You Don'T Really Not Really

I can talk but there is nothing there no warm no feeling there is darkness in the home the house computer games played over and over again nothing talked about nothing real no sweet animals or trips driven in the hills no forests, or charping sweet birds singing in skies I can't force myself to smile and chirp in the crisp cold air There is a caretaker but she is not a friend, we manage to speak to one another as the days go by I am tired at the doctors and the pain never seems to go away My husband and I manage but nothing more' Our celebration passed to day and i need not remember it He tried to bring me a book How does this happen, its from the pain, my leg my arm my neck, sex is something of the past. I seem the men who could bring me to life, but the pain is always there Everything seems unalive unreal I cannot feel joy only pain slow quiet searing pain and I am tired now and wish to sleep. Say good bye to the living demanding squirrels and crows.' And the sad unhappy man playing computer games creating a life for himself. The cancer changed everything the fatigue, the pain the seizures. what kind of living is this, maybe tomorrow i will awake. Perhaps later i will become a living creature filled with life and possibilities I hope later I will awake again, but just not now. Perhaps next week after the MRIs and the doctors the all.....maybe tormorow but not tonight something is giving up i can feel it