Year Ending

December. My coldest winter ever. My slow descent into destruction, my epic battle with the devil. Thought I’d never meet her. Wondered if I would make it out. Got so used to being cold, the warmth I start to flout. Stifling. 12 months have slipped between my fingers. Lived every day buried, but never pulled the trigger. The irony’s simple. And I’m still not living. All the days seem the same, they blend into each other. Didn’t see the silver lining, stop putting forth effort. I thought I was better. Until my vision clears and I see the same four walls. The amount of pills gone the night before getting harder to recall. December. The end of the year that has faded so quickly, I don’t know where I’ve been. Close to dying, running off, the truth will make you cringe. With the facts in your face, it gets hard to pretend. The year’s not the only thing coming to the end. December. Couldn’t take it any longer, no more hurt to remit. Think, “At least I made it.” Barely. Feelings still heavy. Dropped everything else, left no luggage to carry. Still wishing I was faded. Wake up each morning, count down to evening. Dread the time in between. December. Hate to see ya. You’re my confirmation that this is reality. My life, three acts stageplay tragedy. Just a square of blackness on the cheap playbill. The opening’s subpar so it’s all downhill. Casting was crummy, the director’s an addict, on paper the parallels would have been perfect. December. How soon til it’s over? But at least I made the choice to live. December. I get it. The sign to get this life together. That I have to wrap it up to start fresh, oh December you’re so clever. I have no choice but to get ready. The future’s creeping, life is waiting, depression’s pleading to be buried. Hello December. Let’s redo our introduction.