Victim

I am struggling to make sense of my feelings and thoughts wondering if grief counseling should be sought but I did not lose a loved one, that is not why I am with grief I grieve because I have lost myself and most of my belief Not religious wise though, God and I are okay We'll be even better once this heartache goes away Only thing is, is that it never does And I beat myself up for not being the woman that I once was I let the wrong man get the best of me A decision that will follow me to eternity I made a mistake and believed in love What I should've done was invest in a pair of boxing gloves Black, blue, swollen, and red So many clothes I own are stained with the blood I bled However, the physical scars don't amount to the emotional and mental ones Or the guilt that I feel sometimes when I look at my son Sometimes I fear what kind of man he will be And I pray Everyday That he will never raise his hands at me I pray that he respects every woman and every little girl Lord knows I was disrespected enough, just trying to bring him into this world Now that he is here, I know my son is heaven sent But I am still so angry and filled with such resentment Sometimes its hard to look at him and not remember the nights I cried Or any of the nights that we both could have died By the hands Of the man Whom was supposed to love us both unconditionally Who beat the love out of me Throughout my entire pregnancy