Why Do I Feel Responsible???

I still have dreams that haunt me. I'm back there as a child. I see the drinks, the drugs and all. I watch our family be defiled. In my dreams I try to help you. I try to stop the pain. The stress of changing whats been done is driving me insane. I know that I was little. I couldn't have changed a thing. Then why do I feel so responsible for almost everything? I feel I should have told you I hated how we were. It hurt to be so hungry. I was afraid, alone and unsure. I know I was only one of five and we all went through the pain. I just can't keep from going back and feeling it all again. If only I could have stopped you. I could have saved you from the drugs. I could have held you and begged of you. But, oh yeah........you hated hugs. I try not to visit back there but my dreams go where they may. Each night I take a step back in time I hear a little girl say...... Why do I feel responsible? ? ?