What Was

How do you move on when you still have so much hope? How do you move on when the love you once felt hasn’t truly gone away? How do you think about something you fought for so long and tell yourself it’s time to walk away, It’s time to give up? You realize to yourself that you can’t. No matter how hard you try, you can’t. But it’s all that you want, to just look the other way. Every time you feel you’ve made a breakthrough, Gotten to the point when it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t hurt you’re hit with the painful realization that it does matter and it kills you. Some days are so good, so beautiful almost. You feel so happy, so carefree as if everything in your life is just perfect. But like any time you pretend, you come home and cry yourself to sleep because you’re so good at faking it when you’re not alone. Nothing makes sense to you, how it all ended. It seemed that everything was just fine and then suddenly it wasn’t one day. Then the next, he got up and simply walked away. You can get up everyday, put on a smile, laugh at peoples jokes, and truly appear to be satisfied. You can have a simple conversation with him, it not meaning much and have it feel as if everything is better, as if everything is over. But what you can’t do is act like you’re not shallowed up in shame, covered in hate, and drowning in sadness. Some days are good, though, when you choose not to think. What was it that you even call “what was”? Many amazing moments sinking into poison. Some true smiles, some true days of pure happiness, yet bitterness and pride has filled their place. You ask yourself, “Why can’t I let go?” And in response, no one really knows. But you just have to because what was isn’t anymore, It isn’t real any longer, It doesn’t exist. What was is just a bunch of memories that, really are just heartaches.