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Self Destructive Wickedness Arrested, Convicted, and Gaoled
Self destructive wickedness arrested, convicted, and gaoled... with kidnapping little boy ordered to suffer life sentence without parole. The deadly scourge of one obsessive/compulsive disorder nearly left me starving to death. Anorexia nervosa absent bulimia nadir of onset diagnoses schizoid personality disorder severe social anxiety still legion I aire behavior which agonizingly elicited slow suicide courtesy self starvation maelstrom within psyche of self as prepubescent lad (particularly devastated immediate family members) as emaciation pitted existential revulsion from unseen wuthering heights betook courtesy yours truly teased, hectored, and called “professor,” when riding the school bus nearly wrung death knell annihilating fragile entity christened Matthew Scott Harris with peremptory imprimatur yielding covalent bond to life readily obvious to kith and kin via zorro like signature per profound perilous depressive psychological state. Now - at about three decades plus six years from attaining rank of centenarian perfect 20/20 hindsight offers supreme advantage from swift current near drowning alluded earlier when das scribe juiced thwarted leapfrogging from pollywog tad metamorphosed to witness puberty, whence devastating emotional crisis tripped, trilled, and tricked aborted natural healthy development chronological denouement demise jump/kick started theorizing numerous educated guesses within mind of middle progeny and sole sol (of the both late father and mother Boyce and Harriet Harris) respectively why he willfully hurtled his flesh at light speed down the abyss toward death. Literal and physical lightness of being manifested within nooks and crannies prior to full blown symptoms to eliminate sustenance drawing the curtain on brief residence way before high noon of life. Metamorphosis from boyhood kindled burning man found solace in attempting to keep at bay of pigs hijacked natural cycle, which seminal transformation grieved me to pine for nostalgic childhood’s end (albeit one fraught with romanticism) vengefully interpreted attempt to halt dead in the tracks intervention of mother, whose nursing experience helped fend off passive attempt to promulgate passive silent plan to fruition. She whipped various nutritious concoctions in the blender to ensure minimal essentials to this, I readily admit) famished body in conjunction with applying vital supplements into one or the other skeletal gluteus maximus thru fuel injection, which submissiveness to acquiesce, and bare bony buttocks to receive iron injections did absolutely nothing to squelch death wish. I inexorably did buzzfeed hashtagged eating disorder to go on a deadly hunger strike, which essentially constituted declaration of independent control despite horrendous craving for food jabbed innards like a pike bifurcated psychic division to live ousted coeval death wish goal to seize yore reminiscent blissful, (albeit fictional) childhood over flooded self made damned dike engaging, engendering, engineering propensity to catapult yours truly into abysmal emotional hole and way before the invention of Facebook, I mentally clicked like to surrender mailer daemons all of me healthy development stole. Imprimatur indelibly etched decades after bout with passive exit from life crimp on psycho/social skills plus stunted physical growth cuts like a knife affecting mental health with panic attacks and anxiety although existence considerably less riddled qua debilitating symptoms (such as vertigo, racing heart, profuse sweating, nausea, irritable bowels) relying on the following prescription medications: BUSPIRONE HCL 15 MG TABLET CLOMIPRAMINE 50 MG CAPSULE CLONAZEPAM 0.5 MG TABLET FLUOXETINE HCL 40 MG CAPSULE GLYCOPYRROLATE 2 MG TABLET PRAZOSIN 1 MG CAPSULE PRAZOSIN 5 MG CAPSULE RISPIRIDONE 1 MG TABLET ROPINIROLE HCL 1 MG TABLET. To add insult to injury yours truly also gifted courtesy split uvula but did little to ameliorate the writer of these words suffering brickbats as scape goat, whereby severe adenoidal vocalizations allowed, enabled, and provided an easy target viz black barbs poised to strike, hurled, and bullied me by peers. Up until I entered six grade (at Henry Kline elementary - a one classroom per grade school) classmates bullied, derided, and feigned to hammer - jabbing leering, nasty pimping ragout as a rule which boyhood self of mine availed a perfect bullseye target with combination of diminutiveness, being painfully quiet, essentially remaining mum the entire day except when called upon to answer question thence utterance emanating between lips produced and emitted a strong nasal sound to boot grist for the mill sans malice meted, mimicked, and mocked mashup of mine warped congestion ah, twas only by a fluke conversation, whence speech pathologist informed my parents about The Lancaster cleft palate clinic, where oral an examination revealed minor birth defect identified as a submucous cleft palate, which explained the severe pinched twang somewhat mitigated by wearing a removable prosthetic fastened with clasps to upper teeth whereby a makeshift miniature plastic protuberance closed the gap (at the expense of practically gagging me) so air would be prevented passing thru my button nose, and thus gentle and soft as a shutterfly shunted air out oral opening though congenital defect disallowed returning merchandise back to sender nor could blame be affixed at either father nor mother who both harbored the genetic mutation now such admissions re: aforementioned impediment allows, enables and provides boasting rights if in a mood temper any curiosity or satisfying a rumor whispered down the alley whence I said “ah” left nagging nincompoops as if pie hole filled with a gobstopper.
Copyright © 2024 Matthew Harris. All Rights Reserved

Book: Reflection on the Important Things