learns and executes when called on,
Then this team, we Sooners, will win a lot of games;
But, win or lose, if you play hard and give your very best,
You’ll never have to hang your heads in shame”.
“But gentlemen, with or without you, this team will win.
Every season, the Sooners strive to win it All.
So, listen, work hard, and prepare yourselves. Each game is war...
And you must be ready when Victory calls”.
Through grueling practices, he finds himself.
As he walks to class, his closest friends are aches and pains;
But, just the other day, Coach helped him up, smiled, and patted his helmet.
“You’re doin’ fine, son. Keep pushin’. Remember, no pain, no gain”.
He sees his name on the "open scrimmage" roster for the very first time.
It’s a moment he’ll never forget, another milestone in his dream.
He calls his Mom and Dad, knowing they’ll tell his family and his friends.
He hopes they’ll actually see him play, proof he’s made the Team.
As he suits up for the last pre-season open scrimmage,
He wonders if the coaches would really let a freshman play at all;
But Coach puts him in for eight plays against the first team;
He makes two great open-field tackles and intercepts the ball.
He barely hears the roar of the crowd, as the whole defense “gives him five”.
He’s so excited, he forgets to ask if he can keep that ball.
Fans are buzzing, “Did you see that hit”!? “Who is that kid”!?
“Will he red shirt or will Coach let him play this fall”?
He sees his name in the Sunday paper, hears it on local sports.
He’s happy, but he doesn’t let it go to his head.
He keeps his focus and uses it as motivation.
After all, he wants to start one day for the mighty Big Red.
Yes, we’ll hear more of this young recruit.
Perhaps, one day he’ll be the hero of the game.
A seasoned veteran, maybe All Conference or even All American,
Who’s tasted Victory many times and helped glorify the Sooners’ name.
Oh yes, there have been so many who’ve aspired;
But many fewer who’ve actually made our Sooners Team.
They are our heroes, each and every one;
For it’s through their accomplishments, we fans can live the dream.
Billy Vessels, Steve Owens, Billy Sims, and Jason White,
The Selmons, Little Joe, the Boz, Josh Heupel, and “Q”
They, and so many others, were once touted Sooners recruits;
Who set a higher mark and built the Tradition that is OU.
So, c’mon! c’mon! all you great young football players!
Dedicate your talents to OU’s Team and OU’s Fans.
Make Oklahoma’s Owen Field your Field of Dreams,
And feel the Glory raining down from the stands.
Copyright © Robert Candler | Year Posted 2014
Long poem by
Laura Breidenthal | Details |
In a sudden nodding shift,
I was lifted into the air by the hard wings of the Devil
His putrid stench waking me from what seemed all dream
And upon a balcony of singed vine and blackened soot,
He set me standing
The persistent chirping and buzzing,
Wailing and crying from the maelstrom gnawed my gut
As my eyes opened to this new creation
Swooping swiftly beside me, a tower of jagged filth and beauty all in one,
He looked down upon me, and out at the parted maelstrom,
And the mighty blue-green light pulsating periodically in golds and reds
Emanating in the center of its massive attachment on the walls of the pit
I stood beside him, in awe of my placement,
In awe of such a purpose now,
A moment that seemed so peaceful, yet full of plot and rot
For he rots and rots in his pit, delightful of it
Estranged from the light, and still intrigued by its merge with his nasty night
By the collaborating genius of his spite, and my light
“Look here, woman,
At the breathing entity before you,
How I breathe like you, sing like you, dream like you
And yet we are parted by such a thing as order
That in the command of your God you stand resilient before me
Splitting my maelstrom to merge with your light
And in turn releasing in me, confusing delight
I am most fortunate to attain such a pleasure as this
That He in such faith has put you before me,
To prove we cannot ignite each other
To prove we cannot delight each other
Did He so believe you would sing these duets,
With sustaining soul and heart,
Without a withered doubt to part
To mark your superiority and strength,
Gainst a prisoner of art…”
I gazed at the masterpiece before me,
Having only heard his song in the background of the increasingly loud buzzing
And my eyes turned to face his gaze,
For the masterpiece he beheld, was a masterpiece he wished to graze
“I have suffered lesions of doubt in my past life, Prince,
Entities of darkness swarming like the insects buzzing in your maelstrom,
Their almost human temperaments convincing downfalls I was cursed with
How we are not as righteous as the next prisoner of sin
How we are no different, no special, and nobody wins…
I am not sad that you are here, Devil,
I do not grieve you like a poor kitten in a drainpipe,
Like a wounded bird screeching for its wings to bring it upright,
You have brought this residence of woe onto yourself,
And for that I cannot apologize,
I cannot sympathize,
Or recognize the true feelings your trampled heart forays
I have risen above such angry, bitter and blackened thoughts,
To make need and necessity crave for spirit of truth,
