Best Golf Poems
The grass
alas
is shorn
like corn
the dew
eschews
forlorn
this morn
the crowd
avowed
the ball
and all
then groans
and moans
clubs thrown
are known.
Embued
and hued
the words
like swords
wrong swing
the sting
bad lie
too high
the squeeze
on knees
in pleas?
to seize
the gold
and hold
glory
story
though droll
their goal
control
cajole
that ball
to fall
or roll
in hole
August 22,2022
For Brian Strand's Premiere Choice Contest
FIRST PLACE TROPhy!
POEM OF THE WEEK!
Over fifty years have passed,
Tho’ it seems like just the other day;
My father gave me golf clubs,
“It’s a game you need to learn to play.”
He said, “It’s very difficult, but so is life.
There’s more to learn than grip and swing and rules,
Like honesty and dealing with adversity;
Then, pointing to his head, “… and how to use ALL your tools.
Play the Course… and Mother Nature…
Focus on just one shot at a time;
Try to learn from each of your mistakes;
Then, do your best to leave them behind.
These clubs will teach you more
Than our ‘man to man’ talks.
This you'll learn for yourself,
So you can “walk the walk.”
“Practice makes better, but not perfect.
And always remember what they say:
‘”Golf is not a game that we can win.
It’s just a game we play.’”
His lessons served me very well,
Took them to heart and play the game.
And life is much like a round of golf.
Despite the bad shots, I’m always glad I came.
I really am a golfer
And let me tell you why
Its only when I swing a club
I really feel alive
I really am a golfer
And take my driver out
I swing my club and hit the ball
As hard and I have might
I really and a golfer
My ball is in the rough
I swing my metal 3 real hard
To find the grass is tuff
I really am a golfer
My ball goes 50 ft.
It’s out the rough and in the sand
And buried very deep
I really am a golfer
I take my sand wedge out
I open up the face of it
And swing it with a clout
I really am a golfer
My ball is on the green
I swing the putter in an arc
With boggy on the seen
I really am a Golfer
My put goes 10ft past
I’m looking at a double
But the Green is just too fast
I really am a golfer
The balls beside the cup
I make it in the center
And my friends they call it luck
While a man was golfing in Fife
a funeral cortege was arife,
his head bowed in prayer
at this somber affair
to pay last respects to his wife!
This game of golf as is this life,
Played all life, perfect still can't be,
Ever reminding of one’s wife,
Put on pedestal, upon tee,
Handicaps, roughs, bogies stay rife,
And played as if on edge of knife!
Easy to start, hard to finish,
And harder ever to master,
Followed like an unfulfilled wish,
Always one stroke from disaster,
As in life, handicaps bridge gap,
Eagles two, birdies claim one clap.
What rage be this game every age,
As many highs as there be lows,
A game ever on players grows,
Ageless be this sport in image—
To my liking a bit high brow,
Pricey clubs, carts, caddies in tow.
And if ye think you the ball drive,
Beware of game that drives you naïve,
This game of greens, good to relax,
Greener still goes envied player,
And greatest of a leveller,
Pro or novice likes it like sex.
_____________________________________________
Reflections | 01.10.04 |
You’re in Palm Springs, not much to do
But golf and get some sun
Hop on a cart, still almost dark
Get out and have some fun
Line up your shot, you’re feeling hot
You try hard not to push
But half the time, like you were blind
It ends up in the bush
You curse and swear like no one’s there
Dig up a chunk of dirt
You hit a house, feel like a louse
Thank God no one was hurt
You hack around, rip up the ground
The hole seems ’way too small
You miss your shot and swear a lot
This is no fun at all
Every shot’s worse than the last
No matter how you try
They don’t go where you want them
It makes you wanna cry
Your buddies laugh, you stand and chaff
You ask them what’s so funny
They grin and say, “Looks like today
You owe us lots of money”
Finally when you make a shot
You think you’re getting hotter
You rip the next shot long and hard
Straight into the water
Every shot makes someone smile
Somehow it’s never you
A foursome comes up from behind
Asks if they could play through
You shank and pull you slash and slice
You finally get around
The only part that you enjoy
Is when you’re homeward bound
You practice ‘til the sun goes down
Determined not to fail
The more you try the worse it gets
You just groove your slash and flail
Today I had a real good day
I’m happy as could be
Had lots of fun, me and my Hon
Stayed home and watched TV
I'm two inches wide,
and can drive a person
insane. I roll my own way
even slower in the rain. I am
always still when you need me
too. I spin and slice when not hit
right. I can hook and dive and go
out of sight. I can drop on a green
if the golf gods are there, or I can
land in the sand if they choose or
even care. See a golf ball is bad
and can make a man sad. But
for a hole in one, I would be
very happy and oh so glad.
