What If I

What if I…what if I…see her today…would I be able to breathe tomorrow Be fully alive tomorrow… A haze, digging down underneath my soul; everything consists of fog My poetic ability…on hold at least for now Surviving in this atmosphere, how has it been; I’m unaware I’m lost inside some place I’ve fell I guess I’m living here, face down in the dirt I don’t know where I am So what ties to her do I have; why is she constantly plaguing my mind? Only a question, a question without a distinct answer I could ask it a thousand times and still come up short Since a thousand faces appear; in the depths, my personal hurricane I return Why can’t life be as simple as a colorful butterfly soaring past on a warm spring day? Why is it as difficult As a small bee fighting the wind in a sea of rain; lost, trying to find its way back home Do the ailments spring from the fountain of the anxiety I proclaim ails me Is it the bitterness of tears I longingly let out in remembrance of Juliet? Is it the unknown of the pain twixt the rib cage and the pit of my stomach? Or is it the return of Anastasia, the unsure of if the insanity will drag me down in rain puddles once again (Sigh) ….how long will my torment reign over my body Casting me in a deserved shadow of irritation and depression A sense of wishing and hopefulness to be dashed with pessimism I wonder, I wonder what if I…what if I If I was to see her today…would I be able to breathe tomorrow Or would my days resume to be this way…