To rest in virtuous contemplation of a heartier creation…
I look out upon this parted maelstrom and see your allowance of my light,
Though I know you cannot fully appreciate what it means to love,
To appreciate the sheer brilliance of its swell,
Its contrast of color from the green-blue fires,
To the gaping swirls and screams of your hell
I do not feel sorry for what you have done,
But for what will become of you
In the ending times,
Where I will say goodbye
We shant meet upon this balcony as we do today,
Watching our creation, and singing through the fray
I will see no more the long wings,
The pulsing rings, and the fetid stings
You are a lion who will not retreat
And I am a lion who refuses to eat…”
Staring off into the beaming light,
His eyes trailing detailed swirls of screaming victims,
Hands and feet wriggling in the muck,
The monsters swimming, biting and grinning
He guided my hand to the center of my light
“See the shadows cast within the light you mast,
Your God fought me to never see how they danced,
How I serving He would always last,
That even the heartiest angels could never surpass
See how the light fights to subsist with my subordinates
How it merely sustains to point out the beauty of each flaw
How it reveals the true evils within,
How it mocks with righteous piety
The Achilles' heel of sin
Without the light in this dark,
Have I a place to retreat?
Till Your God has blessed me,
Teased me, with a lioness so prone to me
See us dance in the center between dark and light
How none leads the other,
How none crests or smothers…
This is the Domination Age woman,
Where soon my gates will be open,
Where soon, even your light cannot remain so bright
Gainst the growth of the grin of my beastly scheme
I don’t need you to be sorry for me, woman!
Only awed, inspired, enlightened!
How this new revelation reveals command only in hiding
You are no longer lion, dreadful daughter in my sight
You are a leech, a vermin, ready to eat, retreat and reveal
You are the messenger to all you stand up for
A slave, in a way, to understanding this bottomless me…”
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Gerald Dillenbeck | Details |
A 1952 vintage Connecticut dormered Cape Cod
painted stark bleached white
with slick jet-black shutters,
hyperbolizing a deep racial minority
well, issue really,
in my mind of similar vintage
and incarnational permaculture,
conceived in bold ripe August,
born in bullish economy of May.
So, I painted her.
Wrapped my arms
and rolled around her
in turquoise sea,
and sky blue,
with rain-cloud grey trim,
so she might be less afraid
and so might I.
Born into late millennial Yang,
reconnecting and reweaving with each other
during trans-millennial now,
how will we transform our economic options
to full diversity and springtime
polycultures of May?
We grow transformed,
reframed to coincidentally cooperate our octaves of color
feeling and mind
Yin and Yang,
convexly displaying economic ecological
principles of mindfulness as coincidental noticing,
advent of winter's grateful hibernation,
enthymematically aptic communication
inducing measured calculations back through RNA-regenerating
origin of living systems.
Deductive Left-brained dominance need not apply for comprehension,
balanced by summer's yangish nutritional bullish market,
hope of fruitful outcomed spring,
then summer's faithful following
of full polyculturing
permacultured information root system
formating strings and tendrils
cooperatively absorbing nutrient Spring's and sprouts consumption,
to produce within life-sustainably proportional karmic response
to yang/yin coincidental rich deep ecologically efficient,
and inclusively effective for full speciating diversity,
nutrient cooperative economics,
that might actually be logical,
because they are ecological.
These, harvested permaculturally optimized
positive analogical and ecological,
digital and atomic,
temporal and spatial,
linear dynamic Open Set Universe String
Polynomial Closed Set Prime Relationship
neural frequency and flow,
balanced bicameral logos-logic:
Left-brained information language
thermodynamically balanced with 3 spatial dimensions
covering 1 equivalent temporal-linear dimension
Commons Economic Balance Assumption
(0) Core Vector [B. Fuller and Euler] =
(+) e-function =
+1 magnetic balanced QBit quark-function
So, all that going on,
more or less,
in our dominant Left hemisphere newer speciated DNA-brain,
AND Right-brained non-linguistic and non-polynomial
intuitive intelligence codes memory dipolar and
coincidentally confluent empathic trust
(harmoniously proportional flow/frequency neural pattern recognition)
(0) Core Vortex =
(-)(-) [not-polynomial dipolar stricture--implicate order] (D. Bohm)
putting all that mess together,
more or less confluently and permaculturally,
(-)(-)Yin (-1 QBit) Nonpolynomial
intuitive temporal-linear-neural balanced
Optimized Information Permacultured String.
now that my home and I are parting ways,
I'm finally noticing that even my friends and family
don't particularly care for our change of color
It's still kind of a hard sell,
this more colorful permaculture
Must be time for adventurous reincarnating revolutions
or we will remain merely ahead of our own non-polynomial ending time.
