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Those Nights of Yonder:

Those nights of yonder times gone by, Survived youth to become my dreams, Compare these days how they do fly, One to the other it doth seems. O how I wish your sweet return, Those precious moments were so rare, The passions that seared and did burn, When all the girls appeared so fair. No longer do I yearn so much, All those dreams now so far away, Memories now of her touch, And for evermore they shall stay. For I now know the open door, Has many perils yet no floor. (Eight syllables per line)

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Date: 12/3/2016 8:06:00 AM
This is a great one Rick! Very well done. :)
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Date: 12/2/2016 10:25:00 PM
TWO - my chatty self ran out of room. Andrea taught me so much, including sonnet rhymes should share spelling and floor is the only rhyming word for door I can think of with the double oo (NO don't change all to exact.) I would also write, 'survived youth to become a / my dream.' I'll hush now lest you hit me and my intent to 'brush' a great poem be misconstrued. I look forward to reading more from you and promise to do so quietly! CayCay
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White Wolf
Date: 12/2/2016 10:27:00 PM
I was bothered with THAT exactly! Thank you so much for the lesson and I will change it per suggestion! You have been a great help and thank you once again for your time and effort, CayCay. /|\
Date: 12/2/2016 10:21:00 PM
I see from my friend, Andrea, that you are learning. May I suggest losing the contraction in the end line? Sonnets are better than contractions which is just my opinion. i.e., has many perils yet no floor or has many perils lacking floor. I'm only making suggestions because, 1 - you seem receptive and 2 - the heart and tone of this poem are excellent, moving and have a content I can relate to and relived through your words. It is very, most, exceptionally excellent in mood, tone and imagery
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White Wolf
Date: 12/2/2016 11:05:00 PM
It reads much better now that I have applied your suggestions. I actually like it now! Haha. Thanks again, CayCay! /|\
Date: 12/2/2016 9:37:00 PM
WEll done, Rick and I see your iambic beat is getting better too. You are becoming quite the sonneteer, my friend!
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White Wolf
Date: 12/2/2016 9:44:00 PM
Thanks, Andrea! This one was rushed and I know it's a bit rough around the edges! It was only my 18th sonnet thus far! Long ways to go yet! Haha long way! /|\

Book: Shattered Sighs