Walking my tiger home alone
In the background and unknown
With a rag I polish a club
Then you take it with a snub
I walk around keeping stats
Wet my finger for wind on flats
Calculate yards from here to there
So dimpled ball will stay in the air
As fast as you behind I lag
The difference is I carry your bag
All in white in bright coveralls
Marking the spot to place your balls
On the green is usually where
Sometimes you don't I won't go there
Have no problem choosing the club
Throwing it back an uneasy rub
I go the distance for eighteen
Making sure you make the green
Many tournaments you have won
Some are due to the work I've done
Raise the cup enjoy the win
I can take it on the chin
Beside you like some garden gnome
Here I'm walking my Tiger home
You Know
By Elton Camp
The conversation has only begun
When I realize it is with a moron.
On every thought he does bestow
The foolish phrase, “You know.”
Just how could I possibly know
Until he proceeds to tell me so.
“I really like sports, you know.
They just put my heart aglow.”
“I met Joe Montana two years ago.
It was just such a thrill, you know.”
How could I know just how he felt
When with his idol he had dealt.
“I like baseball pitches, fast or slow.
That’s the throwing speed, you know”
To learn that I simply couldn’t wait.
On word meaning he kept me straight.
Then golf he includes among the rest.
I learn that it is the sport he likes best.
“I just love to hear Tiger Woods crow.
In playing golf he’s the best, you know.”
His praise of sports continues to flow.
About all he may say, he thinks I know.
“Once, to the World Series, I got to go.
And there I had so much fun, you know.”
For sports tickets, I spend lots of dough,
But it’s well worth it to me, you know.”
I wonder if it is well-spent to his wife.
And how about the children in his life.
Into all of his chat, he continues to throw
His favorite phrase, one that I do know.
“Well, I guess that it’s time for me to go.
It’s been great meeting you, you know.”
What a great day for golf in the middle of Fall,
feeling quite chipper I drew a smile on my ball.
My confidence rose as I stepped to the tee,
while I stared down the flag on this gorgeous par three.
I swung back the club that I held in my hands
and prayed that my ball on the green softly lands.
As the white orb pierced the blue Autumn sky,
I soon lost my sight with the sun in my eyes.
I strolled to the green with trusty putter in tow,
but no ball in sight. Where did it go?
I searched in the rough and the bunker of sand,
with extreme disappointment and useless putter in hand.
As my search would yield nothing, I was about to give up.
When a small voice whispered, "Just look in the cup."
Could it be that my little friend found his way in the hole?
Who would believe it? Not one living soul.
So I walked to the flag on this dreadful par three
and I smiled at a ball that was smiling at me.
To whom it may concern this poem is pure fiction.
11/23/20
Trump went to the golf course today
But nobody wanted to play
When someone yelled, "Fore!"
Trump thought they yelled, "Whore!"
And proudly stood in the ball's way
Play life together
Trust faith and putt your ball true ~
The hole will widen.
For a secret ballot forever
Keep your mouth tightly shut
~ just like when you three-putt
like twins they indeed do become
warm, sleepy, peaceful bodkins
in God's universe, love and the sun
8/3/2019
8pm PST
Another loss for my favorite team
The season just isn’t picking up steam
First it’s poor defense, then listless offense
Sloppy fundamentals make us fans scream
I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel
or a pot of gold at rainbow’s edge
So I think I’ll go golfing at an easy par-three ~
Just hit three balls in the lake with my old trusty wedge