Tired Battle Cry

Like a prisoner caught in a cage, wires and strangers People quietly watching from windows at people on the grasses Silence in the golden skies while people walk their dogs My dogs getting pushy, demanding nipping at my ankle Sharp stinging down the the right arm down the leg Aches in my shoulders, itching along the ridge of my scalp Like an injured soldier, wounded unsure alone So many broken bones torn tendons stinging nerves My words are not dependable though I know what I want to say I can’t form the words. though I can see them in my mind I know what I want to express to you to explain Anxiety and detachment ativan for sleep — soldiering on Preservering fighting the good fight aware of life and death Or worse the something in between either icy cold or hot fires All deep thoughts, all darkness and still pain dull or sharp I stopped the anti-inflammatory, easing side effects. But the pain returns with the seriousness of death The work done to me has returned the pain again, the itching And the wondering about death is it an easy quiet end Still whispers than groans then shouts, a norco helps for 3 hours But the side section awakes more pain more meds and I do not Want help I am tired although i seem to continue this venture This battle cry continues so when can I make it stop When can I just fracking let go — will my dogs suffer Will my husband feel guilty as life is easier once I am gone My 5am call to arms, the calvary is in the pharmacy or cabinet Norco, Ativan, tylenol, gabapentin, ice, heat more more I am not sure what is next how to make it stop, pills and ice What can I do, can I help others I do not have the strength Be kind and breathe but my body aches Pondering God, The Force, the Divine amidst the eternal energy