When Nursery Rhymes Attack

A Compendium Whoops a daisy, Auntie Maisie’s lying on the floor She just put on my roller skates she won’t do that no more No one knew that she was there until we heard her squeals What a shame her Zimmer frame won’t work with feet on wheels **** Tiddles got his claws under the fish tank’s metal lid He fished around and that became the last thing that he did Blood was flying everywhere and that was quite a drama Some landed on a picture book called ‘How To Keep Piranha’ **** The ghostly ghoul went through the wall, and not the open door In his hands he held the hat he used to wear before Timmy’s bones were shaking as he stared up from his bed The ghost approached his bed and said, have you seen my head **** Timmy sat there in his push chair counting building bricks He was very clever and he’d got to twenty six He told his mum to wait because he had to count them all His mum said that will take too long, ’cause that’s the Albert Hall **** The alien had practiced on his ten year trip through space And soon he would communicate with the human race He felt smug that he’d learned the language as he travelled far Until a two foot human being said, goo goo gaa gaa The alien was upset and he got back in his craft He came here feeling clever but now he just felt daft He took off and he sped away to planet Zandoss Nine And Mark the midget told his mate, that gets em every time *** Teacher saw the cows and said you mustn't run or shout Timmy saw his lace undone and bent to sort it out He didn’t run, nor did he shout, nor did he bring a Mac Which might have helped when he received a big pat on the back