Yesterday's Pain Still Fresh

Forever, our love lingers in the air all around - The smell of fresh paint lingers in my nose, in the air. Crisp sheets lay smooth untouched with hospital corners. I dreamt I held you in our bed. A king-sized bed is too big for one. Wedding gifts are strewn across our dining room table. I dreamt we ate there together as man and wife - candlelit dinners and meals with laughing children. Dreams that will never come true. (I dread the nights, long hours alone pass slowly.) A family room quietly sits alone without a family. (I wrestle sleep in fear of dreams darker than my loss.) A yard waits outside for a garden that will never be planted. (I forget the day, the month, even the year you left without warning,) Nothing is as it seems; only my flowing tears are real tonight. (but oh, how in the darkness, I remember too well the moment, down to the second of my silent screams -) Forever love lingers in the air all around – (twisted thoughts, face contorted) A new home, a new marriage, but one of us is only here in spirit. (in pain like no other pain I had ever felt while holding what once was you.) Only one returned from our honeymoon… In light of day, I turn to stone. I wish it was me who died that dark night. (Then, night comes haunting me like a ghost) The doctors said nothing could be done. (too weighted with evil to rise.) A silent death stole you from sleep and me while I slept next to you. (Behind closed lids, I am the torero impaled by satan’s horns) Nothing could be done…a beginning and an end. (searching for God in the final breath) Forever love lingers in the air all around – (Again, screams cannot escape from my choking lungs.) Now our dream home is for sale. The dream is gone. (My heart breaks like shattered glass) I cannot bring myself to sleep in our bed so I make up the couch tonight….again. (the shards racing – tearing through my veins.) My heart calls out for you; my arms reach out for you. (Red eyed and weary I wait for a hollow sun to harden my heart again.) Life changes in a moment. (I would rather be numb than suffer through tortures of night.) I taste your lips on mine. I smell you, see you, hear your voice whispering my name. Forever love lingers in the air all around. – (I dread the nights, long hours alone pass slowly.) Your touch lingers tonight... with the smell of fresh paint. By Rhonda Johnson-Saunders, 2/16/15 For Craig's Intermingle Contest 2 poems revised and intermingled are Fresh Paint (6/29/2012) and Shackled In the Dark (1/18/15)