Time opens space's liturgical rite of passage.
Space coincidentally reincarnates time's
4 equivalent ecological dimensioned order.
4-dimensional equivalent dipolar time.
There is no such thing as non-polynomial time or space
other than negative binomial time
(implicate ordered Right-brain reverse synchronic-aptic coded).
+P (+1QBit) = (-)(-)P =
+/(-)0 Core binary e-function
Prime Core Electromagnetic Balancing Binary-Binomial QBit.
Spring springs polyculture economics
composting through dark and winterish minds and forms and functions,
still looking for greatest inclusive nutrient yield
without suffering dissonantly wilting loss,
cooperatively flying our regenerative kites
co-id/eco-entity tied with time's river of flowing
informating memory strings.
you were wondering when
I would finally conclude
with the sex part.
Copyright © Gerald Dillenbeck | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Laura Breidenthal | Details |
It was a bitter morning, the ground hotter upon my flesh
I kneeled at the center of the pit on the twentieth day,
Remembering a tune sung so long ago,
A great song grieving for the incessant wars
I had almost forgotten how cruel the sounds were…
“Dona, dona…nobis, pacem.”
The voices of the suffering groaning,
Satan the Devil landed close beside,
Watching me scoop the muck on the ground with my hands
He eyed me closely,
Never blinking as he absorbed my solo
I sang the words as I remembered,
My voice ringing around the darkened well
Sifting around and upwards, so that all creatures may behold it
“Word over all,
Beautiful as the sky,
Beautiful that war
And all its deeds and carnage,
Must in time
Be utterly lost…”
He grimaced, as I continued digging through the soot,
My hands scooping slowly and resolvedly
“That the hands of the sisters,
Death and Night,
Wash again and ever again,
My tears fell upon the filth,
As the sobbing from the maelstrom arose ever louder
The tears dripped richly, freshly
Forming a small puddle that broke the hardened rock,
Washing away the stubborn muck
I dug yet still deeper and deeper,
Slowly and surely…
“I look where he lies white faced and still,
In the coffin
I draw near,
And touch lightly with my lips
The white face
In the coffin…”
My last weak note fell in our Prince’s ear like that of a dull bell,
The break of my voice drawing him nearer
Curiously crouching close
For a long time, he said nothing
In the stillness,
I thought of my grandfather, lying rigid,
A frown forever dressed on his features
A face once filled with bountiful life
The pain of his death reminded me of the evil that birthed such tragedy
The reality of this darkness perching my pain
And I was reminded that twenty days,
And four hundred ninety nine years more,
I must wait
To see his beautiful, alighted face again
To confide in him once more as in days past,
His strong thoughtfulness and kindness
That so led me to be who I am
“Dona Nobis Pacem…” He spat, reviling each word
“How many have sung those very same words, over all,
In vain…to bring their swords and spears to battle,
In turn…to bury their dead, gnashing their teeth,
Crushing the bones of those they love the most…
Dona Nobis Pacem, in the face of war,
The pleading of your tears,
Mud is it merely, that forms there,
In your heart of despair…”
He clasped by dirty hand to cease my digging,
Holding it up for him to see,
To feel how the dirtiness felt between my fingers,
Up my palms, and damasked upon my arms
As if to vanquish the grief in every fiber of my being
As if to extinguish from his thick brow some secret sensation...
He then lowered my hand with a sigh,
Sudden grief interrupting my sorrowful dirge
In some strange, counterproductive confliction
I drew my other hand to him, and set it on top of his own
I looked into his eyes, my heart softly sinking
“Why have I come here to you, Prince of Darkness..?”
