When I Am Still

On days that I am still, I find I miss you more. I need someone to talk to who will understand and have the capacity to contemplate deeply, beside me. When I am still I wonder if I am truly happy when I am not still. Is happiness now busyness or am I just so distracted that I do not know true joys anymore? When I am still I think about love. I want to feel love like I had when you were alive. It will be different because it won't be you, but still maddening and romantic all at once. I wish I had time and someone to spend time with. We could run away for a few days and find pure happiness in the simplicity of listening to the forest as we hike a mountain. Or looking at the stars as he held me that night. We could be still, Together. But when I'm still, Even with him, I find I miss you more.