Wedding Hells

I should have walked away... on our wedding day Instead of going on parade: our foolish wedding charade How everyone looked happy, little knowing how crappy That day was for me, but no-one could see That when we walked hand in hand to the sound of that band Down the aisle of the church my heart gave a lurch As, my poor dear, I was overcome with real fear, With our futures at stake we were making a mistake Making promises so cheap that we knew we wouldn't keep Once our families had gone home and we were left on our own Wondering what the hell we had done; what the hell we'd begun Because like two fish out of water, like lambs to the slaughter The impending birth of our child, let our fantasies run wild We fooled ourselves into believing that the accidental conceiving Was a blessing in disguise, be it was all delusional lies. We'd never work as pair; as a team, no matter how hard we dream It is impossible; we are so wildly incompatible There is little that we do, that pleases both me and you Other than what goes on in bed, but that's all-but dead Since baby-in-waiting put a stop to wild fornicating So we sit and watch telly, or watch your fat belly As Baby Girl or Baby Boy: our so-called 'bundle of joy' Gives you indigestion and flatulence, it's quite an experience, Spending the evening at home hearing you farting and moan Is this what 'I do' meant when I said it to you? No, not for me is this life, my mistake of a wife I'm sorry I said yes and allowed all this mess To become such a nightmare I wish I was elsewhere On my own like before, so I'm walking out of that door And leaving you behind and if that feels cruel and unkind Think ahead if you can and try to imagine a man Who would rather be dead than to ever again share his bed With a woman he detests and in whom he invests Not a shred of emotion let alone marital devotion Answer now honestly, is this who you want me to be? And what about you, isn't there something better you want, too? Let's stop kidding ourselves it'll get better and just unfetter One another from these chains and emotional pains Let's agree that we tried and that we can no longer hide From what was obvious at the start: that our marriage had no heart And seek a divorce which will, of course Upset nobody, not even us, so there will be little fuss From your family or from mine, which suits me just fine And in a few months or a year, trust me my dear We'll look back on this day and we'll probably say "It was the best thing to do, for me and for you Because I have a new life, a new husband-stroke-wife. You are history now to me, which is the way it should be, So, good luck and goodbye and for God's sake don't you cry Because you know that's the only way you're going to get me to stay...