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Timeless

Softly beckoning chirps decorate the air While love birds spin in romantic dizzies Careless directions, being lost without a care All maps lead to the heart of the matter Wakening streams cry over a beauteous spring Water itself contributes for the love of flowers With boldness and buoyancy each petal sings Lighthearted laughter for an allergenic sneeze The paradisal green hills hold a floral formation A sign of dynamic beginnings sprouting forth Wandering peaceful trails where women get warm sensations She reads the message while he gets on bended knee Jovial and gallant he carries his princess down the living hills, To the birds of before who hark, themselves, for a second then bursting into chorus with voices bigger than their fill A miracle of function since their hearts have been swept away 2/21/13

Copyright © | Year Posted 2013




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Date: 3/25/2019 3:41:00 AM
timeless formation to reformation...evolution through revolution....!/// lovely poem penned
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Date: 8/11/2013 3:30:00 AM
pls check out this site http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/poetic-asides/poetic-forms/types-of-poetry-forms-quatern .... thank you for passing by my other poem-- that did have some subtle metaphors in there and thank you for your suggestions, I will keep that in mind and hopefully I can write a different version of that someday. I hope I was able to be of some help to you here-- beautiful story penned, Karl!
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Date: 8/11/2013 3:27:00 AM
I felt that some lines were too long as opposed to the other stanzas, somehow disrupting the flow of the poem-- maybe a more consistent syllable pattern (since you have a but of rhyme here) can help encourage this flow? Also, this might not be much to some, but for me, the capitalization for each line somehow contributes to me stopping for each line, since it signals for me a line break-- maybe some punctuation can help? As for quatern form, maybe this can fall under a diff poetry form instead?
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K. Avatar
Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/11/2013 3:28:00 AM
oops up there I meant "bit of rhyme" --typo there sorry
Date: 8/11/2013 3:22:00 AM
Hi Karl! Sorry it took me some time to get back to you-- I honestly did not know what a quatern was, so I looked it up (more on the later)-- the sugar first-- I enjoyed the images you put in here, how the scene unfolded for these lovers very sweet and romantic. Without knowing what a quatern was,& am no expert in rhyme or meter though- I tried reading this aloud and for me (hope you don't mind that I did), for me it lacked more flow into it, ie (for me only ok?) cont'd
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Date: 2/21/2013 7:02:00 AM
Beautifully! - I hope the love will last a lifetime. - Solid written poem. - oxox / / Anne-Lise :)
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Marszalowicz Avatar
Karl Marszalowicz
Date: 2/21/2013 7:49:00 AM
thank you this note from you means a lot, take care.

Book: Shattered Sighs