Valentines Day Me Myself and Why

Valentine’s Day here you come again, February 14th lord have mercy on me amen, You just have to rock up every year without fail, To remind me to celebrate the fact I’m still without a Male, And just a crazy cat parent plus the rest of the fur crew, Ignoring February the 14ths arrival it’s true, Hiding away with a lack of red roses, And couples being lovey dovey You see I’ve been rather unfortunate really rather unlucky, Actually it’s been damn well disastrous Resulting in a non existent love life So Saint Valentine forgive me for not celebrating Or feeling larger than life In fact St. Valentine I think the date is rather ridiculous Consider my case Inflicting such a day of lust and love on the Mere human race When nowadays the existence of tinder, bumble Or god help us a blind date Where screens with pen**es in pics are sent to try and copulate, To instigate coitus, sex, intercourse I think you get my quip Long gone are the days of friendship, Courtship into a partnership Romance died with dear Romeo and Juliet, replaced with Dms And pings in chats of hi, hello, till finally someone succumbs In fact you generally get a play-by-play Of what to expect in a Message, The conversation will generally turn filthy I wouldn’t expect anything expressive Then you’ll probably be subjected to a one man Show by video Now pay attention to it because there will be A pop quiz to follow, Topics will include but are not limited to Thoughts on girth, length Followed by the request of your bra size, hip length waist length full length, Quickly moving onto the subject Matter of spit or swallow, I guess at least you can be fully prepared If you end up upstairs No Spanx, dig out that best undies set, Shaven legs and all other hairs And then the next stage begins Netflix and chill starts. Hoping to watch the movie is unlikely, but you may be lucky And get invited out for a drink or perhaps a cup of coffee Before they attempt to explore your private parts Now The date, you arrive but you don’t See anyone you recognise, Then they wave, quick think you could duck and dive, Or turn 360 on those heels, Back out the front door and do a runner, Because the profile picture you previously saw was obviously taken 10 Years Younger Then filtered and Photo shopped beyond recognition, Oh saint valentine can you see why I’m not bothered about what I’m missing And how can I resist such romantic utopian bliss Long gone are the days of longing hearts, and a lovers first kiss, Panting bosoms from a simple embrace, You're lucky if there's even any dates. St valentine I’ve got to ask how’s it come to this? Has Cupid retired, has love become a mere myth That no longer exists in this world where everything is at our fingertips,. Destroying any curiosity removing all the mystery, Is courting that old fashioned, a forgotten language of love lost in history, Frankly saint valentine I think this 14th will really take the biscuit Perhaps the chocolate kind or maybe ice-cream but definitely grapes from the vine i.e vino wine, Whatever works for your celebration of the 14th But let's hope it's just with you no who, JUST you