When Nursery Rhymes Attack - Volume 2

Bird Brains Mr Fox wore padded socks to creep up on some chickens The chickens had CCTV and weren't such easy pickings He snuck up to the coop and took a peek in through the hatch The cockerel slammed it shut and put a padlock on the latch Ignoring Fox and all the clocks and all the tocks and tickings The cockerel studied Shakespeare and the hen was reading Dickens * Flee Little Pigs Three little pigs had brand new digs, the boar brought home the bacon This house, built of the stoutest timbers, would not be forsaken Wolf was huffing, he was puffing but could manage nothing The sow was unperturbed while making sage and onion stuffing But wolf had brought some matches and he set the house ablaze He’ll be eating pork and crackling for so many nights and days * Froffages (that’s Canine speak for Sausages) The postman saw the note and so he stood and read it He did as it suggested, then he wished it hadn't said it His groin was spouting blood, so now he’s Daisy and not Daniel He hadn't known that in this house there lived a cocker spaniel The note had said, ‘From Amazon, I’m waiting for some socks. Would you kindly stick your package in the letter box?’ * The Food Chain Grandma said you’ll wind up dead If you don’t take a loaf of bread And drop some everywhere you tread Those deep dark woods can mess your head If you go in you’ll wind up lost As you would find out to your cost In metaphors, that trail will shout Come on kids, it’s this way out But watch out for Miss Riding Good Oops, I meant Red Riding Hood Her lustful ‘Hey, come get me’ pout Means there must be a witch about If only all the children knew She leads that witch right up to you That’s how she saves her pretty head The witch will feast on you instead So, having heeded Grandma’s words They laid their trail (and scared off birds) But then they found a witch’s coven And a quite enormous oven They ran back the way they’d come But then no bread, no, not one crumb And they were trapped by massive cats Who grew so fat on bread fed rats Gretel cried we’ll soon be dead As Grandma waits for us in bed And Hansel said I’ve hot a hunch Gran’s the witch and we’re her lunch * Wipe Clean A rabbit went into the wood He saw a big brown bear Against a tree the bear was stood And rubbed its bottom there The rabbit said are you okay Is that a sign of stress The bear said I just took a poop My rear end‘s in a mess The rabbit said, I must concur We rabbits must be lucky For poop won’t stick to rabbit fur Our bottoms don’t get mucky The bear then said well what the heck You seem to have it sussed He grabbed the rabbit by the neck Sorry pal... needs must