When Suicide Smiles

If I had a gun I would have already pulled the trigger No silencer because I've been silent my whole life I wish suicide was as easy as a snap or whistling because I'm too sad to live My mask has a smile You start out pretending, then you get good at acting So, it becomes hard to distinguish your happiness and bad thoughts Soon you start to imagine how happy you would be if you didn't wake up in the morning This is not happily ever after, it's the tragedy People used to tell me I wasn't black enough Well, what if I cover my skin in ink I bet when I walk by you think Twice Trying to fight this vice Is like starring into the sun at times And sometimes life is too hard to think of a rhyme At times I get distracted but I'm learning to stay in my lane Learning how to drive down the highway of success and positivity Visualizing myself in my dream car Speeding Hands gripping Then I realize I need to slow down before I crash into depression I almost gave up in order to learn to help myself Because even when I had the answers, I would still close my eyes and lock my mind Afraid to be vulnerable My mind likes to play games but I'm not one who likes to roll the dice p.s. switch lanes but never the destination...