When I Lost You

I fell, I fell hard...when i lost you..I cant catch my breath like i used too. Lost and confused, angry that you left. It wasn't your choice, I understand that. I didn't only lose you that dreadful day i also lost myself, my mind and my entire life cause it hasn't been the same. you loved me unconditionally how do i function without that now. My body still here but I'm dead inside from all the pain and sorrow i feel cause i will never see you or talk to you again. My mind likes to wonder now all on its on it's scary sometimes..I'm worried everyone will leave me all alone. I think of you alot, and smile cause you always made me laugh..I cant stand it..its not right...i feel like where in a dream all the time. You were the best grandfather, wasn't fair how you suffered up to your very last breath..you held on so long day after day cause u couldn't stand how you had to leave us that day. I remember talking to you and you would try to tell me something back..don't worry i know what is was I love you but i have to leave you i need u to know i will be watching you don't let yourself go....I know i told you its okay for you to go,,,but I'm sorry grandpa i lied,,,, I didn't want you to leave me i still needed you around, call me selfish I don't care, you belong here with me not away so far. I cant accept it or handle it the way I should cause my mind and my heart stopped doing thier work. everyone tells me snap out of it, act right, but i cant I don't know how i lost the one who guided me through life...I feel like a burden, all needy, like I'm in the way..so why do i stay? I need you to tell me that your okay...cause i cant move on like this i just cant, there is no way.