Waiting For Nothing Is An Arduous Task

A confident man I used to be, I was content and settled but still not free, some spark I caused set alight to my soul, as I moved towards a happier goal. A father, a husband, a soldier and lover, things now in my past, but not all quite over, guided by warm smiles and the opening of thighs, from the young blonde succubus that secured my demise. I thought her an innocent but she knew what she was doing, even in bed, it was my mind she was screwing, pretended to love me and hold me up high, but I did not fake it, I did not lie. I need to talk to her still, I must appear weak, but no matter what method I try she won't speak, it is not fair as she was my best friend, now no one can console me, and I want it to end. We both had a love but now hers is shattered, and I'm treated like I have never mattered, Christmas and New Year spend alone in tears, fetally curled on the floor, shaking, surrounded by beers. I was such a confident man, and strong and true, but I just don't know anymore what I should do, I know dwelling on the past is bad for my health, but somehow now I don't even know myself. So I am blank and vacantly hold no expression, I hurt so much and it's all I took from this lesson, and I will hurt for ever as I don't know who I am, but I do know it's her fault, she broke this man. I still eat and still breathe and I know I could stop it, but if I did that no one would profit, so I wait, although hopeless, just in case, she proves me wrong and shows her true face.