To Chew Broken Glass

I can't make you understand how I feel, And I've spent a lifetime trying to explain it. Chances are YOU'LL never experience it, As you are in the latest years of your life ... There's no way to induce these damn things, And I wouldn't DO that to you if I could, Though sometimes I find myself wishing it. We are at an impasse, and far beyond A point of no return ... for either of us, eh? I guess you'll just go on not understanding, And I'll go on having to add your anger and Resentment and lack of understanding, To the pile of other crap that comes with it ... Acute pain, nausea, vomiting, dry-heaves, (When the stomach is finally emptied), One-sided paralysis, and endless, lonely Hours in the dark and silence, (at least You PRAY for silence, even tho' you Rarely get it, cuz any noise makes all Of the other symptoms more intense) ... Oh, and GUILT, that's the best one of all, Laying there with a facecloth over your Eyes, and plugs in your ears, (when you Can stand them), and a bucket beside You, praying as each second goes by That you won't vomit again, cuz the Strain of heaving makes the pain worse, And the pain makes the nausea worse, The nausea makes the vomiting worse, And it all just snowballs like that for What seems like forever, and the whole Time you feel the guilt building of all the Things you should be doing, and the Resentment that you know is coming Your way cuz you're NOT getting any Of those things done, and the arguing And explaining and excuse-making you'll Have to do as soon as it's all over, and the Post-migraine cramps and dysphoria and Empty stomach weakness and full day Of feeling like an over-used sewage filter. On top of all that wonderful stuff is the Comments from people who don't have a Clue like "Oh, it's just a headache!" or "I get migraines all the time and have to WORK with them!", when YOU know, in Full truth, that if they were ACTUALLY Having real, full-blown, hemiplegic migraines, They wouldn't be ABLE to walk, talk, see, Or function, let alone "work all day", and You know no matter how much you explain, THOSE people will just go on thinking that You're a whiney wuss, and that your time Spent laying in the darkened silence for Hours-on-end, is just your way of taking Some kind of fake, sick, twisted vacation, AND they'll go on thinking that their little Un-diagnosed, moderate tension headache Is really a migraine, and that you can't be Taken seriously because you're full of ****. And, even though I've said ALL of this to YOU on more occasions than I can count, You STILL are not one BIT closer to under- Standing than you ever were, and there's No way you ever WILL be if you aren't By NOW. So ... it will all continue, and I'll keep getting them, and you'll keep Resenting me and thinking I'm - I don't Even KNOW what? A fake? A lazy-ass? A hypochondriac? A guy who loves to Lay in the dark for hours with a facecloth Over my eyes and not moving except to Puke? And to top it all off, you'll tell EVERYone, when they ask where I am, That I'm SLEEPING! And all those times That I have these glorious freaking night- Mare hemiplegic migraines, you're telling People, people I care about and look up To, people I want to think better of me Than they DO, people that I respect and Love and admire, that I "sleep all day long" ... That's the real cherry on top, I'll tell you! Not only do YOU not understand or TRY To understand, not only do YOU resent Me for these goddam things, but you make Sure that everyone ELSE resents me and Thinks I'm a lazy-ass, faking, lying, cheating, Piece-of-crap, waste-of-time human being. And I just, for once, wanted to say, from The bottom of my "just a headache" heart ... THANK YOU for that.