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Best Humor Poems

Below are the all-time best Humor poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the best examples of humor poems written by PoetrySoup members

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Definition & Discussion of Humor Poems
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See also: Best Famous Poems

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Details | Humor Poem | |

CAS TIM JAN AND ME

You have all heard I am sure of the three musketeers
The group with the swords not the ones with the funny ears

Reminds me of a line that right  here would apply
There are three kinds of people I tell you no lie
Those who are really quite good at math
And those who are not and that's that

They were the three musketeers but they were four
Their math was bad  not three, four and no more
I hope you're all still with me, I'm not trying to be a pest
I need you to follow me because at the end there's a test

There is Casarah 
Yeah and hurrah

Then there's Tim
Tall and slim

And  finally there is kind hearted Jan
From England she's the one with no tan
 
 If you kept count that makes three
Who can argue. You'd have to agree.
Now we have arrived at what Iam trying to say
I've just joined them and I quite enjoy sword play

Do you see? I am number four.
I'll just walk through their door.
That makes me the best, the fillet mignon
It turns  out that I am frikin'  D'Artagnan.

Details | Humor Poem | |

Best Man

It has been 9 months since your sudden disappearance.

That Hallowed night when your 5’11” nerd aura
Handed me my early birthday gift
A cold shoulder wrapped in a velvet bow
Made in Sri Lanka, sold exclusively at the Dollar Store

That was your appraised value.

But, today, revival’s whisper enters my gently waxed earlobes.

Candy coated revelations
For my allergic blood

“I said yes!”, as she flashed Cracker Jack ring
Filled with Monopoly dollar signs and “Go directly to Jail” Chance cards

I almost applauded, my hands sarcastically never connected
While my eyeballs rolled in epileptic banter

We scream in misguided nerd joy 
As if we witnessed Monty Python & Darth Vader having a make-out session

Sudden urges to watch movies about Traveling Pants & Sisterhood
And PSing my I Love You
While we eat Dark Chocolate Klondike bars and Chipwich Ice Cream Cookies
My ovaries were bursting with INSANITY’S JOY!

But, WAIT, I quickly realized I didn’t have such parts!

It was then, reality crashed
As if Spider Man ran out of web during mid-air leap

My essence now halts at crossroads’ throat.

To my left, “celebration”
To my right, “other”

I chose to be a human this night.

Current time- 9:15pm
Current location- Reception Hall

A 5 course meal,
Including dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets
Smiley face French fries
And 3 glasses of Tang
Surrounded my space on the dinner table

Heavenly echoes of forks & glass,
Ringing in ignorant unison,
Give birth to Tinnitus in my drums

In their 9 months of togetherness,
They kiss with forcible ease,
Frogs refusing to show their true form

It is then, ignoring listless stares from guests,
I stood up holding my half-empty Tang glass
Which MIGHT have contained a smidge of Grey Goose

At the TOP of my LUNGS,
I whispered.

“Friend, I should be so proud of you. I would. I could. You never responded to my open-hearted palm. You left my vulnerabilities dangling at half-mast, as if I lost our final game of Hang Man. But, TONIGHT, it is I & this delicious Dinosaur nugget that will HAVE a final say! You are impeccably flawed, like I. But, I still wanted you to be a part of my tomorrows. Yet, you turned me into a muted yesterday. So, I will wish congratulations on your new slav…um, husband, Pouring this glass of yummy Tang onto this stapled dance floor in a straight line Each drop will be a symbol of how many tears he will shed, before that line is crossed.”
As silence slapped each other in its face Across candle flame blanketed, marble dance hall, With children pointing & laughing hysterically, “Security” enters the room As I hold hands with Cuban female rent-a-cop, her head warming my shoulder, “Thank you for these 9 months. For now, I have given birth to a new me. The Best Man that you will never hold again.” ©Drake J. Eszes

Details | Humor Poem | |

3 Musketeers A collaboration with Casarah Nance and Tim Smith

I wrote a poem of despair 
My hearts been tossed up into the air 

She wrote a limerick that was taboo 
She made me laugh when I was so blue 

Entering stage left was Tim 
Writing of past lovers sins in a hymn 

It seems that we laugh or we cry 
We live, we love, or we die 

The three of us, holding poetic swords up high 
Throughout the ages we all do fly 

No subject goes unspoken 
For the freedom of words we've awoken 

No battle to long or too fierce 
Our duels are true and unrehearsed. 

Through blood, sweat and tears 
A bond so strong that sweetens the years 

All for one and one for all 
Let us carry on and have a ball!

Details | Humor Poem | |

How To Be A Millionaire: Start Out as a Billionaire

I put money in the stock market, knives were cut sharply diapers remained unchanged and paper was stationery toilet paper touched a new bottom, switches were off feathers were down. the pigs are feeding at the trough
Maurice Yvonne September 8 2014 Chastuska Me - Poetry Contest Dr. Ram Mehta

Details | Humor Poem | |

Comments Poetry Contest

part one:
i was new and i wasn't sure what to expect i was here to mend. 
before i submitted anything i thought i would get a lay of the land.
 finally i dove in. head first. yikes!
in the shallow end. double yikes!

part two:
 dear reader after that tumultuous beginning of this harrowing tale 
we continue with part two. (scary movie music plays to no avail)
boy oh boy this is really scary stuff
back to the story, though a little rough 

(as an aside did i mention i have big feet their long fellows)

part three:
the time had come. 
this is no time to be dumb.
had a poem to submit. one with a lot of wit
"roses are red 
violets are blue
some poems rhyme
some poems don't"
i couldn't enter this poem it  was written by Shakespeare and that would be 
plagiarism 
(note to self look up the meaning of that big word i just wrote. it is a big word like 
marmalade)

 part eight:
so there i was reading my first comment. i couldn't believe what i was reading.

the words were kind and helpful
could this be true
i had expected something brittle
i grabbed a tissue

tears were streaming down my face
i thought this is a fantastic place
the poets here are quite amazing
talk about baffling and confusing 

this was a lot better than
the time i had spent in jail
in the country of iran
a small room and a pail

do you know what that comment said
"i read this while lying in my bed
i thought it was quite romantic 
actually even really poetic"

part twenty:
Fini

(in my own defense the rules said use any style. this is a form the french call 
poetry of the absurd...or not!)

