Why I Despise Nerds

When Cinderella Chesterfield turned 17 years old, her and I were classmates in a class called ‘classic dance’. I was just a freshman, while Cindy was a junior, and every Wednesday morning I’d be praying for the chance Every other guy enrolled was praying for as well --- that when the teacher paired us off, she would be their mate, And everyone but Clarence Schwarting - Conroy’s biggest nerd - would use their chance to dance with her to ask her for a date! Now, Conroy is, I think, the largest town in Windham County, and Conroy High, I’m certain, is the city’s biggest school, And up until he proved us wrong - after graduation - Clarence was perceived to be the county’s biggest fool, So certainly not a big surprise - when Schwarting won the draw, those who wandered close enough would typically hear him say Super creepy nerdy things like --- ‘if the sun were square, those who’d watch it setting at the end of every day, Given that the earth is round, would only actually see just its - outer corners - as it disappeared from sight, Which would, of course, create for some a slightly longer day...and those who lived within the void...a slightly longer night!’ Amazingly we’d often notice - deep in Cindy’s eyes - what, to our bewilderment, was not what you’d expect... And when the course was over I was absolutely stunned to learn that he’d - transfixed her - with his nerdy intellect! Unaware completely that - despite his wimpy looks - she’d been totally mesmerized by what that dip-**** knew! Looking back I face the fact I only took that course assuming that, by doing so, the chances I’d accrue To ask the girl I’d worshiped for at least a couple years, would, in time, present themselves, and I could ask her out... But learned instead, the hard way, friend, what - turning Cindy’s head - in spite of all the guys who’d tried but failed - was all about! We learned, too late, Ms. Chesterfield was not the least concerned with handsome faces, six-pack abs, or ribbons won in sports. Neither did young Cinderella give a second thought to what she’d heard - potential suitors - bore within their shorts! Superficial attributes were not her cup of tea, so handsomeness and trophy bods were used as bait in vain, And, after graduation Cindy actually married Clarence - because - and only just because - he’s got a - bigger brain! Thought to be a weirdo for the barfy things he’d say, everyone who knew him was convinced that he was nuts, But, smart or not...for winnin’ Cindy’s heart by bein’ brilliant...as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now...I hate that sucker’s guts! I wonder, had I'd better grades...she would have chosen me...or - had I threatened Clarence - he’d have dropped out of that class. No way now to make her mine, but...should I get the chance...believe me, I’d be tickled pink to kick his nerdy ***!