Thoughts of Death

I think i'm dieing, I can't stop crying, if I said I was ok then i'de be lieing. I'm giving into the voices in my head and they all say that i'm better of dead. My eyes shed tears full of regrets and sorrow, scared i'll end my pain before tomorrow. Who will I be in three years, will I finally get over my fears, will I even make it there, or should I end it here? I feel the fear for the devil is pulling me near, but god is in my heart telling me not to part. I fight with my emotions because their constantly in motion. Should I give up or keep on trying, if I give up i'll finally stop crying and I won't hear anymore lieing or continue to witness my mother dieing. I'm trying to get through this but i'm not sure I can get through this. Should I walk into the fire, or wait untill god decides it's time for me to fly up higher. I need faith,and I need to feel safe. I need to feel like I belong on this earth, I need to know that i'm a blessing and not a curse. Peace is what I need to find, silence is what I need in my mind. I need to be strong and continue to ask god to help me carry on. I mummble ways of suicidal deaths under each of my weak breaths. Is this the devils temptation or is it gods test? If I end my life will it be for the best? I feel an excrutiating pain in my chest. Maybe I should put my pain to rest. I have nothing to loose so maybe death is what I will choose.