You Are Not My Mother

You Are not My Mother This is a house of cats and these are the rules that must be followed: •You are not my mother. •I am allowed to sit or lie wherever I want. •Just because I don’t have thumbs doesn’t mean I can’t open any door I want if you don’t latch it well. •When I knock, let me in immediately—it is imperative or I wouldn’t be knocking. •I want clean water and fresh food twice a day. •I don’t like a dirty litter box or a change in litter brand so keep it clean. •If you must let that whinny dog in, keep her away from me. •I do like your computer, so keep the keyboard out where I can use it. •Yes, I must accompany you to the bathroom.There is water in there and it is dangerous. •Bedroom rules:I must have access at all times especially if you’re sleeping.You could stop breathing so I must arouse you often by placing my cold nose on your face and walking up and down your body.I sleep on top of your head to keep your soul from leaving in case you stop breathing. •Please interpret “I” to mean “WE” and apply to all the above rules. •Make that girl cat play nice and quit sending rude telepathic thoughts and calling me names.Well you start it. I do not! Oh yes you do.I do not. Poe, whose side are you on. Well she doesn’t hiss at me. She is racist and so are you. Just because I am a different color, you both ignore me. You won’t let me join in your games or lie with you at nap time.We are not racist.You are paranoid.No I’m not. Yes you are. Am not. Are too. And so goes chaos with cats.