What I Didn'T Forget (Part 2)

I just read the poem that you e-mailed to me, and I never knew just how painful this would be. There are so many words that I'm wanting to say to you, so many feelings I've kept locked away. It started off fine with just talking online, now I'm starting to find that I can't leave behind all these feelings I've tried all these years to erase. They came flooding back in when your beautiful face was before me again in that picture you sent; and I just can't believe all these years that I've spent trying just to forget, wanting just to believe it was over, but God, I just cannot decieve my own heart. And i need you to please understand that I'm trying my best to do all that I can to let go, be your friend,I just don't want to hurt you, but holding it in is not one of my virtues. I'm telling you this, and you don't need to listen; but I do love you, and I know I've been missing that peice of my heart that you took as you drove away, knowing damned well we both had so much more to say. I never thought that I'd say this again, but I miss you so much, and I just can't pretend through these long conversations, these feelings were sharing that I'm over you while the memories are tearing my conscience apart, wishing you were here with me. My heart doesn't lie..for these words...please forgive me. Seventeen years ago, December fifth, we stood in your doorway and shared our first kiss. If i would have known then the things I know now, you'd be here by my side; i just didn't know how to be everything that you needed me to be, and it hurts to know now how i just couldn't see that it just didn't matter, you loved me because not who I had become, only for who I WAS before taking a drink, before losing myself, before alcohol turned me into someone else. So I'm looking back now, as the memories reveal it was never your fault,so you don't have to feel that you failed me, in truth you did all that you could, and if I could change everything, trust me, I would. Writing this poem's one last effort to say I'll continue to love you through every day. I'll always look back on us without regret, and it's good to know now that YOU didn't forget. Ten years ago, you gave birth to our son. And now that he knows me, my life's just begun. THANK YOU