Maurice Yvonne
Comment Poetry Contest
August 25 2014

Details | Humor Poem | |

Sweet and Salty -LIBRA TALE

      LIBRA  TALE

Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
   Balance of truth and dare
   Good and Evil, full of care 
Blind when it comes to blood line


 
:) PD

Details | Humor Poem | |

The birds

The birds! The birds!

Uncountable the subject pronoun words
give tongue to humbleness, henceforth to speak;
contributing to poetry for birds,
our inspiration nested on their beak!

He's watching leaping sparrows eating bread,
while on his terrace sips green Ceylon chai;
it seems to him that poetry has fled,
and gone with the banditos, bidding "byee".

Alas! The birds have taught us all we know,
encyclopedic, scientific, art...
Cause he would not be 'mong ya apropos,
if poetry was meant to be more smart:

{ Thy Tristan I shall be, divine Izolde;
thus, like a bird of valor, debonair,
I'll fly to thee, because I have been told,
that someday I'll become a billionaire.

Among the birds, oh maid, I picture thee
abducted by banditos (or eloped?)
thus I, compose my poetry to be
reminder of the corns that have not popped.

And thus, envisioning, thy magic curves,
I'll be a triumphant filibustier,
my self-igniting foolish verse, and oeuvres,
will reach (oh, dolly bird) thy round derriere.

And then, if not for other, thus, demand,
my manuscripts will serve a strident cause,
vociferous upon the meadowland,
by the banditos will receive applause. }
 
© 02-18-2014, G. Venetopoulos
(Iambic Pentameter)
G.V.

Details | Humor Poem | |

Worcester Rooster


Out on the faraway of Spring,
the wraiths tap-dance atop the fields,
their laughter rises when they wield,
and beam to innocent their swing.

Our donkey left the barn last night,
pursuing thus, a gracious mare;
a whir became on stardom glare,
enchanting all jennets in sight!

The chickens started to escape,
because of a bewitching coq,
(with sauce of Worcester, cooked in wok),
- his spook got drunk on Concord grape.

Our precious cow (miss World was called) ,
wore ten inch spikes with a short dress,
and jumped around, out to egress,
absorbed by night, wild-thing un-stalled.

Two versing hogs, were cuckoo-spelled,
and oinking Shakespeare's sixth sonnet,
spiraled afar, while treasured 'nette',
on website radio excelled.

This Pandemonium's trick song,
our grandma sang while her broom climbed,
with a 'ye haw' she left and rhymed,
new magic flying to Hong Kong.

Nigh this Catastrophe's attacks,
the neighbor's daughter dressed like ghost,
to whistling replied riposte,
- and much was kissed, on dry hay stacks.

© G. V., 11-19-2013, All Rights Reserved
(Iambic tetrameter)

Worcester: is pronounced "Woo'ster"

Details | Humor Poem | |

Vitrine-mannequin on a Winter night I

Mannequin

Dependent was and amorous obsession 5.5
in burning desert, fresh canteen 4
his sidewalk's fantasy and thoughts' digression, 5.5
the strongest coffee's roasted bean 4
(their phantasms met beyond projectors' light). 5

Exquisite stood upfront, unmoving posture,
distressing emptiness of soul,
unreachable resort her sightly stature,
(- expending skies and ozone hole),
prêt à porter vitrine, on Winter's night.

Behind the glass, a still and standing shadow
abates his hopes (gray sky suspends),
( he takes his foolish stance of wooden scarecrow,
- that through odd sprawls the fields attends ),
was she the blessing of the Gods or else?...

His allegorical, but lonely feeling,
instilled inside, without defect,
while speechless phantoms crossed sky's ceiling,
the downpour soaked, warmth to reject,
(ersatz their wedlock's knolling, fast dispels).

Her uppish, elegant of stance, adjacent,
within arm's reach, kind of abstruse,
albeit abstained, of secular indulgence,
(his head acquired a tilt obtuse),
invited him through faultless, charming lies.

A brass trumpet dispersed its jazzy spieling,
he, thoughtless, leaned on some red booth,
adored her raised one hand's refined appealing,
(- that altruistic, smiling tooth!),
and gazing to the stars but vacant eyes!...

© G.V. 11-16-2013, All Rights Reserved

(Iambic Quintain following 5.5, 4, 5.5, 4, 5 feet on each stanza. 
The rhyme scheme follows this pattern: 
ABABC DEDEC, FGFGH, IJIJH ... and so on.)
(Allegory, Humor)


Details | Humor Poem | |

Dreaming

Will poems to my dull senses rise,
     In plainer garb, or apt disguise?
Can turn of phrase else serve an end,
     To vanquish foes or win a friend?

What ardor gains a rhyme’s release,
     To grant me treasured moment’s peace?
So is it merely hubris’ child,
    That lets me dream I’m Oscar Wilde!

2nd Place, Best Poetic Form, Poet Destroyer A

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