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Workshop Poem:Disaster

Bad evils are flying in my stomach. Inferno is burning out and reaching its apex in my heart. My nitpicking mind is calculating the pain of my innocent soul. The devil is dancing on my head and making me untamed. Shadows of my inside evil is blocking the lightning way of my cheerful life. The lingering quench of my anguished soul for living happy life is some how being suppressed by the shadows of my jealousy and peculiar needs. My internal happiness is resting in peace. My lips expands to pretend as I am smiling but my heart is shrinking inside. My ears and eyes are working as spy for my mind which diverts my anguished soul. The thirst of living happy life has been knackered. The hope of changing the world has been smothered. The smoke of burning inferno inside my heart is being converted into tears and they are finding their way out by making my eyes as their exit door . Is this life? Is this world? Is this the law of nature?

Copyright © | Year Posted 2015




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Date: 1/7/2016 1:23:00 AM
:) SKAT
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Date: 6/10/2015 3:46:00 PM
Hi Sijan, hopefully now that the contest is locked (but not fully finished or officially closed) you will get more feedback. I am giving another week for all participants to show their revisions and to help other participants. Please visit my blog when you can, which may clarify things. This is an emotive piece. I did not understand it was about the horrible earthquake in Nepal. I suggest you add a stanza at the beginning, a few lines about hearing the news? How did you learn of it?
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Date: 6/10/2015 11:10:00 AM
Sijan, each line of your poem is bursting with so much tragedy that goes well with your title.. However, if this poem is meant to describe the earthquake that happened, I would suggest that maybe a stanza somewhere will bring me there. Those above tells more of You just speaking of something.The descriptions are a wow! kudos,,, =')~olive eloisa
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Date: 6/9/2015 11:55:00 PM
Sijan, :) congrats on your workshop poem
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Date: 6/5/2015 7:14:00 AM
actually poem demonstrating the pain of recent NEPAL EARTHQUAKe
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Book: Shattered Sighs