Puddles of tears streamed down,
To our feet, and his gnarled toes impressed their warmth
The moment they touched, the ground glowed,
Revealing an expanding pool of clear water
Thirstily, desperately, I broke away from the Devil,
To cup my hands into the water,
He watched me drink with immense anger and jealousy,
Horror even, at the formation of this pure water in his well
With a great scoop of the soil, the stubborn soot,
He cried out, hurling the thick mass into the pool,
And like oil, it dispersed,
Floating in droplets on the surface,
Secluded from the depths of the water,
Separate elements, existing together—
He and I
Pacem… . pacem…”
His fists clenched
“How I have hurt her…
Let His waters flow within her
I, the current, shall win her
From the inside and outwards,
How I shall win her. . .
How she must be mine. . .”
-Note: This is a special section which features words that are quoted from the English composer’s Ralph Vaughan William’s great work Dona Nobis Pacem, the third movement (out of six ) entitled Reconciliation. In this song, the words from the poet Robert Frost are put to music. The gentle intensity of this section offered me great happiness and inspiration.
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Laura Breidenthal | Details |
I feel I am drowning
In open air,
Clawing at dirt that isn’t there
No one sees my distress—
No one really cares
Clacking, scraping sounds
Of glasses and plates
Echoes of breathing and voices
Assault my senses,
And still I cannot breathe…
Even as I am safe,
My mind leaves me terrified
My heart clamors in each darting beat,
My legs tense and twist below me
The noise rattles me,
Though somehow I remain still
This mass that is me reviles itself,
It means to move and remove itself,
Though in obligation,
For so long have I known you all,
Why then, do I feel like a stranger in a foreign place?
Like a stricken stray dog,
Filthy and lost,
As you ignore me with no ounce of pity
I can hear their whispers—
They think I'm not listening,
And they think I don't care
I cannot handle the overload of senses
I do not wish to be rude
I am not stand-offish on purpose
I wish you knew...
I wish you knew...
How hard it is just to say "hello"
Even to you,
Whom I have known all my life…
I wish I could turn it off
I wish I could be normal
I wish...I wish
I wasn’t afraid,
But I am…
I mean not to lock myself away,
To never venture past the safety of my own mind
I wish to call for help but I choke on the words
And look for a sweet Escape—
A place for my own mind
Without Reality pressing down
Anxiously I await your departure,
Just as all the others have fled
Wrath left behind their wake…
I watch lonely—helpless to reach out
Useless in my own body mind and soul
I'm drowning on land
With no escape
Though it ails me and paralyzes me,
I am not my fear…
Sometimes even fantasy does not alleviate the pain,
And in its depths,
I wander and wonder with distain,
All I want you to know is that I am more than what I seem,
That in this state, I can never be what I want to be,
But I promise you, this is not all
There is so much more to me
And I struggle so frail to stand tall,
What I am just isn’t what you see,
So as I leave, as was meant to be,
Just know how much you mean to me
Don’t give up when I take a plunge into the deep ends of woe,
Just wait for me on the surface,
For time and solitude will ease me back
So that much more of me you shall know
If I flake, I do not dislike you,
Suffocating outside these walls
Whenever I leave, I need to recharge
You may not see me
For days, for weeks, maybe months,
But I love you still and wish for your company
Alongside me in my comfort place,
In my happy silent solitude
But to have you with me
Would make my day—my year
To know, to see that you care
I wish for you
To be around
To be okay with staying inside
That I could decline invitations
Without being considered rude
I wish I could be normal like you
I wish I could be normal...
I wish I wouldn't burden you
I wish I could turn it off
And never let turn back on
But there is no switch...
There is only me
The freak that burdens your day
I should not trust these feelings
That burn the very life out of me
At times I cannot tell these lies from the truth
For this anxiety drowns all reason,
The currents of frustration thrashing me down
And perhaps it is true,
That in my mind more than yours,
I have let you down,
That I have disappointed and failed you,
And in the suffocating blackness there is no hope for recovery
No white cloth, to wipe this grimy slate clean
Just trust in my heart,
And know that the fear is not me,
And that I love you more than you will ever believe
A collaboration with my best friend Rebecca Larkin, on behalf of anxiety
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2015
Long poem by
Timothy Hicks | Details |
It's the best I can do to explain myself
is standing in between it all, so I can view both sides.
Who are you to say that a summer days more beautiful
than the dead of night?
You profess to have to wisdom by dousing words in philosophical jargon,
but I'm here to let it all loose with an unchained honesty...
it's the best bargain
I have to offer. I practice love cause it's simple.
Respect your body cause it's sacred, a well built temple.
like ramen noodles from the supermarket, just add water
and presto! Easier than reading words off a teleprompter.
Uncensored laughter like it ought to be,
letting it self be know, however audibly.
