When Did I Die To You?

Not in those first hours When the tears rolled, That, first hold, When the twinkle in your eye Set shore in a kingdom, You believed, was yours, “a girl at last” Not in those first steps When you were my navigator, Nor the first word, That was your name, Those syllables expressed You had some claim. This was no impulsive death, But slow and degenerative, Like the heart you now carry in your bosom, And the first pang knocked you, Shocked you, Your little flower began to wilt (oh but I was blossoming, could you not see ! ) You so loved the girl, That rewarded All your silly faces, With rumbles of laughter, So when I did not laugh so eagerly, Did a part of you die, Or a part of me? And when I questioned, That you what you said Was not definitive, But simply, what you say, Which part of me then, slipped away? You so loved the girl, that looked To you for answers So when I found my own, Was it then that the pangs came Like tidal waves of pain, Rocking the foundations That you had built our dreams upon? When did I die finally? When you were put aside, And some imposter became my center And my core? When I made a life myself, And was a girl no more? When I found my place, And you could not see yours? You so loved the girl, How could you accept the woman That took her name And changed her form? The truth is I began to die The second I was born When the tears rolled Down your eyes like hope That first hold Slippery as soap, You must have Known then You had to let me go, What an untimely death You so loved the girl Now the woman, you don’t know.