Understanding Depression

I open my eyes Don’t want to wake I cannot face another day I sleep as much as possible Just to waste time Dreams haunting me relentlessly I wake crying for the life I once had Everything seems bleak No light at the end of the tunnel No bright future for me Just misery Memories of the past My face laughing I barely remember it now Every day is a struggle I pretend to all I’m ok I am not of course Locked within my own dark world Tears never far I hate being alive Being tortured day after day I sit in the corner Try not to think But my brain is in overdrive Thoughts travel through At the speed of light Nothing makes sense It is all confused Just jumbled is my mind In my dark depressed world The loneliest place you could imagine It traps me and keeps me its prisoner Sentenced to a life of pain and agony Assorted thoughts merge into one I can’t stand the noise in my head Not wanting to speak Fed up having to pretend I don’t want to worry my family and friends Some understand Some don’t I wish they did So I don’t have to explain Sometimes I don’t bother to get dressed What’s the point? I never go out Sometimes I don’t wash Or even go to the loo I will sit for hours in pain Because my bladder is so full I abuse my body In more ways than one I have no respect or desires I don’t live I just exist from day to day I deserve it I believe I deserve to die Thoughts of taking my life Drift through my head I am a burden A drain on everyone I know No one will miss me I am nothing to most Just a frail frame that cries all the time If you only knew what my existence is like The isolation and hopelessness I feel Fearing no end Scared to speak the truth I suspect the doctors know my reality They learn from books but still don’t get it Asking stupid questions I refuse to answer If you only knew how cutting it is To hear the words “pull yourself together!” Do you not think I would if I could? Do you not think I want the same as you? My heart sinks every time I hear it And it seems pointless to talk If only you knew how hard it is Talking for the sake of it Pretending to be happy when you’re not It is tiring Both pointless and hopeless Living with this torment night and day No one understands No one