You don't have to have to reason to love thy neighbor.
When smiles are born from your efforts,
ain't no such thing as hard labor.
Nobody's righteous, man, just a few
who strive to be a little less wicked.
No matter the masks we give ourselves
is ever gonna change the facts that the clock's still ticking.
I believe in God despite what friends close to me might say.
For the sake of fitting in I could claim ignorance,
but there's just no other way.
Cause I know at the end of the day,
there's one all encompassing thought that keeps the doubts at bay,
there's gotta be something more than what I see currently.
Is it so naive to think there lies ahead my unfolding destiny?
God's guidance may be obtained from a book, perhaps,
but I dare you to take a second look
when passing by a mirror
... tell me there's more than what appears.
Is it God you see or is it the devil?
Now let me bring it up a notch to a philosphical level.
Whether you're planting the seeds of kindness
or the seeds of deceit, either way,
it takes effort to roll up your sleeves.
You might as well just be providing carbon dioxide for the trees.
If you don't take chances nothing much happens:
the universe and I unanimously agree.
Call me cardinal cause here I am stating first things first.
Just who the hell are you and what's your purpose?
If a messenger is what you be make it clear as crystal.
Vagueness and obscurity be corruptions might.
A gardener need not be afraid of thorns and thistles.
That's where the berries congregate, am I right?
It's all just talk and not enough walk,
with poetic phrasing I aim to knocks your socks off.
But if you judge by actions I'd be lucky to get a sneeze or cough.
Oh the bitter irony of this conundrum!
A lover of the night who chaseth the sun.
I'm stuck between my two great loves:
The naps in the shadow
and the beauty of the spotlight.
My wish to see the crowds
from the solace of the clouds
or be squeezed between 'em, airtight.
But I just cannot seem to change my outlook,
in many ways I'm both a closed door and a open book.
War and politics wish to claim my writer's soul,
though love and kindness be the intended goal.
They be packing nuclear weapons, but all I got is this pistol.
Flashing with them golden intentions like bedazzled tinsel.
But when the end comes all our egos take advice from soft drinks, fade and fizzle
Guess peace never come, 'til Jesus blows forth the heavenly whistle.
I can't just brush the deaths going on around me as nothing,
despite what the Beatles sang about, love isn't everything,
from experience I've learned, however,
when all you care for just shatters,
love is perhaps the only thing that matters.
So when you see me or when you don't,
a person you can touch and feel or a singular thought
pulled straight from thin air,
know that I am THERE!
I have a heart and mind, and flesh and bone.
Knowing this none can say that I am alone.
Copyright © Timothy Hicks | Year Posted 2013
Long poem by
Robert Nehls | Details |
He sat behind the counter,
Inside the used bookstore.
I thought I recognized him,
As if we'd met before.
"Can I be of service Sir,"
He asked with smiling face.
I'm looking for a book, says I,
Called, "Life's Impassioned Race."
It's poetry that touched my heart,
With words that long endure.
Though we've not met, I know him well.
The author Isadore.
Introduced in sixty four.
I was but a young lad then,
Whose race had just begun.
My wings were young and fragile.
My future plans were none.
Had left the comfort of my home,
Determined to be free.
Then, suddenly I found the world
A dreadful place to be.
I was hungry, cold, and beaten.
Had to fight the urge to steel.
And many times I fought the cats
In alleys for a meal.
It all seemed so unreal.
Yet, through the pain and hunger,
My wings began to grow.
I spread them wide and rode the wind,
Wherever it would go;
Until I found a friendly town,
That looked like home for sure.
I saw a sign, "HELP WANTED,"
Outside a Used Bookstore.
This very store we're standing in;
An old man with a flame.
In fact you look a bit like him,
And, Jacob was his name.
Into his world I came.
Oh, I was grateful for the job,
And Jacobs pay was fair.
In back a cozy little room,
He said that he could spare.
So, there I was, at home and work,
With time and books to read.
The wee-hours my companion,
As mind and soul I'd feed.
I read my way to poetry,
And high among the dust,
The title, " Life's Impassioned Race,"
Came at me with a thrust.
It's reading was a must.
I read it time and time again,
Surprised at all I learned.
I felt my soul cry out with joy.
A fire in me burned.
So, I brought the book to Jacob,
And asked of Isadore.
"Did he write any other books?
Are they here in the store?"
" Isadore? Oh, it's that old book.
The only one he's done.
Old poems of life's impassioned race,"
He then began to read one.
