I was really having trouble deciding on a pet
Exactly what I wanted I wasn’t sure just yet
I pondered and I pondered until I couldn’t bear it
Then it finally came to me, I’ll get a baby carrot
Now I did not expect to have just any orange sprout
It took a lot of looking to pick the right one out
By the time I picked one out, my head was in a whirl
But he was sure a cutie and I quickly named him Earl
Earl can be a character and he is quite a riot
But when I’m watching TV, he’s always very quiet
Earl won’t watch the Gourmet Chef, in fact he really hates him
It’s because one day he cooked some carrots and he ate them
Earl always keeps a tidy room and never makes a mess
He never gives me trouble and I really must confess
The few times he’s been naughty and had to have a whack
He took it well and never even thought of talking back
I recently brought home for Earl a little carrot friend
I think it was a big mistake that bit me in the end
When I got home from work today I caught him kissing Earl
And then it finally dawned on me, my carrot is a girl
Because of a jackknifed tractor-trailer up ahead,
vehicles on this highway has been stopped cold dead.
The radio traffic report came on a little late.
That is the reason for my ignominious fate.
I had to use the highway to get to the liquor store.
I ran out of beer, so I had to get some more.
Therefore, I will be stuck here for quite some time.
The way some people drive seems like a big crime.
Wait a minute! I see a female that is sublime.
She is in a little foreign job a few cars from me.
This attractive redhead appears as cute as can be.
Hello there carrot top! Yes, I am talking to you!
Why don’t you come over here and have yourself a brew?
Sweet baby carrots for me
Setting my heart free
Swimming in low calorie
Sipping with ice, nice!
Sweet taste with no waste
© Joseph 7/4/07
© All Rights Reserved
The “Epulaeryu” poem is about delicious food and drinks. It consists of seven
lines with thirty-three syllables. The first line has seven syllables, the second
line five, the third line seven, the fourth line five, the fifth line five, the sixth line
three, and the seventh line has only one syllable which ends with an exclamation
mark. Each line has one thought relating to the main course. The Epulaeryu
poetic form syllable count is 7/5/7/5/5/3/1. It has corresponding lines built around
the main course, and concludes with the ending line expressing the writer’s
excitement and feelings about the meal. The Epulaeryu form was poem was
invented by Joseph Spence, Sr.
Come in disguise, the invite read
Feast our eyes, allow us to guess
Dress in truthful lies, was what it said
Like a queen in chess, whose off with their head!
Prizes awarded for the best dressed
Whoevers costume most impressed
We've got Batman and Joker
Lion-O and Mummra
We have Tom and also Jerry
with Catwoman played by Halle Berry
Wearing the mask off of Jim Carrey
Alice is hear, she looks so grand
The MadHatter too, he's never bland
Someone's even dressed as a foetus
bet they thought that would beat us
I am naked with a girl on my back
for that idea I took some flack
But I felt it'd do ever so well
I am a snail and this is Michelle
Over there's a man dressed as cheese
chatting up girls who like bries
I jump over two men clothed as sheep
Who beg my return cos they're trying to sleep
A quick chat with Bob Marley
and see a scooter dressed as a Harley
Even has the handlebars from Salvador Dali.
Please don't get too depressed
poor losers and all the rest
look at Joe, he did best
put the effort in and passed the test
don't use his sash as a garrot
he looks great as a carrot
fancily dressed as a parrot!
I am sorry,
I am very sorry,
This is for my daughter
I mean my young, beautiful pet.
That was it, the voice of my friend
Who now prides himself
Of another daughter across the street
Only God knows how many of such
I mean those susceptible to his carrot.
Indeed, very young
Full of life to live
Looking innocently attractive
Until he crept into her life.
Her Aunt’s door left ajar
She fell like a pack of card.
He dazzles her Aunt with intermittent gifts
He branded the girl “My daughter”
My innocent friend became a father
And dangles before his daughter a lanky carrot.
As times tickles away,
The daughter not only eats the golden carrot
But she swallows it gently with exactitude
Yet, her Aunt saw no changes
When carrots thickens her sister’s hips
And her flat buttocks getting curved roundly
While her chest pointer getting shaped
Her Aunt still blinded with gifts of “Suya and bread”.
Here comes this day knocking
As my friend’s daughter
Vomits and coughs repeatedly,
She feigned to be well before her Aunt.
“Nothing, I’m okay”
She smiled to her friends
And pretends to all
But grim only at her father
The act got caught short
Not for too long,
Now we all know,
That she has swallowed her father’s carrot
And it got stucked in her throat.
When?, Where?, Who?, her Aunt queried
Three months ago, she retorted
My . . . My . . . My . . . father, she replied.
Before eyes got blinked,
My friend’s was out of town
In search of another daughter.
Alayande Stephen T.
4th August, 2007
Spiced up for my good friend Tope and his daughter.
It all happened on my visit to Abuja.
Suya- An Hausa language (from Nigeria) for roasted meat.