Vaguely Poetic Ponderings On the Missingness of Me

If I am my truest, most pure and complete Self when I feel happy, light hearted, and free, when I feel depressed, heavy hearted, and stuck, who am I? If this is the end of a few years' stint of feeling real - of being real-ly alive... What does that now make me? If it can be this easy to fall away from mySelf - to lose mySelf, how do I get back to Me? If I'm not here, where am I?.. How strongly do I believe in my own existence, if I don't believe in only existing..? That's all I'm barely doing right now.. I really don't want to be a dead-weight on the World. I want to be a part of its buoyancy.. I see occasional glimmers of Me on a good day, twinkling like a hopeful star through a brief gap in a grey night's cloud.. I don't know if that gives me hope that I've not gone too far, or makes me sadder that I'm rarely around.. If it can be this easy to lose Me, can I also be easily found?..