A strange phenomenon.
As if it was a part of him,
His heart poured out each line.
With Isadore, he ran the race
That God and man design.
And I could see, and feel, and smell,
The world of Isadore.
I thought that I'd found all his gifts,
But, Jacob gave me more.
I asked him if he'd read them all.
"Just one each day," he said.
Each morning we would journey on,
Until they all were read.
My need for truth was fed.
It wasn't too long after that,
I felt the wind once more.
"I'll learn of life's impassioned race,"
"Like he author, Isadore."
So, I bid farewell to Jacob,
With a tear and smiling face.
"You might be needing this," he said.
It was, "Life's Impassioned Race."
I carried it for many years.
It's wisdom served me well.
It's words have helped me gain the strength,
To shun the gates of hell.
There's so much I could tell.
Well, I came to see old Jacob.
The book has been misplaced.
Every man should have a copy,
Of, "Life's Impassioned Race.
Then, the man that looked familiar,
With a smile and a tear,
Said, "fortunes your companion, friend.
I have the book right here."
"You're right, I look a bit like him,
This was my father's store.
Well known as, Jacob to his friends.
His Pen Name, Isadore!"
Copyright © Robert Nehls | Year Posted 2014
Long poem by
Laura Breidenthal | Details |
The name of my sidekick was Benjamin, a fellow church member
An ornery, brown haired boy who had nothing in common with me
Save for his sudden sense of adventure and exploration
He asked me, “Laura? Have you ever been up there?”
I said, my voice soft, innocent, and practical,
“No. My dad says we are not allowed up there…”
“I’ve gone halfway up already,” Benjamin said proudly.
“What do you think is up there?”
I looked at him in surprise. “You know you shouldn’t go near there Ben!”
“I know, but what do you think is up there?”
“I don’t know, Ben. I don’t know…”
This was the first time I had ever entered the Scottish Rite Cathedral
Where our congregation was to meet for the Passover Holy Day
I was the snarky seven year old, and Benjamin was the terrible ten
His eyes glistened in real wonder
I remember my soul shuttered, as I stood there with him
Just looking above at the staircase before me…
My mind drifted, as it still does even now…
The temple was grand, spacious, cream white
I remember feeling very safe beside its lovely walls
Upon entering, I marveled at the two Sphinx guardians,
Watching over the temple in their strange stone supremacy
I was recalling such things when Benjamin poked me
“Hey Freckles! Quit your dreaming will you?
We need to go see what’s up there! I mean look!”
And my eyes were forced to look up those magnificent,
Yet eerily dark stairs…
He whispered, “I know they’re hiding something up there!
I just know it!”
The thought of me going up these stairs was terrifying,
Yet…oddly, I felt suddenly drawn to it…
I needed to know what was up that stairway,
And I didn’t like needing anything at all
He started tugging me, already standing on the first stair
“Come on Laura. Come on! I don’t want to go alone!
It will only be for just a few seconds.
We’ll take a quick peak, and then we can go.
No one will see us, I promise!”
I felt a sacred and crawling feeling that someone was watching
Like someone already knew our plans…
I looked around warily, my eyes drifting back upwards toward the stairway
Stop it, eyes…stop it…
“Ben. No. What if we get lost?”
He took my hand earnestly and forcefully
“We won’t Breidenthal!”
“Don’t call me Breidenthal, Ben…”
I looked at him long and hard,
Seeing him as both a bully and a blessing
I wanted to go, don’t get me wrong,
But I did not like needing to go up there,
And I definitely did not like him holding my hand…
His eyes were pleading me to come along
It was clear he wasn’t going to have his adventure without me
“Okay, okay…let’s go….”
He smiled wide. “Yes! Don’t worry! I won’t let go of your hand!”
A dully comforting promise…
From then on, I cannot decipher dream from reality…
As we ascended the stairway,
I started hearing the air heavier than before
Going up, the stairway was not as dark as I thought
Though as we climbed higher, Ben picked up his speed
And the darkness became heavier
We passed the large glassed window of little light,
Reaching the top of the first set of stairs
On the left, I cringed
There was complete darkness up the next set
Ben looked at me and stared back up the stairs
He was scared…really scared
“This is how far I got last time,” He said quickly,
His voice was strange to me, shaky and squeaky
“Are we going all the way up?” I asked faintly,
The sound of the air now sounded like a hollow hum
“Yes, Laura. There’s no going back…”
Copyright © Laura Breidenthal | Year Posted 2015